On the most part, I try to avoid reading the news because I have a serious issue with the fact that it’s all bad news. Lately though it seems like bad news has escalated to horrible news and I find very unsettling to know that through all this we are counting on pretty much nobody to take care of us as a nation.
In the past week, Hurricane Katrina hit south Florida and caused unprecedented damage in Louisiana and Mississippi. As I type this, many are dead, millions are homeless, the economic loss can’t be quantified, and two states have pretty much sunk.
Now all over the news is the announcement that President Bush is going to cut short his vacation so he can oversee the federal efforts in both places. We should all thank our lucky stars.
According to the Washington Post, as of August 3, 2005 Bush had spent 319 days in his ranch in Crawford, which is roughly 20% of his Presidency to date. This does not include the time he has spent at Camp David or at his parents’ retreat in Maine.
Some leader we have.
During this latest vacation of his, gas prices have gone over the $3 mark, some lunatic has been going on TV asking for the assassination of a head of state which these days is called terrorism, a woman has been asking for answers as to why we are still at war, states are suing for lack of funding for the No Child Left Behind law, states are taking environmental protection in their own hands and this is just the stuff I can think off the top of my head.
But of course, nothing could possibly be more important than bike riding with Lance.
The average white collar American worker spends between two and three weeks a year on vacation. In this group are included heads of corporations and other big shots as well as those of us in average jobs doing average things. It doesn’t make sense to me that the person with the most important day job in the world, one who was for better or worse ELECTED to be responsible for the lives of millions of people and is collecting a paycheck paid for with tax payers dollars should be yee-hawing in Texas when he should be in his office in DC taking care of business!
I guess we really should thank our lucky stars that absolute destruction is enough to bring him back to the White House, even though the way the news are portraying his return we should all feel bad that he got cheated of two days of vacation!
Some of you may say “but at least he works from wherever he is. It is after all the age of information”. To this I say, bullshit. Telecommuting is not the way to run a country. Besides, what kind of impression are we giving the world by having a President pretend that he is running the country from a ranch? As a public relations executive I can say that this gives the world the wrong impression…as if it’s not bad enough that he is a moron as it is!
And while I am ranting about the Bushes, let me just say that it seems like hypocrisy is running wild in that family because if this war is such a noble cause, why haven’t the twins enlisted in the military? What’s more, if Jenna wants to help those afflicted by AIDS and what not, why go to Africa? As good Christians they should know that charity begins at home and God knows that there are orphan children with AIDS here in the US and that if she thinks that poverty exists only in Africa maybe she should take a little trip to the South Bronx which is by the way the poorest Congressional district in the US.
I hate the times we are living in and what’s more, I hate that we still have another 3 years before the Bushes get out.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
I shall be telling this with a sigh...
This morning I quit my job.
Well, I didn't really flat out quit, but I gave my two weeks notice. In some weird twist of fate, I am pretty sad about it but there is nothing I can do about it now. I guess I am just emotional because my boss was emotional. Apparently, he got emotionally attached...
I am a sucker for people who truly care about me.
I'd been planning this move for some time now but it wasn't until last week that I decided to go through with it. At times I can be quite impulsive...
My last job before this one was at a particular non-profit here in NY. In a way I really loved that job and the flexibility that it offered me; however, not long after I started working there it dawned on me that "non-profit" means non profit for everyone. A year to the day after I started working there, I went home for lunch made myself a vodka with cranberry juice that triggered one of those epiphanies I have every so often and next thing I knew I was sitting in my boss's office quitting my job. I didn't give notice.
So I found myself broke, unemployed, nearly hysterical and sick to top it all off.
Apparently though the force was with me because two weeks later I had landed myself a way better job (this one) that once I got past the trial period promised to be not only fulfilling but financially rewarding. I felt good about entering corporate America in this way, even though I hate Corporate America.
It's been almost two years since I've been sitting in the same office doing something that seems to have come naturally to me, Public Relations and Event Management, but now I find myself bored.
I am ready to tackle on my next adventure which will hopefully be either starting my grad work in January or looking for a new home state (and job, also in January) because NY really isn't for me...but I'll cross that bridge when/if I get there.
So what am I going to do in the meantime? Well, I think that an extended vacation is in order. Definitely some quality time with the family. I am also going to take a cooking class. I'll see about finishing one of the 5 books I've been writing for years now. This would probably be a good time to take that trip to Cuba with my brother (he'll be so happy!!) and start planning my South American adventure for which I've already found a partner in crime (Kristhina).
I knew this time would come because like I've said before, I am a nomad. I can't stay in a place for longer than 3 years at a time. It's been three years. Now it's time for a break.
Am I scared? no. Am I worried? no. Am I sad? yes. I am closing a chapter and no matter how easy it seems, it's always hard to go forward and not look back.
Well, I didn't really flat out quit, but I gave my two weeks notice. In some weird twist of fate, I am pretty sad about it but there is nothing I can do about it now. I guess I am just emotional because my boss was emotional. Apparently, he got emotionally attached...
I am a sucker for people who truly care about me.
I'd been planning this move for some time now but it wasn't until last week that I decided to go through with it. At times I can be quite impulsive...
My last job before this one was at a particular non-profit here in NY. In a way I really loved that job and the flexibility that it offered me; however, not long after I started working there it dawned on me that "non-profit" means non profit for everyone. A year to the day after I started working there, I went home for lunch made myself a vodka with cranberry juice that triggered one of those epiphanies I have every so often and next thing I knew I was sitting in my boss's office quitting my job. I didn't give notice.
So I found myself broke, unemployed, nearly hysterical and sick to top it all off.
Apparently though the force was with me because two weeks later I had landed myself a way better job (this one) that once I got past the trial period promised to be not only fulfilling but financially rewarding. I felt good about entering corporate America in this way, even though I hate Corporate America.
It's been almost two years since I've been sitting in the same office doing something that seems to have come naturally to me, Public Relations and Event Management, but now I find myself bored.
I am ready to tackle on my next adventure which will hopefully be either starting my grad work in January or looking for a new home state (and job, also in January) because NY really isn't for me...but I'll cross that bridge when/if I get there.
So what am I going to do in the meantime? Well, I think that an extended vacation is in order. Definitely some quality time with the family. I am also going to take a cooking class. I'll see about finishing one of the 5 books I've been writing for years now. This would probably be a good time to take that trip to Cuba with my brother (he'll be so happy!!) and start planning my South American adventure for which I've already found a partner in crime (Kristhina).
I knew this time would come because like I've said before, I am a nomad. I can't stay in a place for longer than 3 years at a time. It's been three years. Now it's time for a break.
Am I scared? no. Am I worried? no. Am I sad? yes. I am closing a chapter and no matter how easy it seems, it's always hard to go forward and not look back.
Monday, August 29, 2005
birthday preparations...
In six more days I'm turning 19 for the eighth year in a row. I am actually quite happy about it, though I am pretty sure that the reason for my joy has more to do with the fact that it is a long weekend and I am going away rather than the actual birthday itself. Also the fact that I've been opening birthday presents for a week now doesn't hurt either ;)
In standard Annush M.O. I am going to have two birthday soirees and random events to follow: the soiree in New York (Thursday night) and the one in Santo Domingo (Saturday night). Then on Sunday a lazy day at the beach, and then next week the raspberry tiramisu party...
...it will be good :)
The thing that's really bothering me about my NY birthday celebration is that due to the long weekend most people will be away and what could have been a REALLY good party will end up being a very upbeat, albeit small, gathering. Happens every year. It's kinda sad in a way. As if it's not bad enough that my NY friends make a small pocentage of my friends in general, I can only have a fraction of them together at the same time. So sad!
But whatever. I'll go out, I'll have fun and it will be great. At least I know for a fact that my two best and oldest friends (Dan and Kristhina) will be there with me making sure I have a damn good time. Everyone else will be a welcome addition and all of those who won't be able to make it will certainly be missed.
As usual, I won't have that kind of problems with the Saturday night soiree ;)
Nobody ever says no to a day at the beach, and next week, we'll have my raspberry tiramisu party.
I have spent the past week all bummed out about the ghosts of birthdays past and I failed to notice just how lucky I am...indeed, lucky I am.
Friday, August 26, 2005
How HWMNBN Stole My Birthday...
Every normal person
outside of Wonderland
Likes birthdays a lot...
But He Who Must Not be Named,
Who lives down by the beach, Did NOT!
He who must not be named hated birthdays!
The whole birthday week!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that he was simply too tall.
But whatever the reason,
His height or his shoes,
He stood there the day before Annush’s birthday,
planning to take it from her,
Staring down from his ocean view apartment with a sour, german frown
At the warm lighted windows below in the town.
For he knew little Annush down in the world beneath
Was busy now trying to make it down to the beach.
"And she likes me so much that she is smiling and laughing!" he snarled with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is her birthday! She is practically here!"
Then he growled, with his German fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find a way to keep her birthday forever!"
For, tomorrow, he knew...
...Little Annush would wake
Go to work in a hurry, take a flight to DR.
She would rush to the bar where they’d meet and hang out!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
(hell yeah, THAT kind of noise!)
That's one thing he liked! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
Little Annush was loud but he loved the sound.
Then Annush and her friends would sit down to a feast.
And they'd eat chocolate cake! And they'd drink drink drink!
And they'd FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They would start going to Red and eating vegetable wraps
Where He Who Must Not Be Named would gladly come!
And THEN they'd do something he loved most of all!
Little Annush and friends would go out and party
and she’d have such fun with everyone around her.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And they’d all start to drink!
screwdrivers! martinis! Sex on the beach!
AND they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!
And the more HWMNBN thought of the Annush Birthday Fun
The more the HWMNBN thought, "I must keep her birthday!
"Why for 3months now she’s loved me to pieces!
I MUST keep her birthday so she’ll always remember me!
...But HOW?"
Then he got an idea!
A great idea!
HE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED
GOT A WONDERFUL, GREAT IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" HWMNBN laughed in his throat.
And he made himself handsome and put on his tux.
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a good looking date!
"With this tux and this shave I could be Prince Charming!"
"All I need is a place..."
HWMNBN looked around.
But since good places are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old HWMNBN...?
No! He simply said,
"If I can't find a place, I'll bring her to that after party instead!"
So he called his friend F. Told him his heart would break
if little Annush couldn’t come to his party as his date.
THEN
He called her up
and told her to come
to take the last flight from NY after work.
Then HWMNBN said, "I can’t wait to see you!"
And the flight from NY started down
Toward the bar where HWMNBN was chilling with his pals.
All the windows were dark. Too much warmth in the place.
All the DJs in DR had taken over this place
When she showed at the place in her informal gear
"This is my number one," HWMNBN told all his pals
And they sat on the couch, and forever made out.
Then they slid out the place. An obvious ordeal.
But if people could do it, then so could HWMNBN.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two
But she was so happy it looked like a fluke
Then he brought her into his ocean view place
Where the sun was starting to shine through the balcony
And nobody was home.
"This tux, babe" he grinned, "is the first thing to go!"
Then he hugged her and kissed her, and put on some shorts,
together they stayed until well after 8!
Smiles! And laughter! Happiness! Cheers!
Not even coffee and little Annush was radiant!
Later that day, HWNBN, very sweetly,
Called her phone and asked her over for dinner!
Then he slunk to the icebox. But he found nothing there!
He had not even bought food for breakfast!
He waited until she showed up at his doorstep.
Why, HWMNBN was very surprised
little Annush had cut off all of her hair.
Then he was all compliments and all full of glee
He said let’s go out and get something to eat!
"And NOW!" grinned HWMNBN, "I will play nice with her friends!"
And when her friend B showed up at the small eatery
He won her over with his brains and wit
When he heard a sweet sound like the song of U2
He turned around fast, and he looked over at Annush
Who sang along so he kissed her hand!
Little Annush was happy and he was seemingly too
HWMNBN had been caught by this little New Yorker
Who he’d met in South Beach one day in the summer.
She stared at HWMNBN and said, "HWMNBN, why,
"Why are you making my birthday so great? WHY?"
But, you know, that old German was so smart and so slick
He quickly said something, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, my sweet little Annush," HWMNBN lied,
"You are my girl from NY and I love being with you.
I want you to have a special vacation”.
"So I'm making sure you have fun, my dear.
"Even if you go home, then we'll always have here."
And his fib fooled the girl. Then he kissed her forehead
And he got her a drink and he sent her to bed.
And when Annush went to bed with her cup,
HWMNBN went back to his ocean view place
With her birthday in his hand.
Then the last thing he took
Was her heart in a glass box.
Then he went to his balcony himself, the old liar.
In her life he left nothing but memories, and sadness.
And the love that he had given her while they ate there at Red
Was a so much yet a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.
Then he did the same thing
When the next day came around
outside of Wonderland
Likes birthdays a lot...
But He Who Must Not be Named,
Who lives down by the beach, Did NOT!
He who must not be named hated birthdays!
The whole birthday week!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that he was simply too tall.
But whatever the reason,
His height or his shoes,
He stood there the day before Annush’s birthday,
planning to take it from her,
Staring down from his ocean view apartment with a sour, german frown
At the warm lighted windows below in the town.
For he knew little Annush down in the world beneath
Was busy now trying to make it down to the beach.
"And she likes me so much that she is smiling and laughing!" he snarled with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is her birthday! She is practically here!"
Then he growled, with his German fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find a way to keep her birthday forever!"
For, tomorrow, he knew...
...Little Annush would wake
Go to work in a hurry, take a flight to DR.
She would rush to the bar where they’d meet and hang out!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
(hell yeah, THAT kind of noise!)
That's one thing he liked! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
Little Annush was loud but he loved the sound.
Then Annush and her friends would sit down to a feast.
And they'd eat chocolate cake! And they'd drink drink drink!
And they'd FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They would start going to Red and eating vegetable wraps
Where He Who Must Not Be Named would gladly come!
And THEN they'd do something he loved most of all!
Little Annush and friends would go out and party
and she’d have such fun with everyone around her.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And they’d all start to drink!
screwdrivers! martinis! Sex on the beach!
AND they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!
And the more HWMNBN thought of the Annush Birthday Fun
The more the HWMNBN thought, "I must keep her birthday!
"Why for 3months now she’s loved me to pieces!
I MUST keep her birthday so she’ll always remember me!
...But HOW?"
Then he got an idea!
A great idea!
HE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED
GOT A WONDERFUL, GREAT IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" HWMNBN laughed in his throat.
And he made himself handsome and put on his tux.
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a good looking date!
"With this tux and this shave I could be Prince Charming!"
"All I need is a place..."
HWMNBN looked around.
But since good places are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old HWMNBN...?
No! He simply said,
"If I can't find a place, I'll bring her to that after party instead!"
So he called his friend F. Told him his heart would break
if little Annush couldn’t come to his party as his date.
THEN
He called her up
and told her to come
to take the last flight from NY after work.
Then HWMNBN said, "I can’t wait to see you!"
And the flight from NY started down
Toward the bar where HWMNBN was chilling with his pals.
All the windows were dark. Too much warmth in the place.
All the DJs in DR had taken over this place
When she showed at the place in her informal gear
"This is my number one," HWMNBN told all his pals
And they sat on the couch, and forever made out.
Then they slid out the place. An obvious ordeal.
But if people could do it, then so could HWMNBN.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two
But she was so happy it looked like a fluke
Then he brought her into his ocean view place
Where the sun was starting to shine through the balcony
And nobody was home.
"This tux, babe" he grinned, "is the first thing to go!"
Then he hugged her and kissed her, and put on some shorts,
together they stayed until well after 8!
Smiles! And laughter! Happiness! Cheers!
Not even coffee and little Annush was radiant!
Later that day, HWNBN, very sweetly,
Called her phone and asked her over for dinner!
Then he slunk to the icebox. But he found nothing there!
He had not even bought food for breakfast!
He waited until she showed up at his doorstep.
Why, HWMNBN was very surprised
little Annush had cut off all of her hair.
Then he was all compliments and all full of glee
He said let’s go out and get something to eat!
"And NOW!" grinned HWMNBN, "I will play nice with her friends!"
And when her friend B showed up at the small eatery
He won her over with his brains and wit
When he heard a sweet sound like the song of U2
He turned around fast, and he looked over at Annush
Who sang along so he kissed her hand!
Little Annush was happy and he was seemingly too
HWMNBN had been caught by this little New Yorker
Who he’d met in South Beach one day in the summer.
She stared at HWMNBN and said, "HWMNBN, why,
"Why are you making my birthday so great? WHY?"
But, you know, that old German was so smart and so slick
He quickly said something, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, my sweet little Annush," HWMNBN lied,
"You are my girl from NY and I love being with you.
I want you to have a special vacation”.
"So I'm making sure you have fun, my dear.
"Even if you go home, then we'll always have here."
And his fib fooled the girl. Then he kissed her forehead
And he got her a drink and he sent her to bed.
And when Annush went to bed with her cup,
HWMNBN went back to his ocean view place
With her birthday in his hand.
Then the last thing he took
Was her heart in a glass box.
Then he went to his balcony himself, the old liar.
In her life he left nothing but memories, and sadness.
And the love that he had given her while they ate there at Red
Was a so much yet a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.
Then he did the same thing
When the next day came around
Giving crumbs much too small
to poor little Annush!
It was late afternoon...
When he took her to the airport
There he showed ownership like a regular man
telling everyone there “this here is my girl”
Brought her down to her gate
Gave her hugs! kisses! See you laters!
He had made sure she had gone on the first class line
He had offered her even his frequent flyer miles
A thousand miles away! Up the side of the states,
Little Annush went home thinking all was okay!
"Pooh-pooh to Annush!" he was selfishly humming.
"She still doesn’t know that her birthday fun is mine!
"She is off to NY! Doesn’t know what has happened!
"A year from now she’ll cry for a minute or two
"Then all her friends down in DR will all cry BOO-HOO!"
"That's a noise," grinned HWMNBN,
"That I simply must hear!"
So he paused. And he planned a vacation for the following year.
So the following year, he heard the sound rising over the sun.
It started in low. Then it started to grow...
But the sound wasn't sad (at least not like he wanted)!
He had broken her heart that summer in Miami!
She was sad and she cried but not on her birthday!
It turned out to be a VERY happy birthday!
He saw Annush having a smoothie by the beach
He popped his eyes! Then he shook!
What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Annush and her buds, the tall and the small,
Were singing! Without any boyfriend at all!
He HADN'T stopped her birthday from coming!
IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And HWMNBN, with his big-feet in the sand,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?
It came without boyfriend! It came without love!
"It came without hugs, kisses or drinks!"
And he puzzled three hours, `till his puzzler was sore.
Then HWMNBN thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Birthdays," he thought, "don't come from moments.
"Maybe Birthdays...perhaps...mean a little bit more!"
And what happened then...?
Well...in Miami they say
That HWMNBN’s small heart
Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light
And he gave Annush a call! And apologized for all the hurt!
And he... ...HE HIMSELF...!
HWMNBN bought the Veuve Clicquot that day!
to poor little Annush!
It was late afternoon...
When he took her to the airport
There he showed ownership like a regular man
telling everyone there “this here is my girl”
Brought her down to her gate
Gave her hugs! kisses! See you laters!
He had made sure she had gone on the first class line
He had offered her even his frequent flyer miles
A thousand miles away! Up the side of the states,
Little Annush went home thinking all was okay!
"Pooh-pooh to Annush!" he was selfishly humming.
"She still doesn’t know that her birthday fun is mine!
"She is off to NY! Doesn’t know what has happened!
"A year from now she’ll cry for a minute or two
"Then all her friends down in DR will all cry BOO-HOO!"
"That's a noise," grinned HWMNBN,
"That I simply must hear!"
So he paused. And he planned a vacation for the following year.
So the following year, he heard the sound rising over the sun.
It started in low. Then it started to grow...
But the sound wasn't sad (at least not like he wanted)!
He had broken her heart that summer in Miami!
She was sad and she cried but not on her birthday!
It turned out to be a VERY happy birthday!
He saw Annush having a smoothie by the beach
He popped his eyes! Then he shook!
What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Annush and her buds, the tall and the small,
Were singing! Without any boyfriend at all!
He HADN'T stopped her birthday from coming!
IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And HWMNBN, with his big-feet in the sand,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?
It came without boyfriend! It came without love!
"It came without hugs, kisses or drinks!"
And he puzzled three hours, `till his puzzler was sore.
Then HWMNBN thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Birthdays," he thought, "don't come from moments.
"Maybe Birthdays...perhaps...mean a little bit more!"
And what happened then...?
Well...in Miami they say
That HWMNBN’s small heart
Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light
And he gave Annush a call! And apologized for all the hurt!
And he... ...HE HIMSELF...!
HWMNBN bought the Veuve Clicquot that day!
------------
As you can see, I'm still hoping for my happy ending.
Thanks Dr. Seuss!
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Keeping me amused...
Today I'm not having a very good day. I am physically exhausted, my mind is wandering, and truth be told, I'd rather be anywhere but here at the moment. I REALLY do need a vacation, short though it may be, and next weekend is not coming soon enough. I am so glad I am going away...
I LOVE LONG WEEKENDS!
I LOVE THE FACT THAT MY B-DAY FALLS IN ONE!
Anyway, in my best efforts to do anything but actual work today I have been amusing myself with the internet. I really do wonder what people did at work before the internet...
I LOVE LONG WEEKENDS!
I LOVE THE FACT THAT MY B-DAY FALLS IN ONE!
Anyway, in my best efforts to do anything but actual work today I have been amusing myself with the internet. I really do wonder what people did at work before the internet...
- So apparently now little Maddox and Zahara Jolie each have their own blogs. Those are actually quite funny.
- A lady in New Hampshire filed a complaint with the state because her doctor called her obese. I really do hope that my tax dollars aren't being spent in such nonsense!
- Meanwhile, all the states got fatter except for Oregon. I think that someone should go advice the nice people of the CDC or the surgeon general or whoever is in charge of obesity policy making that until the country becomes more activity friendly or a bag of lettuce costs less than a loaf of bread, the trend will probably continue.
- Cindy Sheehan returned to Crawford in the hopes that Bush the dumbass will see her. If I were Laura Bush, I would be beyond embarrassed to have as a husband a President who will not even show the slightest remorse for getting other people's kids killed. He remids me of Lord Farquad in that scene in Shrek where they are having the tournament and he is like "Some of YOU may die in the attempt, but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make". UGH! Meanwhile, he thinks that embryos shoudl have rights. Nice.
- The Kodak people are going to be downsizing due to lack of demand in their photographic products (film, and photo paper). I actually feel kind of bad about this. Dan and I were talking the other day about the fact that he is probably the last person in the island of manhattan with a camera that requires film and shit.
So yeah...that's what has kept me amused today. I hope the day ends quickly. I NEED THE WEEKEND TO COME!!!!!!!
Oh and go wish a happy birthday to Fico who turns 20-a lot today ;)
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Apples and Wine!
Kristhina sent me this in an email this morning. It seemed accurate enough :)
Enjoy!
------
Enjoy!
------
Women are like apples on trees.
The best ones are at the top of the tree.
The best ones are at the top of the tree.
Most men don't want to reach for the good ones
because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just take the rotten apples from the ground
Instead, they just take the rotten apples from the ground
that aren't as good, but easy.
The apples at the top think something is wrong with them,
The apples at the top think something is wrong with them,
when in reality, they're amazing.
They just have to wait for the right man to come along.
The one who's brave enough to climb all the way
The one who's brave enough to climb all the way
to the top of the tree.
Men... Men are like a fine wine.
They begin as grapes and it's up to women
Men... Men are like a fine wine.
They begin as grapes and it's up to women
to stomp the shit out of them
until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
If I didn't say it, don't say I did.
Last Thursday I wrote this post about my desire to take a trip to South America "a la Che Guevara". It was an innocent statement that I made based on my impressions of his trip upon reading The Motorcycle Diaries some time ago.
Yesterday, someone without an email address and without a blog where I could respond left me this comment:
NeverUnderestimateTheStupidityOfTheMasses said...
How typical that an affluent 20-something would be a fan of Che Guevara. Doing anything a la "Che Guevara" would require assasinating many possibly-innocent Cubans. Maybe you rich, south American brats should do some research before you idolize murderous, socialist rebels.
...Immediately followed by a quote from Time Magazine from this profile, which is incidentally where this person got their comment from because there isn't an original thought in there.
Needless to say, I was enraged by this comment because if there is one thing in life that irks me and gets me all bent out of shape is people putting words in my mouth. I am someone who is VERY clear. I say what I mean and mean what I say. Anyway, I posted a response that at the time felt okay. But it's not enough.
I know that there is a lot in life that I don't know and as a result I go through life teaching myself on a need to know basis. Despite the fact that I know that I had the best education that my parents could afford me, this education unfortunately did not include Latin American history and as a result I didn't know the name Che Guevara until late in my teens. To be completely honest, I read The Motorcycle Diaries because I liked the movie and I saw the movie because I love Gael Garcia Bernal.
Last night I spent the whole night researching Mr. Guevara so that if I made a mistake in admiring the young man he was I could make amends and move on with my life. Even today I made some calls to a few people whose knowledge I admire and opinions I respect and asked them about it. In these 18 hours I have learned tons.
I do not idolize ANYBODY, but upon reading about his life despite the fact that he did become a murderer I admire the young man he was and I respect the fact that he had such conviction in his beliefs that he literally showed courage to his death. Do I agree with the way he did things? No. But there is a lot to be said about someone who fought (literally) for what he believed in.
I am not a communist but I understand the logic behind socialism. Maybe I'm wrong, but Mr. Guevara was no Fidel Castro. BASED ON MY RESEARCH, what I see is a man who truly believed that America was an oppressive, imperialist power (I can see how he'd think that), that there should be a classless society (not a terrible thought) and that South America should be a united continent based on its mestizo culture (once again, not an entirely terrible idea).
Did he go about it the right way? Probably not. But it seems to me that he was acting towards what IN HIS MIND was the greater good. Did he kill many people in the process (not just Cubans)? Yes. Do I admire that? No. I don't think that Che became an iconic staple for what he did so much as for what he represents and as far as I can see, what he represents is a man who saw the inequality in our society and wanted to make a change and fought for it though perhaps he lost his way in the process.
Oh and by the way, I am in the tax bracket of nowhere near rich, Dominican Republic is not in South America, though I will allow the "brat" part because in life, everything is relative ;)
Oh and according to dictionary.com, rebel means to refuse allegiance to and oppose by force an established government or ruling authority. To resist or defy an authority or a generally accepted convention. To feel or express strong unwillingness or repugnance.
SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME HOW IS IT A BAD THING TO REBEL FOR THE SAKE OF CHANGE???
Yesterday, someone without an email address and without a blog where I could respond left me this comment:
NeverUnderestimateTheStupidityOfTheMasses said...
How typical that an affluent 20-something would be a fan of Che Guevara. Doing anything a la "Che Guevara" would require assasinating many possibly-innocent Cubans. Maybe you rich, south American brats should do some research before you idolize murderous, socialist rebels.
...Immediately followed by a quote from Time Magazine from this profile, which is incidentally where this person got their comment from because there isn't an original thought in there.
Needless to say, I was enraged by this comment because if there is one thing in life that irks me and gets me all bent out of shape is people putting words in my mouth. I am someone who is VERY clear. I say what I mean and mean what I say. Anyway, I posted a response that at the time felt okay. But it's not enough.
I know that there is a lot in life that I don't know and as a result I go through life teaching myself on a need to know basis. Despite the fact that I know that I had the best education that my parents could afford me, this education unfortunately did not include Latin American history and as a result I didn't know the name Che Guevara until late in my teens. To be completely honest, I read The Motorcycle Diaries because I liked the movie and I saw the movie because I love Gael Garcia Bernal.
Last night I spent the whole night researching Mr. Guevara so that if I made a mistake in admiring the young man he was I could make amends and move on with my life. Even today I made some calls to a few people whose knowledge I admire and opinions I respect and asked them about it. In these 18 hours I have learned tons.
I do not idolize ANYBODY, but upon reading about his life despite the fact that he did become a murderer I admire the young man he was and I respect the fact that he had such conviction in his beliefs that he literally showed courage to his death. Do I agree with the way he did things? No. But there is a lot to be said about someone who fought (literally) for what he believed in.
I am not a communist but I understand the logic behind socialism. Maybe I'm wrong, but Mr. Guevara was no Fidel Castro. BASED ON MY RESEARCH, what I see is a man who truly believed that America was an oppressive, imperialist power (I can see how he'd think that), that there should be a classless society (not a terrible thought) and that South America should be a united continent based on its mestizo culture (once again, not an entirely terrible idea).
Did he go about it the right way? Probably not. But it seems to me that he was acting towards what IN HIS MIND was the greater good. Did he kill many people in the process (not just Cubans)? Yes. Do I admire that? No. I don't think that Che became an iconic staple for what he did so much as for what he represents and as far as I can see, what he represents is a man who saw the inequality in our society and wanted to make a change and fought for it though perhaps he lost his way in the process.
Oh and by the way, I am in the tax bracket of nowhere near rich, Dominican Republic is not in South America, though I will allow the "brat" part because in life, everything is relative ;)
Oh and according to dictionary.com, rebel means to refuse allegiance to and oppose by force an established government or ruling authority. To resist or defy an authority or a generally accepted convention. To feel or express strong unwillingness or repugnance.
SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME HOW IS IT A BAD THING TO REBEL FOR THE SAKE OF CHANGE???
Monday, August 22, 2005
Smoke weed everyday! - Snoop
...I don't recommend you do but if that's what strikes your fancy, who am I to stop you??What a weekend!
On Saturday Tiffany, Kristin, Rebecca and I headed down to Randalls Island (again) for AmsterJam. I think that of all the concerts I have gone to this summer, this was probably by far the most fun and the most open minded...THAT, I liked. Performing on the main stage were Fat Joe (missed him 'cause he went on at like 11:00am), Hector El Bambino (reggaeton...EEK!), Garbage, Wyclef Jean, 311, Snoop Doggy Dogg(w/special guest the artist formerly known as Puffy), and the Red Hot Chilli Peppers.
It was a mash-up concert and it was freaking cool. Although each artist's performance was really great, it was the mash-ups that I thought that were the most fun. It was Garbage and Peaches, 311 and Wyclef, and The Chilli Peppers and Snoop. I loved how the familiar songs turned into a new concoction of beats!
My inner rockstar came out and for most of the 11 hours that we were there, I was dancing and jumping up and down. My butt/thighs got quite the work-out!
While we were there, I met fellow blogger Burbujas and his better half. Such nice guys! They hung out with us for a little while, but they didn't stay very long. That's alright though because it's not quantity, it's quality!Let's see...what else...We also met up with these Swede boys (Christer, Daniel, Jurgen and Tobias)who were also plenty of fun. By the end of the night one of them was holding me up so that I would dance and
though at the time I was like "I am tireeeeeeed!" He was also encouraging me to go to a bachelorette party Kristhina had invited me to later that night. I appreciated that so much that I gave him my number :POh! and for those of you who are wondering, I neither had a drink nor did I go to the bachelorette party!
Friday, August 19, 2005
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...
Last night Dan, Liz, Tiffany, Deanna and I all went to the Sync magazine whatever-it-was party. It was a great time! Good music, good drinks, good company, good looking people and I still managed to be in bed by 12:30pm. GO ME!HA! I even managed to pick up a really cool dude while I was outside on the phone begging Kristhina's forgiveness for not going to Cielo (she swears that I always cancel on her or that I'm too busy with my other friends which is absolutely not true!). As you can all imagine, I'm standing there thinking "okay so what's wrong with him??" and then we exchange business cards and there it was: he works for one of my clients. *sigh*
I think that evenings like yesterday's are my favorite part of our jobs. Invitations come and go but every once in a while the stars will align to make an event truly memorable.
Then, of course, comes the morning after.I am so weak! My body hates me. I am never drinking again. EVER.
Just making sure we are all on the same page on this...
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Dreaming of Buenos Aires...
I want to spend a month traveling around South America. Go pick up Angie in Panama or Costa Rica or wherever the heck she is these days, and just take a trip a la Che Guevara except that instead of going up I would want to work my way down and then
around the continent. Maybe stop by Colombia to visit Richard and Ecuador to visit Valeria. Then stop by Peru to visit Lourdes and a stop in Brazil to hang out with the elusive Jon.
I want to broaden my horizons as I feel like I am becoming to complacent with my existence. I am becoming one of those people who talk about wanting to do things but get sucked into their lives and then do nothing. It seems to me that this comes with the whole "American way".
I want to wake up with the sun on my face every morning, and then spend the day in my flip flops awed at the beauty of something. ANYTHING.
If only I could leave right now...
around the continent. Maybe stop by Colombia to visit Richard and Ecuador to visit Valeria. Then stop by Peru to visit Lourdes and a stop in Brazil to hang out with the elusive Jon.
I want to broaden my horizons as I feel like I am becoming to complacent with my existence. I am becoming one of those people who talk about wanting to do things but get sucked into their lives and then do nothing. It seems to me that this comes with the whole "American way".
I want to wake up with the sun on my face every morning, and then spend the day in my flip flops awed at the beauty of something. ANYTHING.
If only I could leave right now...
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Tidbits from my end!
Today I stumbled across this quote:
"I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in."
That is too funny.
Someone please try it out. If it works let me know.
-------------
Today is Ava's birthday.
Happy Birthday Ava!
------------
We finally got our tickets for AmsterJam.
LET THE HOT SUMMER CONCERTS END!!!
I'm slowly but surely going broke.
----------
My hair is straight again.
I think that while it was curly, it grew a whole 2".
---------
According to like 10 google sites, the PC term for horny is "sexually motivated/focused"
According to my dear friend Y, the PC term for horny is "festive"
Right. Imagine if you are festive AND motivated!
--------
Lately I've been working much too hard.
I wonder if it's possible for me to work without working.
-------
I am cutting down on my blog reading until people cheer up.
Too many broken hearts, too many sappy posts.
Y'all should take turns moping!
(And let me know when it's my turn)
"I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in."
That is too funny.
Someone please try it out. If it works let me know.
-------------
Today is Ava's birthday.
Happy Birthday Ava!
------------
We finally got our tickets for AmsterJam.
LET THE HOT SUMMER CONCERTS END!!!
I'm slowly but surely going broke.
----------
My hair is straight again.
I think that while it was curly, it grew a whole 2".
---------
According to like 10 google sites, the PC term for horny is "sexually motivated/focused"
According to my dear friend Y, the PC term for horny is "festive"
Right. Imagine if you are festive AND motivated!
--------
Lately I've been working much too hard.
I wonder if it's possible for me to work without working.
-------
I am cutting down on my blog reading until people cheer up.
Too many broken hearts, too many sappy posts.
Y'all should take turns moping!
(And let me know when it's my turn)
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
_![FUCK] Intolerance
As borrowed from Androidette.
[feel]ing: _open-minded
[think]ing: _are you really open-minded?
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am a person, just like you.
Poke intolerance in the eye with a spoon!
Repost this if you think intolerance is wrong.
-------------
Open up your mind & take a good look around you.
A person is still a person regardless of skin color/religion/sexual preference/race/gender/life-style.
I dare you to debate me.
[feel]ing: _open-minded
[think]ing: _are you really open-minded?
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am a person, just like you.
Poke intolerance in the eye with a spoon!
Repost this if you think intolerance is wrong.
-------------
Open up your mind & take a good look around you.
A person is still a person regardless of skin color/religion/sexual preference/race/gender/life-style.
I dare you to debate me.
Monday, August 15, 2005
The Politics of Child Rearing
The other day I was chatting with my mom regarding the absolute exhaustion work has been causing me. Although I realize that my job isn’t any more demanding than the average person’s and that I’m lucky in the sense that part of the “perks” of my job include things I lack in my everyday life (ie- real food, classy entertainment), lately I’ve been toying with the idea of taking a sabbatical so that I may regain my strength.
My mom says this is a good plan.
To take it a step further, my mom suggested that I quit my job and move back home where I can make my purpose for living going to the gym, learning how to cook and playing with my dogs, among other fun pointless things.
To an extent, I liked her suggestion though I do remember the fact that this is a woman who very recently was telling me about her scheme to kick my brothers out of the house again, if not out of the country altogether in the hopes that they will each “find their way”.
So I asked her “why do you want me back and not them?”
And this is when she broke out into what I now call “The Politics of Child Rearing”.
According to my mother, for as long as she has been a parent she has been very clear as to what she hopes for and expects for each of us. She also understands the role that each of us will take in society and as such, she has looked to prepare us to fit that role to the best of our abilities.
Huh?
“I am raising your brothers to be great professionals who will also one day be heads of households. They need to be out in the world alone so that they are not ‘mama’s boys’. They have to fend for themselves so they can learn how to fend for their families. You, on the other hand, I have raised to be not only a scholar but a wife and a mother. You were meant to be taken care of; yet, it is you that keeps running away from who you really are”.
EEK! Talk about a double standard!
Growing up I never wanted to be a wife or a mother. It wasn’t until relatively recently that my maternal instincts kicked in and I have yet to feel the desire to be married. All I wanted back then and still now, is to be independent; though I do have to recognize that I was raised to be half of something.
My mother, she who has refused to live in a home that doesn’t have bedrooms for her already grown children, wants us to be successful out in the world. I applaud this. What I don’t understand is exactly how it would be okay for me to move back home and waste my productive years doing nothing and yet it’s not okay for my brothers who are each doing something to stay where they are. Hmmmmm
This would be so much easier had I just been a trust fund baby!
My mom says this is a good plan.
To take it a step further, my mom suggested that I quit my job and move back home where I can make my purpose for living going to the gym, learning how to cook and playing with my dogs, among other fun pointless things.
To an extent, I liked her suggestion though I do remember the fact that this is a woman who very recently was telling me about her scheme to kick my brothers out of the house again, if not out of the country altogether in the hopes that they will each “find their way”.
So I asked her “why do you want me back and not them?”
And this is when she broke out into what I now call “The Politics of Child Rearing”.
According to my mother, for as long as she has been a parent she has been very clear as to what she hopes for and expects for each of us. She also understands the role that each of us will take in society and as such, she has looked to prepare us to fit that role to the best of our abilities.
Huh?
“I am raising your brothers to be great professionals who will also one day be heads of households. They need to be out in the world alone so that they are not ‘mama’s boys’. They have to fend for themselves so they can learn how to fend for their families. You, on the other hand, I have raised to be not only a scholar but a wife and a mother. You were meant to be taken care of; yet, it is you that keeps running away from who you really are”.
EEK! Talk about a double standard!
Growing up I never wanted to be a wife or a mother. It wasn’t until relatively recently that my maternal instincts kicked in and I have yet to feel the desire to be married. All I wanted back then and still now, is to be independent; though I do have to recognize that I was raised to be half of something.
My mother, she who has refused to live in a home that doesn’t have bedrooms for her already grown children, wants us to be successful out in the world. I applaud this. What I don’t understand is exactly how it would be okay for me to move back home and waste my productive years doing nothing and yet it’s not okay for my brothers who are each doing something to stay where they are. Hmmmmm
This would be so much easier had I just been a trust fund baby!
Sunday, August 14, 2005
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Letter to God:
Dear God,
Lately, I have tried to talk to you but apparently you are either on vacation or busy with other stuff so I thought that I'd write a post for you here and hope that you 'll read it when you get a chance. I mean, I read somewhere that 45% of the population reads blogs regularly so if people find them that entertaining you probably do too.
Anyway...
The summer is coming to an end. Again. Why???
Last year the summer ended Labor Day Weekend (early September) and the Spring started Memorial Day Weekend (late May). We had 9 months of cold, 1 month of breeze and the other 2 were summer. I thought that there were 4 seasons and that each season lasted 3 months. Hmmmm
I finally finished my grad school application. I know that I shouldn't put all my eggs in one basket, but that's THE school with THE program. For the first time in my life, I feel like I have got a clear direction in life. Help me follow it. Please make sure that the nice admissions people are in a good mood when it's time for them to look at my application. Pretty please. With a cherry on top.
While we are at the whole school thing, please help me find a nice apartment in the East Village. You know that I have to move in the upcoming weeks, so please help me find a place that's accessible to school, to life, to everything. You know how much I hate the subway!
These days I've been just a little bit homesick. I've missed my mom, my brothers, and my dogs in unexplainable proportions. Please God, don't let me stop missing them, but make this emptiness I feel go away and bring us to each other soon.
As you know, it's 21 days until my birthday. I'd like to be just a little more cheerful about it. I feel like all of my birthday joy was sucked out of me. How could that happen? My birthday is the only thing that's really mine and yet I feel like I have nothing...like it was stolen away.
I think that He who must not be named is coming back from Europe soon, if he isn't already here. For a long time I always felt that the vast ocean was nothing more than a little pond that could be crossed with no trouble. This summer, the ocean became a large buffer between HWMNBN and I. Now that I won't have the ocean to rely on, I really do hope that I will have the strength to not look back.
Other than that, financially you've put me in a good place. Help keep me there (or better) and give me strength to steer clear from all the sample sales going on next week. I love sales. Sales are my friends.
Thank you for every good thing and every blessing you have sent my way. Please take care of everyone around me. Oh! and I forgive you for the Mafalda hair. I understand that the experience gave me character :)
xox-
annush
Lately, I have tried to talk to you but apparently you are either on vacation or busy with other stuff so I thought that I'd write a post for you here and hope that you 'll read it when you get a chance. I mean, I read somewhere that 45% of the population reads blogs regularly so if people find them that entertaining you probably do too.
Anyway...
The summer is coming to an end. Again. Why???
Last year the summer ended Labor Day Weekend (early September) and the Spring started Memorial Day Weekend (late May). We had 9 months of cold, 1 month of breeze and the other 2 were summer. I thought that there were 4 seasons and that each season lasted 3 months. Hmmmm
I finally finished my grad school application. I know that I shouldn't put all my eggs in one basket, but that's THE school with THE program. For the first time in my life, I feel like I have got a clear direction in life. Help me follow it. Please make sure that the nice admissions people are in a good mood when it's time for them to look at my application. Pretty please. With a cherry on top.
While we are at the whole school thing, please help me find a nice apartment in the East Village. You know that I have to move in the upcoming weeks, so please help me find a place that's accessible to school, to life, to everything. You know how much I hate the subway!
These days I've been just a little bit homesick. I've missed my mom, my brothers, and my dogs in unexplainable proportions. Please God, don't let me stop missing them, but make this emptiness I feel go away and bring us to each other soon.
As you know, it's 21 days until my birthday. I'd like to be just a little more cheerful about it. I feel like all of my birthday joy was sucked out of me. How could that happen? My birthday is the only thing that's really mine and yet I feel like I have nothing...like it was stolen away.
I think that He who must not be named is coming back from Europe soon, if he isn't already here. For a long time I always felt that the vast ocean was nothing more than a little pond that could be crossed with no trouble. This summer, the ocean became a large buffer between HWMNBN and I. Now that I won't have the ocean to rely on, I really do hope that I will have the strength to not look back.
Other than that, financially you've put me in a good place. Help keep me there (or better) and give me strength to steer clear from all the sample sales going on next week. I love sales. Sales are my friends.
Thank you for every good thing and every blessing you have sent my way. Please take care of everyone around me. Oh! and I forgive you for the Mafalda hair. I understand that the experience gave me character :)
xox-
annush
Thursday, August 11, 2005
"My anxieties have anxieties!"- Charlie Brown
Two days ago I overslept but didn’t notice until I got out of the shower that morning. As I was getting ready to start my hair drying ritual, I noticed the time and after a few well said f*cks, it occurred to me that for the first time in years I would have to let my hair air-dry and that the curls I work so hard to straighten, would reclaim their rightful place. Eek!
Anyway, I thought to myself that this was fixable. My brother says that all hair care woes are fixable with the help of gel. Gel. I didn’t have any gel and I didn’t have time to go get any, so after a little talk with God, I left my apartment hoping for the best.
Apparently God was still sleeping because by the time I got to work, I looked like Mafalda.
Note to self: Curls on a layered haircut create unnecessary volume.
I was determined to take care of my hair situation immediately so yesterday before work, I got in the shower and did my little ritual so that I could blow dry it straight the way it was intended to be.
The damn blow dryer exploded. It made this weird noise and all of a sudden, smoke started coming out of it. Needless to say, that was a really bad sign. Luckily though, at least I had some time to run to Duane Reade and pick up some gel.
Because my hair was partially dry by the time I got to the gel, I ended up looking like Mafalda on a good hair day, but Mafalda nonetheless.
Yesterday when I got out of work, I had every intention of buying a new hair dryer. Somehow though, I managed to forget to do so and this morning I said the same number of f*cks I have said now for 2 days. Today I had gel though.
The thing that irks me about curly hair is that no matter how nice the curls, it looks sloppy. It basically says that you are too lazy to look neat. I have nothing against curly hair, or people with curly hair but I think that curly hair should be a beachside accessory more than an everyday commodity.
Today I look alright but I don’t feel like myself. I feel like I stand out, which I probably do. This is a very stressful time for me! I don’t know what to do with myself. Though I will certainly be buying a hair dryer during lunch today!
Anyway, I thought to myself that this was fixable. My brother says that all hair care woes are fixable with the help of gel. Gel. I didn’t have any gel and I didn’t have time to go get any, so after a little talk with God, I left my apartment hoping for the best.
Apparently God was still sleeping because by the time I got to work, I looked like Mafalda.
Note to self: Curls on a layered haircut create unnecessary volume.
I was determined to take care of my hair situation immediately so yesterday before work, I got in the shower and did my little ritual so that I could blow dry it straight the way it was intended to be.
The damn blow dryer exploded. It made this weird noise and all of a sudden, smoke started coming out of it. Needless to say, that was a really bad sign. Luckily though, at least I had some time to run to Duane Reade and pick up some gel.
Because my hair was partially dry by the time I got to the gel, I ended up looking like Mafalda on a good hair day, but Mafalda nonetheless.Yesterday when I got out of work, I had every intention of buying a new hair dryer. Somehow though, I managed to forget to do so and this morning I said the same number of f*cks I have said now for 2 days. Today I had gel though.
The thing that irks me about curly hair is that no matter how nice the curls, it looks sloppy. It basically says that you are too lazy to look neat. I have nothing against curly hair, or people with curly hair but I think that curly hair should be a beachside accessory more than an everyday commodity.
Today I look alright but I don’t feel like myself. I feel like I stand out, which I probably do. This is a very stressful time for me! I don’t know what to do with myself. Though I will certainly be buying a hair dryer during lunch today!
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Te doy una cancion
My earliest memory is of my mother playing the guitar in our front porch. I must have been about 3 or 4, and I remember her playing a song that to this day I can recognize though I didn’t hear it again until I was almost 20 years old- which is also when I found out what it was.
She sat on the floor wearing her khaki shorts and a delicate white blouse and played as if she were serenading the moon. It was beautiful. Every once in a while she would sing a line or two “…y yo no tengo mas que un unicornio azul…” but it was mostly her playing that hypnotized me.
That was the last time she ever played.
When I was 4, my mom made me start taking piano lessons. I hated them. My mom swears that the only reason why I hated them was because being as rebellious as I was, I had to say no to everything; but in reality, the reason was that I don’t have piano playing hands. My hands have always been so small that after an hour or two of piano playing they hurt. But I digress. I took piano lessons until I was almost 17 years old.
After my last rehearsal, I never came near my piano again for years.
When I was 18, I moved to Santo Domingo. For the few years that I lived there I was so unhappy that I just wanted to die; but like they say, God closes a door but he/she opens a window. Every step of the way I had friends to help me through it. I was lucky.
The first Dominican I ever dated, A.P., who incidentally wasn’t Dominican, was a bit of a bohemian. We met at a bar that was very bohemian and it was there that we usually hung out. One day, out of nowhere I heard a song I didn’t really recognize but the style seemed REALLY familiar: “El tiempo pasa nos vamos poniendo viejos y el amor no lo reflejo como ayer…”. A.P. had said that it was Silvio Rodriguez, a Cuban singer.
Too many Presidentes later, I went home and without thinking about it I sat down on my piano for the very first time in years. The song I played was the song my mother herself had played when I was a little girl and though I didn’t know all the lyrics, I did remember “…y yo no tengo mas que un unicornio azul…”
The next day, my mom asked me when I became a fan of Silvio Rodriguez, to which I answered “I guess I always was”.
For two nights straight now I’ve dreamt that He who must not be named was hooked up with this girl who is just about the biggest airhead I know. In my dream, there are no voices, just this background music playing. Silvio Rodriguez singing “…si miro un poco afuera me detengo la ciudad se derrumba y yo cantando…”
I don’t know what this means. Hopefully that won’t happen. But I think that if I had to use Silvio's words to describe how I feel about this all I can say is “Ojalá se te acabé la mirada constante, la palabra precisa, la sonrisa perfecta. Ojalá pase algo que te borre de pronto: una luz cegadora, un disparo de nieve. Ojalá por lo menos que me lleve la muerte, para no verte tanto, para no verte siempre en todos los segundos, en todas las visiones: ojalá que no pueda tocarte ni en canciones”.
She sat on the floor wearing her khaki shorts and a delicate white blouse and played as if she were serenading the moon. It was beautiful. Every once in a while she would sing a line or two “…y yo no tengo mas que un unicornio azul…” but it was mostly her playing that hypnotized me.
That was the last time she ever played.
When I was 4, my mom made me start taking piano lessons. I hated them. My mom swears that the only reason why I hated them was because being as rebellious as I was, I had to say no to everything; but in reality, the reason was that I don’t have piano playing hands. My hands have always been so small that after an hour or two of piano playing they hurt. But I digress. I took piano lessons until I was almost 17 years old.
After my last rehearsal, I never came near my piano again for years.
When I was 18, I moved to Santo Domingo. For the few years that I lived there I was so unhappy that I just wanted to die; but like they say, God closes a door but he/she opens a window. Every step of the way I had friends to help me through it. I was lucky.
The first Dominican I ever dated, A.P., who incidentally wasn’t Dominican, was a bit of a bohemian. We met at a bar that was very bohemian and it was there that we usually hung out. One day, out of nowhere I heard a song I didn’t really recognize but the style seemed REALLY familiar: “El tiempo pasa nos vamos poniendo viejos y el amor no lo reflejo como ayer…”. A.P. had said that it was Silvio Rodriguez, a Cuban singer.
Too many Presidentes later, I went home and without thinking about it I sat down on my piano for the very first time in years. The song I played was the song my mother herself had played when I was a little girl and though I didn’t know all the lyrics, I did remember “…y yo no tengo mas que un unicornio azul…”
The next day, my mom asked me when I became a fan of Silvio Rodriguez, to which I answered “I guess I always was”.
For two nights straight now I’ve dreamt that He who must not be named was hooked up with this girl who is just about the biggest airhead I know. In my dream, there are no voices, just this background music playing. Silvio Rodriguez singing “…si miro un poco afuera me detengo la ciudad se derrumba y yo cantando…”
I don’t know what this means. Hopefully that won’t happen. But I think that if I had to use Silvio's words to describe how I feel about this all I can say is “Ojalá se te acabé la mirada constante, la palabra precisa, la sonrisa perfecta. Ojalá pase algo que te borre de pronto: una luz cegadora, un disparo de nieve. Ojalá por lo menos que me lleve la muerte, para no verte tanto, para no verte siempre en todos los segundos, en todas las visiones: ojalá que no pueda tocarte ni en canciones”.
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
56 Questions
As lifted from Libelula.
UNIQUE
1. Nervous habits - I bite my nails when I’m stressed out
2. Are you double jointed - No
3. Can you roll your tongue - No
4. Can you raise one eyebrow at a time - No
5. Can you blow spit bubbles – No and that’s just gross…
6. Can you cross your eyes - Yes
7. Tattoos – One in my lower back right side
8. Piercing - 6
9. Do you make your bed daily – I wanna’ say yes, but that would be a lie.
CLOTHES
10. Which shoe goes on first – The one that’s most accessible
11. Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone? – Yes…growing up they were a great weapon.
12. On the average, how much money do you carry? – I don’t believe in cash. I’m strictly debit card.
13. What jewelry do you wear 24/7? – earrings, watch (unless I’m in the shower)
14. Favorite piece of clothing? – tan low-rise cargo pants
FOOD
15. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? - I twirl it in a very lady-like fashion. I have EXCELLENT table manners.
16. Have you ever eaten Spam? – Have I? yes. Once. Will I ever do it again? HELL NO.
17. Do you use extra salt on your food? – I don’t believe in salt on anything except avocados.
18. How many cereals in your cabinet? – none. I do have a bag of apple/cinnamon granola.
19. What's your favorite beverage? – Perrier with lemon
20. What's your favorite fast food restaurant? - Pax or Better Burger
21. Do you cook? - I don’t really know how…
GROOMING
22. How often do you brush your teeth? – at least twice a day. Then I floss… I am obsessive about oral hygiene.
23. Hair drying method? – hair dryer and big round brush. Approx. drying time: 1 hour
24. Have you ever colored/highlighted your hair? – Yup.
MANNERS
25. Do you swear? – Not so much.
26. Do you ever spit? - No
FAVORITE
27. Animal - Dog
28. Food – Vegetable lasagna
29. Month - December (X-Mas!!!)
30. Day - Friday
31. Cartoon - Daria
32. Shoe brand – for sneakers, Nike. For flip-flops, old-navy. For dress shoes, Jimmy Choo/Christian Louboutin.
33. Subject in school – British Literature.
34. Color - Purple
35. Sport - Running
36. TV shows – It was Friends, but I no longer watch TV
37. Thing to do in the spring – Put away my coat.
38. Thing to do in the summer – Be outside while wearing the least amount of clothes.
39. Thing to do in the autumn – Bitch about where the summer went
40. Thing to do in the winter – Take a vacation
IN AND AROUND
41. In the CD player? – DMB and PVD
42. Person you talk most on the phone with? - Dan
43. Reading? – Just last night I finished Bergdorf Blondes by Plum Skye
44. Do you regularly check yourself out in store windows/mirrors? – Sometimes.
45. What color is your bedroom? – Pale lavender
46. Do you use an alarm clock? – Yup
47. Window seat or aisle? - Aisle. I don’t like to feel trapped
DUMB
48. What's your sleeping position – on my side hugging a pillow
49. Even in hot weather do you use a blanket – Always. If there is no duvet I’d rather not sleep.
50. Do you snore – Not that I know of…
51. Do you sleepwalk – Nope.
52. Do you talk in your sleep – Not that I know of.
53. Do you sleep with stuffed animals - Nope
54. How about with the light on – lights bother me
55. Do you fall asleep with the TV or radio on – Neither.
56. Last interesting person you met – hmmmmmmm I met David Lizarraga the other day. He was very interesting.
UNIQUE
1. Nervous habits - I bite my nails when I’m stressed out
2. Are you double jointed - No
3. Can you roll your tongue - No
4. Can you raise one eyebrow at a time - No
5. Can you blow spit bubbles – No and that’s just gross…
6. Can you cross your eyes - Yes
7. Tattoos – One in my lower back right side
8. Piercing - 6
9. Do you make your bed daily – I wanna’ say yes, but that would be a lie.
CLOTHES
10. Which shoe goes on first – The one that’s most accessible
11. Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone? – Yes…growing up they were a great weapon.
12. On the average, how much money do you carry? – I don’t believe in cash. I’m strictly debit card.
13. What jewelry do you wear 24/7? – earrings, watch (unless I’m in the shower)
14. Favorite piece of clothing? – tan low-rise cargo pants
FOOD
15. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? - I twirl it in a very lady-like fashion. I have EXCELLENT table manners.
16. Have you ever eaten Spam? – Have I? yes. Once. Will I ever do it again? HELL NO.
17. Do you use extra salt on your food? – I don’t believe in salt on anything except avocados.
18. How many cereals in your cabinet? – none. I do have a bag of apple/cinnamon granola.
19. What's your favorite beverage? – Perrier with lemon
20. What's your favorite fast food restaurant? - Pax or Better Burger
21. Do you cook? - I don’t really know how…
GROOMING
22. How often do you brush your teeth? – at least twice a day. Then I floss… I am obsessive about oral hygiene.
23. Hair drying method? – hair dryer and big round brush. Approx. drying time: 1 hour
24. Have you ever colored/highlighted your hair? – Yup.
MANNERS
25. Do you swear? – Not so much.
26. Do you ever spit? - No
FAVORITE
27. Animal - Dog
28. Food – Vegetable lasagna
29. Month - December (X-Mas!!!)
30. Day - Friday
31. Cartoon - Daria
32. Shoe brand – for sneakers, Nike. For flip-flops, old-navy. For dress shoes, Jimmy Choo/Christian Louboutin.
33. Subject in school – British Literature.
34. Color - Purple
35. Sport - Running
36. TV shows – It was Friends, but I no longer watch TV
37. Thing to do in the spring – Put away my coat.
38. Thing to do in the summer – Be outside while wearing the least amount of clothes.
39. Thing to do in the autumn – Bitch about where the summer went
40. Thing to do in the winter – Take a vacation
IN AND AROUND
41. In the CD player? – DMB and PVD
42. Person you talk most on the phone with? - Dan
43. Reading? – Just last night I finished Bergdorf Blondes by Plum Skye
44. Do you regularly check yourself out in store windows/mirrors? – Sometimes.
45. What color is your bedroom? – Pale lavender
46. Do you use an alarm clock? – Yup
47. Window seat or aisle? - Aisle. I don’t like to feel trapped
DUMB
48. What's your sleeping position – on my side hugging a pillow
49. Even in hot weather do you use a blanket – Always. If there is no duvet I’d rather not sleep.
50. Do you snore – Not that I know of…
51. Do you sleepwalk – Nope.
52. Do you talk in your sleep – Not that I know of.
53. Do you sleep with stuffed animals - Nope
54. How about with the light on – lights bother me
55. Do you fall asleep with the TV or radio on – Neither.
56. Last interesting person you met – hmmmmmmm I met David Lizarraga the other day. He was very interesting.
Monday, August 08, 2005
Follow the yellow brick road...
There are signs everywhere and the biggest mistake people make is to ignore them. Of this, I’m certain.
This weekend was a wonderful, low-key weekend. Aside from a minor upper west side argument started by someone with a lousy attitude and fueled by said person’s earlier disrespect of a parent I happen to like very much (not my own), I really needed a couple of days such as these.
I did 50% of everything I said I would do and had 100% of the fun I was expecting.
Then yesterday I went to the beach.
Tiffany, Dan and I all raced to Penn Station after a night that included midnight chocolate covered donuts and a walk to the Bronx (don’t ask), and headed over to Long Beach. It was good company and a good time.
Then the sign came.
The cutest little girl EVER, made her way over to where I was laying amusing myself reading the one and only book that has ever made me feel “uncool” and sat down next to me. She then proceeded to touch my stomach and play with my belly button ring. She did this for what felt like forever- in a good way.
I was so having one of these moments again…
I didn’t mind that she was trying to walk off with my flip-flops, or that she was making herself so comfy next to me. For one second, it was almost like I had my very own little blonde haired Fiona (except that her name was really Zyma)…
That’s a sign (or a reminder) if I ever saw one…
This weekend was a wonderful, low-key weekend. Aside from a minor upper west side argument started by someone with a lousy attitude and fueled by said person’s earlier disrespect of a parent I happen to like very much (not my own), I really needed a couple of days such as these.
I did 50% of everything I said I would do and had 100% of the fun I was expecting.
Then yesterday I went to the beach.
Tiffany, Dan and I all raced to Penn Station after a night that included midnight chocolate covered donuts and a walk to the Bronx (don’t ask), and headed over to Long Beach. It was good company and a good time.
Then the sign came.The cutest little girl EVER, made her way over to where I was laying amusing myself reading the one and only book that has ever made me feel “uncool” and sat down next to me. She then proceeded to touch my stomach and play with my belly button ring. She did this for what felt like forever- in a good way.
I was so having one of these moments again…I didn’t mind that she was trying to walk off with my flip-flops, or that she was making herself so comfy next to me. For one second, it was almost like I had my very own little blonde haired Fiona (except that her name was really Zyma)…
That’s a sign (or a reminder) if I ever saw one…
Friday, August 05, 2005
Finally Friday!
After a VERY long week, Friday is finally here and I couldn't be happier.
Actually, I would be happier if it was Friday AND I had won the lottery or something along those lines, but we can't be so demanding.
Today it occurred to me that my birthday is in 30 days. I'm officially entering my "late 20's". I don't think I like it. It's like I'm going from being a "twenty something" to being a "twenty a lot". The thought of it is quite disturbing. I wish that I could just jump straight to 30 and leave it at that.
It also occurred to me that in 31 days I will not be able to wear white for like 7 months. I like wearing white. It makes me feel wholesome. But whatever. Back to black we'll go but until then it'll be all white all the time.
Anyway...
This weekend is looking quite promising aside from the whole so much to do so little time thing... tonight there shall be laughter and dancing, tomorrow there will be music and dancing, and then on sunday I may or may not once again attempt to walk into a church without fear of lightning bolts coming at me...
If that fails, of course, there is always the beach.
Actually, I would be happier if it was Friday AND I had won the lottery or something along those lines, but we can't be so demanding.
Today it occurred to me that my birthday is in 30 days. I'm officially entering my "late 20's". I don't think I like it. It's like I'm going from being a "twenty something" to being a "twenty a lot". The thought of it is quite disturbing. I wish that I could just jump straight to 30 and leave it at that.
It also occurred to me that in 31 days I will not be able to wear white for like 7 months. I like wearing white. It makes me feel wholesome. But whatever. Back to black we'll go but until then it'll be all white all the time.
Anyway...
This weekend is looking quite promising aside from the whole so much to do so little time thing... tonight there shall be laughter and dancing, tomorrow there will be music and dancing, and then on sunday I may or may not once again attempt to walk into a church without fear of lightning bolts coming at me...
If that fails, of course, there is always the beach.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
DMB at Randalls Island- pics
Good news:
It took me about a week but I finally got that Fun Saver developed.
Bad news:
None of the pictures we took after it got dark came out.
REALLY bad news:
The good pictures were taken at night. *sigh*
It took me about a week but I finally got that Fun Saver developed.
Bad news:
None of the pictures we took after it got dark came out.
REALLY bad news:
The good pictures were taken at night. *sigh*
If you absolutely must see more pictures, click here.
We all die sooner or later...
For three weeks these flowers were on my table.
Now they are dead.
They lasted surprisingly long...
all things being considered.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Positive plus negative equals negative
I think that pretty much everyone has at least one negative quality. Sometimes is really easy to spot it; but some other times you really have to look for it. In either case, it’s there and unless said quality is extremely unbearable, most people learn to live with it.
On the most part, I am pretty tolerant when it comes to people and their shortcomings. This may be because unless I am completely unattached from the person, I am willing to overlook their flaws. Hard to say. But since I tend to dwell on things, by completely ignoring the bad I am happier.
The only negative quality I can’t overlook under any circumstance is dishonesty. In any of its forms, dishonesty, especially when it's done purposely and deliberately, is (at least for me) one of the most horrible traits ever. People who are not open and candid are not good people. At least I don’t think they are.
Among the dishonest tough, there are two kinds of people who are just the worse:
1. Those who lie by omission.
Example:
Me: What did you eat?
Dishonest person: Rice and fish
*the actual truth*: Sushi
2. Those who practice selective story-telling.
Example:
Me: I like Klimt because his use of the color yellow gives depth to his paintings.
Later.
Dishonest person: She said that Klimt’s paintings have no depth.
As far as I’m concerned, people who lie without a REALLY good reason (sparing someone’s feelings is not a good reason) should go spend all of eternity in the 9th circle of Dante’s Hell. Abusing someone’s trust and confidence is never acceptable.
Pushing out of your life someone who never had the best intentions at heart is always a good thing.
On the most part, I am pretty tolerant when it comes to people and their shortcomings. This may be because unless I am completely unattached from the person, I am willing to overlook their flaws. Hard to say. But since I tend to dwell on things, by completely ignoring the bad I am happier.
The only negative quality I can’t overlook under any circumstance is dishonesty. In any of its forms, dishonesty, especially when it's done purposely and deliberately, is (at least for me) one of the most horrible traits ever. People who are not open and candid are not good people. At least I don’t think they are.
Among the dishonest tough, there are two kinds of people who are just the worse:
1. Those who lie by omission.
Example:
Me: What did you eat?
Dishonest person: Rice and fish
*the actual truth*: Sushi
2. Those who practice selective story-telling.
Example:
Me: I like Klimt because his use of the color yellow gives depth to his paintings.
Later.
Dishonest person: She said that Klimt’s paintings have no depth.
As far as I’m concerned, people who lie without a REALLY good reason (sparing someone’s feelings is not a good reason) should go spend all of eternity in the 9th circle of Dante’s Hell. Abusing someone’s trust and confidence is never acceptable.
Pushing out of your life someone who never had the best intentions at heart is always a good thing.
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Worldly obsessions.
I love to shop.
I hate to try on stuff.
But I love to shop.
The other day I spotted a dress on the window of Searle. Without any hesitation I walked into the store (Third Ave. and 62St)with every intention of buying the dress as long as it fit somewhere near normal.
They didn't have my size. They only carry one size of each and then they divide it among the stores. Great.
I walked to the store that did have my size (Third Ave. and 74St) and tried on the dress.
OH MY GOD!!
I was in love.
I was in love with the dress.
I was in love with me wearing the dress.
I was so going to buy it.
Then I looked at the price tag. Hmmmmmmm
Damn you Roberto Cavalli!!!
But I'm still obsesing.
I better stop soon.
If not I'll buy it.
Now you go. Fall in love with my newest obsession.
I hate to try on stuff.
But I love to shop.
The other day I spotted a dress on the window of Searle. Without any hesitation I walked into the store (Third Ave. and 62St)with every intention of buying the dress as long as it fit somewhere near normal.
They didn't have my size. They only carry one size of each and then they divide it among the stores. Great.
I walked to the store that did have my size (Third Ave. and 74St) and tried on the dress.
OH MY GOD!!
I was in love.
I was in love with the dress.
I was in love with me wearing the dress.
I was so going to buy it.
Then I looked at the price tag. Hmmmmmmm
Damn you Roberto Cavalli!!!
But I'm still obsesing.
I better stop soon.
If not I'll buy it.
Now you go. Fall in love with my newest obsession.
Monday, August 01, 2005
Not "baby" anymore.
When I was about 13 my brother Ivan brought home a friend.
J was the quintessential all American boy: he was smart, athletic, good looking, charming and cool. Boys wanted to be him and girls wanted to be with him. There was nothing about him that couldn’t be seen in a positive light.
Ivan and J were very close. They went to school together, played football together, and hung out together. Needless to say, he spent plenty of time in our house; the house where I also lived. It wasn’t very long before J had become a part of the circle of friends that Ivan and I shared and slowly but surely J and I begun to really like each other.
For about a year and a half, maybe two years, J and I liked each other privately. We would go out with our friends and hold hands when nobody was looking, while eating we would play footsie, we would tell each other stupid jokes, and when it was time to say good bye we would hug for longer than necessary.
When we were about 15, J and I hooked up.
J was my first real everything. I thought that I was the luckiest person ever because I had fallen in love with my friend. It was beautiful. Everything about us made sense, even the things that didn’t. That time of my life was priceless.
After a while though, we began to have serious problems. The fact that I moved a lot wasn’t helpful, and neither was the fact that keeping our relationship a secret had turned into a real hell. A little after two years after our relationship started, it came to a bitter end. Things between us ended so badly that I looked at the move that came shortly thereafter as my salvation.
I didn’t see him again until 1998 when I ran into him at Garden State Plaza. Unbeknownst to me, he was out shopping with my brother so we got to all sit down and have lunch together like the old days. But these were no old days. I was sitting across from a guy who got better and better looking as the days went by. And I still loved him. But we were over. I thought I’d never get over him.
That was the last time I saw J until last Saturday.
To get to Randalls Island for the DMB show, we had to take the express bus in Harlem. As I was standing by the subway steps, I looked up and recognized those blue eyes that looked at me for so long. He was standing right next to me.
I was shocked.
Before I knew it, I was like:
Me: J?
Him: yeah?
Me: J *insert last name here*?
Me: OMG! It’s me, Ana!
Him: *no longer looking puzzled. Now shocked* OMG! How long has it been?
Me: I don’t know…7 or 8 years?
That was the beginning of our 2 minute exchange. As we talked, I examined the features I knew so well only to find that life didn’t seem to have been so kind to him. He had changed and the only thing within him that I could recognize was those eyes and that stare. He seemed to have felt the same way. For those 2 minutes we were almost like strangers.
I never thought that I would stop loving him. But I did. I got over him.
"Only kisses on the cheek from now on
And in a little while, we'll only have to wave"
J was the quintessential all American boy: he was smart, athletic, good looking, charming and cool. Boys wanted to be him and girls wanted to be with him. There was nothing about him that couldn’t be seen in a positive light.
Ivan and J were very close. They went to school together, played football together, and hung out together. Needless to say, he spent plenty of time in our house; the house where I also lived. It wasn’t very long before J had become a part of the circle of friends that Ivan and I shared and slowly but surely J and I begun to really like each other.
For about a year and a half, maybe two years, J and I liked each other privately. We would go out with our friends and hold hands when nobody was looking, while eating we would play footsie, we would tell each other stupid jokes, and when it was time to say good bye we would hug for longer than necessary.
When we were about 15, J and I hooked up.
J was my first real everything. I thought that I was the luckiest person ever because I had fallen in love with my friend. It was beautiful. Everything about us made sense, even the things that didn’t. That time of my life was priceless.
After a while though, we began to have serious problems. The fact that I moved a lot wasn’t helpful, and neither was the fact that keeping our relationship a secret had turned into a real hell. A little after two years after our relationship started, it came to a bitter end. Things between us ended so badly that I looked at the move that came shortly thereafter as my salvation.
I didn’t see him again until 1998 when I ran into him at Garden State Plaza. Unbeknownst to me, he was out shopping with my brother so we got to all sit down and have lunch together like the old days. But these were no old days. I was sitting across from a guy who got better and better looking as the days went by. And I still loved him. But we were over. I thought I’d never get over him.
That was the last time I saw J until last Saturday.
To get to Randalls Island for the DMB show, we had to take the express bus in Harlem. As I was standing by the subway steps, I looked up and recognized those blue eyes that looked at me for so long. He was standing right next to me.
I was shocked.
Before I knew it, I was like:
Me: J?
Him: yeah?
Me: J *insert last name here*?
Me: OMG! It’s me, Ana!
Him: *no longer looking puzzled. Now shocked* OMG! How long has it been?
Me: I don’t know…7 or 8 years?
That was the beginning of our 2 minute exchange. As we talked, I examined the features I knew so well only to find that life didn’t seem to have been so kind to him. He had changed and the only thing within him that I could recognize was those eyes and that stare. He seemed to have felt the same way. For those 2 minutes we were almost like strangers.
I never thought that I would stop loving him. But I did. I got over him.
And in a little while, we'll only have to wave"
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