Just so you know...

I haven't entirely lost my desire to keep blogging so everyone calm down. Thanks for the concern though! I feel so warm and fuzzy inside now :)

My mother's birthday is this weekend so today my brothers and I are going to go see her. I'll write again when I come back.

Rituals.

I am losing the desire to continue keeping this blog.

I have to blame my vacation for this.

For the 9 months that I've been keeping this blog, most of the time I wrote from the comfort of my office while I ate my salad and sipped my seltzer during lunch. These were things that until recently I associated to each other and as such without the one, the other wasn't nearly as entertaining.

rituals
1. A ceremonial act or a series of such acts.
2. The performance of such acts.
3. A detailed method of procedure faithfully or regularly followed.
4. A state or condition characterized by the presence of established procedure or routine.

*Source: Dictionary.com

I like to think that I'm someone who is not entirely predictable (or anal-retentive); however, I am the first to admit that I am a creature of habit. In the uncertainty of my everyday existance I find comfort in observing the rituals that adorn each unplanned event in my life. I think that in some ways, rituals are something that I recognize when everythign else seems alien.

Ever since I started my sabbatycal, a lot of my rituals have had to be either modified or stopped altogether. Needless to say, my whole existance seems completely out of sync as a result. I think that a disorganized life reflects a disorganized existance and right now, being in a territory that I haven't fully familiarized myself with yet, I feel like an internal mess.

As I write this, I am looking to start new rituals or to find a way to acomodate the old ones to this new situation I find myself in. It's taking me a while but these things can't be rushed. I wasn't born with the instinct of having a coffee cup on my hand every morning. Everything has to make sense within it's given frame of reference and the things that are carried from a previous life have to allow for growth and not keep you living in the past.

For what is worth, I'd like to keep writing here. I always found this to be a positive release; however, I don't know if there is room for this particular ritual in my current life as nothing else within it seems to compliment it and for me blogging was part of an activity, not the whole.

"...One must observe the proper rites..."
"What is a rite?" asked the little prince.
"Those also are actions too often neglected," said the fox.
"They are what make one day different from other days, one hour from other hours."
-The Little Prince

Ending with a bang not a whisper...

I have to start this post with this picture of Ivan and me. I love this picture. We look so happy there!

Anyway, last night was my last minute Bon Voyage party. I was freaking exhausted because this whole packing thing has been kicking my ass so I didn't really want to go; however, what a party it was! I haven't had this much fun in a long time...

I always say that, don't I?

So yeah, Ivan and I went to Crobar last night with along with Tiffany and Bill as guests of Brad and Leah. What a party! Apparently the Gods of Graygoose were loving me again because I drank and all I got was a wonderful variation of "happy". It was perfect! In the VIP lounge we made friends with some very colorful characters and we danced the night away. I hadn't done that in a long time. Even though I go out regularly, I don't usually do clubs.

Oh! and I had my very first Red Bull ever.

There was this dude there who looked just like Carson from Queer Eye. It totally could have been him except that he was making out with some chick who managed to get around the lounge quickly and efficiently *play "Golddigger" here*.

I picked up three random Europeans who were really funny. I was really glad that Ivan and Bill were around to scare them away though. Some guys are relentless. Not to mention that I am trying really hard to stay away from Europeans for a while but it's like they can't stay away! Go figure! and to think it's so hard to not give in to teptation...Europeans are so sexy!

Unfortunately, Tiffany bailed on us early. It doesn't seem like she prepared herself for what was coming as well as she should have (ie- big fat slice of pizza or nice bowl of pasta) so she wasn't holding her alcohol too well. She was very graceful about her drunkenness though and quit while she was ahead.

We left the bar at something like 5am and it wasn't really because we were tired but because we had to wake up at 8:30am tonight to get stuff done. On the way home we had the cab ride from hell and at the end of it asshole taxi driver had the nerve to bitch at me for not getting a tip.

Sometimes I really hate people.

...but I really loved last night.

Things change but they always stay the same.

In my lifetime I've moved around a lot. I read somewhere once that the average person moves three times in their lifetime. Thus far, I've moved something like 11. I wish I could say that with practice the process of moving gets easier but it really doesn't. It does become more efficient and methodical though.

These past couple of days my anal-retentiveness is in full swing (though I think Ivan is being much worse than me!). At this point, I am pretty certain that I could be a professional mover for a living :)

I didn't realize that these past couple of years I had accumulated so much stuff. When I first moved into this apartment, I remember moving in with my furniture and two suitcases worth of clothes. I've already packed those two suitcases and I have yet to make a dent in either of my closets.

My brother says that I need to stop buying stuff and deep down I know that I should. I really didn't NEED to buy all those books and movies. It's not necessary for me to have a collection of gadgets that would make a teenage boy jealous. How many pairs of shoes does a person REALLY need?

I know everything is too much but I'm not getting rid of anything.

Although I am not really emotionally attached to the physical things that comprise my world, it gives me comfort to know that I still keep the things that kept my life together through each of my 11 moves and that each time instead of starting over, I am building on what I have. In January, when I move into my new place, I will set everything up in a fashion similar as it was and I'll feel like I'm home.

So yeah, I should get back to packing.

-------

On a different note, if any of you are anywhere near the projected path of hurricane Rita, please take care of yourselves. If you can, leave. I think we've already seen enough loss and destruction... My best wishes to you all.

Things that scare us.

A couple of weeks ago I had a very long conversation with my friend X-girl. My friendship with X-girl is based on honesty. There is no such thing as an embarrassing secret with her. Everything that's ever been in either of our minds has always come out in earnest and I like to think that as friends we have always complimented each other.

During our conversation, she told me that during her latest physical she had gotten tested for STDs and that she felt good about life knowing that she was healthy and well. I felt good about life knowing that she was healthy and well too so I let her carry on with the conversation. That's when she did it. She asked me if I had ever been tested for STDs.

That was the most embarrassing "no" I have ever said.

I had never been tested for anything except for HIV and that wasn't even on purpose. I donate blood often so I just figured that if I had it they'd say something.

Although I know that in this day and age everyone is at risk of contracting an STD, I really never saw myself as the type of person who could EVER be at risk for anything. I don't use intravenous drugs, I am neither promiscuous nor do I practice serial monogamy, I believe in safer sex, etc. so it always seemed like those tests were not intended for me.

X-girl didn't find this amusing. I was bitched at for an hour.

Last week I went to my gyno for my yearly check-up. I hate that f*cking place. Anyway, while I was there it was like the voice of X-girl had been connected to a loud speaker in my head because all I could hear was "you could be dying of something right now and you don't even want to know" and "you could kill someone you love!" which were parts of her little speech.

So I did it. I got tested for EVERYTHING.

I had to wait 7 business days to get the results back and all I can say is that those 7 business days (9 if you count weekends) were the most stressful days of my life. Although in my mind I have been certain all along that I'm as healthy as can be, all it took to make me crazy was to acknowledge the possibility that I might not be.

I've imagined the scenarios where I get told that I am dying of (or living with) HIV, or that I'm two weeks away from syphilis induced insanity or that my dreams of parenthood are squashed because I failed to notice that I had gonorreah. I've also imagined having to call someone to tell them that I may have infected them and then the worse scenario- buying a gun and shooting the motherf*cker who got me sick.

But 7 business days later, 9 if you count the weekend, I am 100% healthy. Once again I'm worry-free though this time it's a different kind of relief. If before I thought that I was fine now I am CERTAIN that I am, and that counts for something.

So this is the part where I am going to preach to you all and I'm going to tell you to consider getting tested yourself. Unless you are a virgin (and as usual that has its exclusions) consider the possibility that not everyone is as clean as they seem. Even if you are married (because I did hear once from a married person the words "condoms? what?") don't trust your spouse so blindly as people do cheat. It's really better to be safe than sorry.

Wonderful Wild Berries

This little guy has been causing me all kinds of stress for the past couple of days. It seems to have decided to take residence in my apartment and now everytime I go out for anything, there it is. On the most part, it doesn't really bother me that he/she is around. My problem with it is that it keeps changing places on me and I get freaked out everytime.

If I had to say whether or not I have any problems with my apartment, I would have to say this is it: During the warmer months, I get my fair share of bugs (ie- crickets, bees, ladybugs, butterflies) which is way weird considering that I live on a 15th floor.

Whatever though. At least I don't get mice and roaches :)

Last night, Deanna, Dan and I went to the Finlandia party in celebration of their new Wild berry vodka. It took place at the Central Park Zoo and it was quite nice. Lots of pretty people. Had I known there would be pretty people, I would have at least worn make up. Oh well.


I got the recipe for a drink I had last night that I happened to enjoy very much. Here it goes:

Wonderful Wild Berries
Finlandia Wild Berry vodka
POM Wonderful Pomegranate juice
Perrier Carbonated Water
a twist of lime

Right up my alley :)

My brother Ivan is coming to NYC today and I am very excited about it. He is coming for the sole purpose of helping me pack so I can put my stuff into storage. I like that they think that I can't pack my own stuff :) It's occurred to me that I am going to miss this apartment a lot despite the fact that I've had so many issues here; however, if I could get used to Upper East Side living, I will be alright just about anywhere (outside of the Boroughs and these days I'm feeling Chelsea).

Today I'm going to go have lunch with my old boss (not Joe but Marlene). I used to work for a non-profit when I first came to NY and over the years I have tried to stay in touch and help out as much as I can. It's really a good thing to do. Those people struggle a lot.

For now though, I'm gonna get some coffee. I'm still sleepy.

Raspberry goodness!

binge
n.
1. A drunken spree or revel.
2. A period of unrestrained, immoderate self-indulgence.
3. A period of excessive or uncontrolled indulgence in food or drink: an eating binge.

Raspberry Tiramisu rocks. Between the three of us, we managed to eat most of a dessert for 12. I am so going to the gym today!!

I told Dan that next time we should use Splenda, egg beaters, and a sponge cake instead of lady fingers but my idea was shot down. We are only making this for special ocassions and I'm not allowed to have the recipe.

He sucks :P

sweetened out!

Scones are the best thing to come out of the UK aside James Bond. Love them! Love them! Love them! and I just had one :)

Today we are celebrating my birthday AGAIN. Today is raspberry tiramisu day and the usual suspects are coming over. I'm so happy that instead of conserving calories so I can pig out properly, I have decided that today I'll just give in to my munchies for once.

I mean, I AM ON VACATION. I am allowed to do such things!

This weekend was a toughie. I was still going back and forth in my brain about decisions that I don't have to make for months and it wasn't until this morning that it occurred to me that for once I don't have to do ANYTHING but catch up on my sleep among other mindless things. The feeling is amazing.

Though all things being considered, I've been productive these past few days. I had lunch with my grandma who is still a few months shy of 66 but acts like she is 97, I finished my scrap book, I started reading a new book, I went to the hairdresser, had an unnecessary mani/pedi, and slept like my life depended on it.

Apparently today there is a street fair going on in Lexington Avenue. I would be totally excited were it not because just yesterday I had to endure the Steuben German American parade in Fifth Avenue. As if it's not enough to have to deal with the masses of tourists everyday of our lives, we have to draw even bigger additional crowds. Woo Hoo!

I am in the process of making a "tiramisu" playlist for my iPod. I thought this would be easier but I can't think of enough "sweet" songs. The people of Dylan's should post their playlist...

I wish it was Sunday...

This is the end beautiful friend

This is the end my only friend

the end

-The End by The Doors

This morning I overslept and as a result I was running late for my last day of work. Not only was I running late, but 15 minutes before I was supposed to be on my way I realized that 50% of my work clothes are at the dry cleaners and the other 50% are still sitting in my couch unironed.

That had NEVER happened to me.

So what did I do? I said screw it. Today I showed up to work wearing khaki cargo pants, a red tank top and sneakers. I also showed up 15 minutes late as I wasn't about to give up my latte for the sake of punctuality. Though I was slightly paranoid about the possibility of getting in trouble, it occurred to me that the worse that can happen is that they fire me but I already quit.

Nobody said anything.

Last night I was hanging out with my friend Phillip. He came over to my place to catch up like we do every so often. During our conversation my own nervousness and uncertainty about the future manifested itself by me babbling on forever and ever about nothing and everything. I felt like I had to justify why I'm not not nearly as crazy about New York as I once was and it was killing me. Then, in what seemed like a burst of wisdom that came accompanied by angel's singing and flashes of light, he just said that if I'm not feeling it I should let it go.

A reminder of my own mantra.

So today begins my extended vacation. The next three and a half months are going to be for me and for me alone. In the beginning of next week I'm going to start putting my stuff in storage and my detachment from this city shall begin. I promised myself that I wouldn't make any life-changing decisions until at least mid-November when I will know for sure whether or not I'll be starting graduate school this January, but deep down in my heart I know that I want to find a place where I can build a home for myself already and here ain't it.

So much to worry about!

Sometimes I wish I was one of those really simple people who are okay wherever they are and are totally content with what they have and don't ever wonder what else is there. It is true, in ignorance there is bliss.

I think I need therapy.

The next episode...

Tomorrow is my last day at work. I am so happy I could cry; though knowing me, come tomorrow I will be crying because I am going to miss the place I have come to know so well.

Today I’m going to start bringing home my stuff.

Yesterday I didn’t really think that my stuff would amount to much, but just today I realized that I made this very manly place my own. For a long time I was the only female here, and then Ashley the intern came along. It was hard to compete with all the testosterone. But I did. We did.

My pictures, my books, my pastel post-its, my flowers, the cocktail dress eternally hanging in the coat closet, two pairs of high heels (I wear sneakers to work) and even the box of tampons I keep stashed in the conference room bathroom somehow made the place different; and even Joe, my boss, seems a little bummed out that things are going back to the way they were. But like all my previous employers he knows that even though I’m leaving, that doesn’t mean that he’ll be rid of me :)

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life.
Everyday is the first day of the rest of my life.

I am nervous and a little sad but that’s normal. I’ve been here before and will probably find myself in the same place again. This is all part of the adventure and part of doing it gracefully is moving forward without looking back.

The few reasons why I like Brooklyn...

From Williamsburg, the view of the NYC skyline is truly impressive. Sure, you can get the same view from a number of different places around the city, but this is pretty nice.

I like Williamsburg because it is the home of friends. Yesterday, Margherita gave me the 2 cent tour of her Williamsburg. It came with flea markets, artists' bazaars and an outdoor diner. Oh and she gave me one of the best birtdhay presents I received: A pound of parmesan cheese imported straight from her hometown in Italy.

(I love cheese!)

My last favorite part of Williamsburg is their way of self-expression. This was on the sidewalk between Bedford Ave and N. 6th St.

As you cam imagine, I agree with this completely :)

Annush die Hausfrau v 2.0

I love doing household chores. There are very few things around my place that I actually hate doing, those being bed making and mopping. Other than that, I do great with everything else when I actually have the time to do it.

My favorite things to do are laundry and food shopping.

With laundry I enjoy the entire process: the sorting, the soaking (I soak my whites in OxiClean for a while before I put them in the washer), the washing, the drying, the folding and even the ironing.

Grocery shopping is the best though because it requires me to go outside, pick out stuff I like and buy it. Because I live alone, I don't believe in buying stuff for the week. I change my mind a lot so whatever I buy runs the risk of going bad just because I won't feel like eating it. To avoid this, I have learned to once a week buy the stuff that I know I'll sooner or later eat (apple sauce, water, crackers, etc), though I only do this cause I love going to Whole Foods, and then everyday go to the supermarket to buy whatever I feel like eating that day.

The only problem I have with this is that as a result I have so many shopping bags I don't know what to do with them. This is a culture of abundance and because of this it is also a culture that allows for wasteful use of resources. Although normally when I go to the supermarket I bring my own canvas bag(s) like I learned to do in Europe, I don't always have it on me and it irks me when I go and buy a tomato and some mozarella and they hand it to me double bagged.

Today, when I went to drop off my recycling I thought that I would bring back their bags so that they could recycle them or something and you can imagine my shock when I saw them take them and throw them out!!!! We are talking about bags that were perfectly good. I tried to argue that one, but according to the fine people of Food Emporium, if bags are used once they are no longer usable. Meanwhile for one item you get 2 bags.

I'm not shopping there again. They obviously don't care about the environment.

But it's not just them either. Earlier today, before I went to the supermarket, I went to Duane Reade to get a new toothbrush because the little blue lines in mine are dangerously faded (I obsess about my teeth). While I was there I also bought a pack of hairclips and a deodorant. When the cashier gave me my stuff I noticed that it was double bagged. I took everything out of the bags, put it in my purse and the woman gave me a dirty look.

I think that everyone should do a little bit to help the environment. It doesn't take that much effort and all it requires is a little common sense. All that wasteful use of resources (not to mention money) is unnecessary. If we are going to brag about being a modern nation, we should catch up with the times and do our part in improving the situations that affect us today.

This is just an idea...

Working girl.

Although it's a little early still, it seems like the fall is coming in. For two days now I've been carrying around a sweater and all I can say is that I don't like it. Don't get me wrong, I like the changes in seasons, and I like the cold to an extent but I hate to think of a 9 month winter. That's why I am fleeing NY until January and I can't wait to leave.

I don't know when I am going to be leaving exactely which complicates things a bit but I will leave and I will leave soon.

Good thing that the Argentinian summer is during our winter. I don't know if I'm going ot make it all the way down there yet, but I sure will try and if I do make it, I'll only bring shorts :)

Anyway, things at work have been hectic. I don't know if all the work I've found myself doing lately is because I'm leaving and my boos is trying to get all he can out of me, or because my replacement spends so much time talking shit that he doesn't really do anything. All I do know is that last night I couldn't meet Margherita because I wasn't free until well after 8 and I was pissed off. I was so tired that I only read 30 pages of my book. That my friends, is unheard of.

Tonight there is a Fundraiser for the victims of Hurricane Katrina over at Cielo. I am thinking about going and I do want to go but the weather looks gloomy, I am freaking exhausted, and apparently I am not the only one. I guess I could just donate more money directly to the red cross but I feel so much more generous when I am having fun while I am giving! If any of you reading this can go, you should. It will be a good party.

Speaking of which, I stumbled across this article today and I found it very interesting...then again, it might be because I work in Public Relations and I hate Bush. Check it out though.

I have to get back to work now. Yuck. I'll post something entertaining this weekend.

The past 36 hours in a nutshell...

For the past two days I’ve been training the person who was brought in to replace me at work. My departure seems imminent now and as the days pass, I’ve become more and more comfortable with my decision.

This guy though is going to lead me to leave even quicker than necessary because I can’t stand him.

This morning I got to work at 8:45am. By 9:30am I was ready to either throw him out the window or jump myself. Now I am just about ready to do both (throw him and then jump) because I just can’t take it anymore. But 5 more work days and I’m out of here. Mr. Bossman, on the other hand, is not and I actually feel kinda bad for him.

Anyway, what keeps me going today is that I get to see Margherita for the first time in over a month. Marghy had been in Italy for most of the summer and now she is back and truth be told, I can’t wait to see her. It’s been a while.

Last night I started reading this really great book that has me hooked: The World According to Garp by John Irving. I'm only on page 57 but I am enjoying it like you wouldn't believe! I don’t know why I was always so reluctant to read it because now I am dying to finish it so I can read all of his other books.

Last night I also discovered the Body by Victoria triangle bra. OH MY GOD! That’s what I’ve been looking for my whole life! Well not really my whole life, but at least since I lost weight and became nearly flat chested. One can’t spend every hour of every day wearing a padded bra. That’s just wrong!

Anyway, I feel like this 4 day work week is dragging on too long. I want tomorrow to come. I am in the mood for some dancing!

What goes up must come down.

I'm back!

Actually, I've been back since yesterday but I haven't had neither the time nor the inclination to write. For that, I apologize. It's just so easy for me to get out of the habit of doing things and it's been almost a week since I last wrote.

Anyway, enough with the excuses. My trip was wonderful. For the first time in years both of my brothers were around for my birthday, my mother threw me a lovely dinner Saturday night with some of my closest DR friends and then on Sunday I spent the day at Aura (the beach). I came back well fed, with slightly shorter hair, and with this ridiculous tan! While at the beach, I forgot to turn around so the front of my body is nice and red where as the back is not :) Also, my bday gift to myself was a new pair of Chanel sunglasses and well, while at the beach I forgot to take those off...hahaha

Being away gave me some time to stop thinking about all the things that are going on here. It has occurred to me that were there to be a terrorist attack right now anywhere in American soil, and that might just be the end of America as we know it.

I find it hard to believe that we were so unprepared for hurricane Katrina that it has turned into this mess. I am also shocked at the Federal response to the disaster. They are all pointing fingers to each other and blaming the bureaucracy and apparently they forget that Bush didn't decide to come back from vacation until Wednesday, meanwhile the city flooded on Monday. They also seem to forget that to go start a war in Iraq didn't take this long, and that to appoint the other idiot what's his name as US ambassador to the U.N. didn't take this long either and it was done without the bureaucracy.

I don't know if I'll go so far as to agree with Kanye West by saying that George Bush doesn't like black people, but I will say that he sure as hell doesn't like the poor folks. Reading the news yesterday and reading the remark his mother (former First Lady Barbara Bush) made about how evacuating the city improved the situation of some of the evacuees because they were so underprivileged I was shocked that anyone in their right mind would say that. But that's evidence of the kind of household he grew up in and the kind of values he has.

I know that had Katerina happened in NYC, which gives the federal government billions of dollars a year in taxes, this would be an entirely different ball game. Bloomberg wouldn't have to swear on National TV or put out desperate SOSs because things happen here and people take notice.

Also, look at all the international aid being offered that's being turned away as if we don't need it. Cuba offered 1,500 doctors (some of the best in the world might I add) and medicines to be sent over here. I don't' think Bush ever even responded. As if all the sick people are being taken care of. As if we couldn't use the medicines. All because Fidel Castro is a communist and there is an embargo. It irks me! This could have been the beginning of something good but the Bush pride stands in the way. I wonder if it's also standing in the way of accepting Chavez's offer to send cheap gas/oil...

I think that more and more this country is acquiring some really bad karma...

And the celebrations began...NYC

My birthday celebrations started last night and all I can say is that this morning when I first woke up, I slowly opened one eye first and then the other before I very carefully turned my body in the direction of the floor.

Yes, I drank. Three drinks to be exact. And I feared the hang over from hell. But apparently the Gods of Greygoose had pity on me because not only am I hangover free, today I look radiant if I may say so myself :)

…it must be because in less than 6 hours I am going away!

Anyway, the evening started with a turkey and roasted corn on the cob dinner from Whole Foods with Kristhina. Because she INSISTED that it was necessary that I drank last night, I INSISTED that it was necessary that I had a good meal beforehand.

We all know what happens to me when I drink without being properly fed…

After dinner we went to meet everyone at APT. It was a small group that consisted of Kristhina, Dan, Tiffany, Tobias and George. Although it was quite unfortunate that the rest of my friends skipped town for the weekend, I had a great time nonetheless. We hung out there for a while, had a few drinks, discussed the sluttiness of Suedes, the kinkiness of Germans, had a long discussion about the differences between making out and hooking up and the practical definitions of fuck, screw, sex, and making love.

We sure talk about sex a lot…


.In any case, after a while we proceeded to move on to the bar down the street. It just so happened that said bar was Hogs and Heifers. The difference was abysmal. By the time we got there, I was feeling more than happy (I’m telling you, I really am a cheap drunk) and all it took to finish me off was drink #3 (thank you George!).

We were chilling there for a while enjoying our yearly dose of country/rockabilly music and somehow next thing I knew Tiffany, Kristhina and I were dancing on top of the bar and some dude was buying us shots.

I did not drink my shot. Dan did.

Dan was way drunk.

In general the night was great. My inner feminist is pissed at me, but like they say, shit happens. Last night, I got to spend time with my two oldest and best friends and people I care about. It wasn’t big or rowdy but it was definitely fun. As I get closer to the actual date of my birthday, it occurs to me that maybe getting older isn’t so bad. Thinking back on last night and comparing it to my real 19th birthday, the only thing that made this birthday soiree any different is that we could get into bars legally this time around.

I do wonder though what the next couple of days are going to throw my way…