I'll be back Sunday night...
If I don't turn up before that, I'll turn up then!
I'm so excited! I didn't realize just how much I missed my friends...especially the ones who are waiting for me with Bellinis, veggie burgers with gluten-free buns, and other yummie things I like that I refuse to write about :)
I know some pretty great people!
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Monday, September 25, 2006
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Even when you are not here, you are here.
...and the farther you are away, the more I wish you were near.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
World Hold On...
Uff! Yesterday was a long day and last night was a long night... I had fun though. I'm definitely going to wear cargo pants more often ;)
Oooooh life! Nothing like looking at the world from a different perspective!
If anyone cares, tonight at Loft, Gary "Nesta" Pine with local beats by our friends from Urban Soul. (I am not in the mood to post a flyer and in case you are wondering, I'm not going...If I have to hear The Love Generation one more time, I am going to kill myself.)
Oooooh life! Nothing like looking at the world from a different perspective!
If anyone cares, tonight at Loft, Gary "Nesta" Pine with local beats by our friends from Urban Soul. (I am not in the mood to post a flyer and in case you are wondering, I'm not going...If I have to hear The Love Generation one more time, I am going to kill myself.)
Friday, September 22, 2006
yet another existential crisis...
Kristhina got engaged.
It is such a weird feeling to have to acknowledge the fact that as we get older things change. The more I think about it, the more the concept of "grown-up" enrages me. I don't want to grow up, let all things good remain the same.
Not many of my friends have tied the knot; and of the couple of friends who have, I have only attended two of their weddings and have gone more out of responsability than out of actual desire. Each time was an experience in itself:
1. I had just gotten out of the hospital the day before. I fainted 10 minutes into the reception.
2. Our flight had been delayed something like 18 hours. I was exhausted. At the party I was so drunk I might have/ could have done stuff that would make interesting story telling...all I remember though was a lot of vodka-sodas and one of my "chicken cutlets" flying out of my dress.
Everytime big news of the rite of passage variety come my way, I go through an existential crisis. I can't help myself. It's as if other people's life experiences are being put out on display as the ruler against which my own life experiences are measured. And if perhaps my life experiences have been different, at times like these I feel like I lag behind.
Kristhina is my oldest friend. I remember us in her room playing at the age of 11. I remember the summer when we were 13-14 that we started collecing key chains. The one who collected the most keychains by the end of the summer would get a banana split. By September, I had 487- two more than she did. I gave her one so we could be tied and we shared the banana split.
I am happy for her. Happier than I ever thought I could be. Yesterday, as she was telling me about her engagement experience I was sitting there crying tears of happiness for both her and George because if there was ever a perfect couple, that would be them. Because if it could have happened that I could have lost a friend to that relationship (as it has happened), I gained one instead.
But then I felt just a little bit sad because there was always that joke that my baby would be her flower girl (notice how nobody expects me to get married); but unless I have a baby tomorrow and it's born walking, it's probably not going to happen.
I've fallen behind and I'm feeling things I have never felt before. Maybe because she is like the closest thing I've had to a sister. It is so hard to say. But I can't be selfish; not about this.
And in the weird turn of events as she was being proposed to, I was writing to her to tell her that I would be in NY next week. As luck would have it, my trip came just in time to make it to her engagement party.
I've decided that even if I have to leave that party to go get a prescription for Prozac, I am going to go and I'm going to enjoy it damn it! :)
It is such a weird feeling to have to acknowledge the fact that as we get older things change. The more I think about it, the more the concept of "grown-up" enrages me. I don't want to grow up, let all things good remain the same.
Not many of my friends have tied the knot; and of the couple of friends who have, I have only attended two of their weddings and have gone more out of responsability than out of actual desire. Each time was an experience in itself:
1. I had just gotten out of the hospital the day before. I fainted 10 minutes into the reception.
2. Our flight had been delayed something like 18 hours. I was exhausted. At the party I was so drunk I might have/ could have done stuff that would make interesting story telling...all I remember though was a lot of vodka-sodas and one of my "chicken cutlets" flying out of my dress.
Everytime big news of the rite of passage variety come my way, I go through an existential crisis. I can't help myself. It's as if other people's life experiences are being put out on display as the ruler against which my own life experiences are measured. And if perhaps my life experiences have been different, at times like these I feel like I lag behind.
Kristhina is my oldest friend. I remember us in her room playing at the age of 11. I remember the summer when we were 13-14 that we started collecing key chains. The one who collected the most keychains by the end of the summer would get a banana split. By September, I had 487- two more than she did. I gave her one so we could be tied and we shared the banana split.
I am happy for her. Happier than I ever thought I could be. Yesterday, as she was telling me about her engagement experience I was sitting there crying tears of happiness for both her and George because if there was ever a perfect couple, that would be them. Because if it could have happened that I could have lost a friend to that relationship (as it has happened), I gained one instead.
But then I felt just a little bit sad because there was always that joke that my baby would be her flower girl (notice how nobody expects me to get married); but unless I have a baby tomorrow and it's born walking, it's probably not going to happen.
I've fallen behind and I'm feeling things I have never felt before. Maybe because she is like the closest thing I've had to a sister. It is so hard to say. But I can't be selfish; not about this.
And in the weird turn of events as she was being proposed to, I was writing to her to tell her that I would be in NY next week. As luck would have it, my trip came just in time to make it to her engagement party.
I've decided that even if I have to leave that party to go get a prescription for Prozac, I am going to go and I'm going to enjoy it damn it! :)
Thursday, September 21, 2006
wake up in the city that never sleeps...
So I'm going back to NY again next week. I'm glad.
I miss my friends...I miss my old life (not that I want it back, I just want a taste of it again)...I miss stores with nice clothes that actually fit me...I miss 3 berry yogurt muffins from Dean and Deluca...I miss going out without a curfew...I miss the colors and feel of fall...I miss walking on the sidewalks...
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
ORIANA FALLACI: R.I.P. 1929-2006
Someone really should have told me two days ago when it happened...Her books Interview With History and Letter to a Child Never Born, had a huge impact on my life...
One of my heroes, Oriana: One of the most influencial women of the 20th century.
Monday, September 18, 2006
Discrimination in society.
There is this bar/ lounge here in Santo Domingo where the movers and shakers of society go hang out. Like many bars around the world, they have an admission policy and as such they reserve the right to let in whoever they want. This is a small society, so it's easy to tell who is who and is what someone's associations and individual net worth is.
This past weekend some people were turned away from the door for whatever reason and those who were rejected didn't handle it well and decided to start throwing rocks and bottles at the establishment. In the scuffle, a girl-one of those turned away-was accidentally shot and killed by one of the security guards.
A girl died. It was very unfortunate. And immediately began the conspiracy theories. Immediately their admission policies began being questioned by the general public and public opinion (based exclusively on the non goers) stressed the fact that they are racist and elitist.
I've thought about this long and hard and even spoke to my friends about it. Yes, we have all gone and not one of us has ever been turned away from the place so we know who is inside and what goes on there. Frankly, it is an atomosphere for a certain type of person to feel at ease surrounded by people they know and trust. Almost like a private club. Personally, I don't like the place at all.
Those who don't belong are not welcome. Everywhere in the world clubs reserve the right to let in whoever they choose, I dont' see why this place should have to be any different. If a business wants a certain clientele, they have to strive to keep them comfortable so you do what you have to do. Hey, it's not personal.
I am not deffending elitism or seggregation but I think that everyone has their place in society. I don't expect to be allowed into the Harvard Club for example! And I have gone to certain places here and I have been discriminated against (though not flat out rejected) because I carry myself differently. There are these alternative bars where those who consider themselves "too cool for humanity" hang out and in those places people like me are considered oddities and they treat us as such.
Why would a martinidrinker go to a place where they only sell beer and viceversa?
People discriminate against each other both ways. It's not just places, it's PEOPLE! For example, I have a very good friend here who reads this post (I LOVE YOU STILL don't be offended!) who knows that I like to go eat at these 2 specific high profile places. I don't go there because they are those places especifically but because they accomodate to my dietary needs, but that's beside the point. Anyway, this friend went to a place I would NEVER go to (mostly because I don't eat out on the street, but also because as a chick I understand that those places are unsafe) and had an unfortunate experience of a violent nature there. When I gave her my 2 cents, she said "well Ana, not everyone is like you and can eat at Pranzo and Marocha". I was concerned about her safety and she came at me with a classist remark.
I have another friend who has social gatherings where she invites only people she feels will help her create the ambience she is looking for. Sometimes she excludes some of her close friends. You can't get mad at her because she is exercising her right to invite to whoever she chooses, just like you can't mad at a private establishment for exercising its right to turn away someone if they don't feel that this person would blend in properly.
A girl died and it's very unfortunate. It shouldn't have come to that. But by the same token an establishment is obligated to look out for the physical and mental well being of the people already in there and if they got rejected, they should have sucked it up and dealt with it like normal people. Now a girl is dead and people are pointing fingers and placing blame. Let's think of how many more people would be dead if there was an open door policy. Let's think of how even though as people we are the same, the societies that we ourselves have built make us different.
For one second we should just think.
This past weekend some people were turned away from the door for whatever reason and those who were rejected didn't handle it well and decided to start throwing rocks and bottles at the establishment. In the scuffle, a girl-one of those turned away-was accidentally shot and killed by one of the security guards.
A girl died. It was very unfortunate. And immediately began the conspiracy theories. Immediately their admission policies began being questioned by the general public and public opinion (based exclusively on the non goers) stressed the fact that they are racist and elitist.
I've thought about this long and hard and even spoke to my friends about it. Yes, we have all gone and not one of us has ever been turned away from the place so we know who is inside and what goes on there. Frankly, it is an atomosphere for a certain type of person to feel at ease surrounded by people they know and trust. Almost like a private club. Personally, I don't like the place at all.
Those who don't belong are not welcome. Everywhere in the world clubs reserve the right to let in whoever they choose, I dont' see why this place should have to be any different. If a business wants a certain clientele, they have to strive to keep them comfortable so you do what you have to do. Hey, it's not personal.
I am not deffending elitism or seggregation but I think that everyone has their place in society. I don't expect to be allowed into the Harvard Club for example! And I have gone to certain places here and I have been discriminated against (though not flat out rejected) because I carry myself differently. There are these alternative bars where those who consider themselves "too cool for humanity" hang out and in those places people like me are considered oddities and they treat us as such.
Why would a martinidrinker go to a place where they only sell beer and viceversa?
People discriminate against each other both ways. It's not just places, it's PEOPLE! For example, I have a very good friend here who reads this post (I LOVE YOU STILL don't be offended!) who knows that I like to go eat at these 2 specific high profile places. I don't go there because they are those places especifically but because they accomodate to my dietary needs, but that's beside the point. Anyway, this friend went to a place I would NEVER go to (mostly because I don't eat out on the street, but also because as a chick I understand that those places are unsafe) and had an unfortunate experience of a violent nature there. When I gave her my 2 cents, she said "well Ana, not everyone is like you and can eat at Pranzo and Marocha". I was concerned about her safety and she came at me with a classist remark.
I have another friend who has social gatherings where she invites only people she feels will help her create the ambience she is looking for. Sometimes she excludes some of her close friends. You can't get mad at her because she is exercising her right to invite to whoever she chooses, just like you can't mad at a private establishment for exercising its right to turn away someone if they don't feel that this person would blend in properly.
A girl died and it's very unfortunate. It shouldn't have come to that. But by the same token an establishment is obligated to look out for the physical and mental well being of the people already in there and if they got rejected, they should have sucked it up and dealt with it like normal people. Now a girl is dead and people are pointing fingers and placing blame. Let's think of how many more people would be dead if there was an open door policy. Let's think of how even though as people we are the same, the societies that we ourselves have built make us different.
For one second we should just think.
i love certain secrets...
...and i have to confess that i do the same...i check other people's weather just in case...
Saturday, September 16, 2006
La corrupción electrónica.
A lo largo de mi trayectoria como blogger, creo que he escrito en español unas dos veces (si no me equivoco). Hoy viene la tercera...
Estoy incómoda. Es mas, mas que incómoda estoy ofendida.
Ayer el DJ James Zabiela tocó en Santo Domingo.
Hay quien dice que yo vivo para el rave. Eso no es verdad. Lo que si es verdad es que me gusta divertirme, y que cuando veo la oportunidad de divertirme lo hago. Desde que llegue aqui he tenido la suerte de ver a mis DJs fvoritos en acción sin tener que salir a buscarlos. Eso me ha caído bien. (Lo que sea para proteger la salud mental!)
He tenido la suerte de darme unos super bonches con todos los poderes en lugares que muchos DJs se mueren por tocar (Danny Tenaglia @ Caribbean Sun, Richie Hawtin @ the cave...) y otros mas modestos pero que me hicieron sentir igual de bien. Léase, el ambiente era bueno, había espacio para bailar y las normas fundamentales de un "bonche o rave" eran observadas.
Porque como todo en la vida, la cultura "rave" tiene su etiquette.
Desde que la ley Cenicienta entró en efecto, los bonches han cambiado. El simple hecho de acostumbrarse a dejar los sitios antes de salir el sol (o que siquiera termine de subir la luna) ha sido bastante dificil. Pero nada, como dicen por ahí, "a falta de pan, casabe". Y los organizadores han tratado de darnos nuestro "casabe". Ahora los bonches comienzan mas temprano y son en lugares geograficamente mas accesibles.
Pero están chipiando.
Anoche James Zabiela tocó en Loft. De todos los lugares en la ciudad de Santo Domingo, y es mas, en la República DOminicana porque se hacen bonches buenos en las provincias, lo hicieron en Loft.
Loft: capacidad 600 +/-.
Cómo pone un organizador un DJ de ese calibre en un lugar como Loft? O sea, aparte de mi prejuicio principal que es el del jevitaje, pero que valga la redundancia he tenido que tragarme porque "a falta de pan, casabe", el lugar es pequeño e incómodo. Anoche yo llegué a eso de las 11 y cuando yo llegué ahí no cabía ni un alma. No exagero. Había tanta gente, que ni busqué a mis amigos y me quedé con los amigos que estaban cerca de la puerta porque simple y llanamente no había como pasar! Hacía un calor inaguantable, al cual había que añadirle la concentración de humo tan grande que había en el sitio. Yo fumo y luego de un rato no podía ni con los ojos ni con los pulmones. Aparentemente la gente de Loft pensaba que en ese caso lo mejor era darle con to' al nitro. O SEA?!?! el olor de eso es intoxicante y con el poco espacio que había para moverse, imaginen la tragedia de tratar de dar 1 paso con esa nube de humo! Refrescante? si. Practica? no.
En un momento me dió un mareo por lo que Natalia y yo decidimos irnos al baño. Nos tomó 10 minutos cruzar 6 metros a base de codasos y todo lo otro. Duramos media hora en el baño simplemente tratando de respirar y refrescarnos al igual que un buen grupito de mujeres que ya estaban ahí. Al salir, 10 minutos mas para volver hacia la puerta. 6 metros.
Luego de salir del baño yo solo duré allá como 20 minutos mas. No pude mas.
Al salir no pude evitar pensar en todo lo que estaba mal con esa foto:
1. La promo del evento decía claramente que el costo eran $300 hombres y mujeres gratis. Imaginense mi sorpresa al enterarme de que eran mujeres $300 y hombres $500.
2. En el local se estaban celebrando 2 fiestas de cumpleaños privadas.
3. El local estaba saturado de personas. Estoy segura de que se pasaron de la capacidad máxima de personas por unas 200 personas y cuidado. No había mobilidad en lo absoluto.
4. Que pasaría en caso de un incendio o temblor de tierra?
5. La cantidad de niños era impresionante. Por niños quiero decir menores de 18 años, y eso no me lo discute nadie porque yo ví al menos 7 que conozco. Yo pensaba que eso era en contra de la ley...
6. Por qué estaban los party-people de verdad afuera?
A mi que me excusen la gente de PAV, LifeLab, TCA, SonicArch, etc. PERO es su DEBER como promotores y organizadores de eventos saber qué atrae a quién y donde ponerlo. En buen inglés eso de ayer (entre otras cosas) era un safety hazard y un abuso! Que no me digan a mi que no había otro lugar donde hacerlo porque eso no es verdad. La forma en que se hizo ese bonche ayer fue mas que nada irresponsable.
La gente de 809k, como portal de la música electrónica en Santo Domingo, tiene el deber de denunciar estas cosas en su página para que no ocurran. Deben proteger a sus lectores. Hasta donde es el querer ganarse 3 pesos mas importante que el bienestar de aquellos que están gastando sus chelitos en este tipo de evento y que realmente disfrutan esta música?
Seb Fontaine viene el 6 de Octubre también para Loft. Yo me pregunto, será locos que se están poniendo? Cómo coje uno para allá después de haber visto lo que vi ayer con un hombre que tiene menos público que Fontaine?
Estoy decepcionada y estoy segura que al igual que muchos estaría dispuesta a pagar hasta mas para que los bonches volvieran a tener integridad...
Estoy incómoda. Es mas, mas que incómoda estoy ofendida.
Ayer el DJ James Zabiela tocó en Santo Domingo.
Hay quien dice que yo vivo para el rave. Eso no es verdad. Lo que si es verdad es que me gusta divertirme, y que cuando veo la oportunidad de divertirme lo hago. Desde que llegue aqui he tenido la suerte de ver a mis DJs fvoritos en acción sin tener que salir a buscarlos. Eso me ha caído bien. (Lo que sea para proteger la salud mental!)
He tenido la suerte de darme unos super bonches con todos los poderes en lugares que muchos DJs se mueren por tocar (Danny Tenaglia @ Caribbean Sun, Richie Hawtin @ the cave...) y otros mas modestos pero que me hicieron sentir igual de bien. Léase, el ambiente era bueno, había espacio para bailar y las normas fundamentales de un "bonche o rave" eran observadas.
Porque como todo en la vida, la cultura "rave" tiene su etiquette.
Desde que la ley Cenicienta entró en efecto, los bonches han cambiado. El simple hecho de acostumbrarse a dejar los sitios antes de salir el sol (o que siquiera termine de subir la luna) ha sido bastante dificil. Pero nada, como dicen por ahí, "a falta de pan, casabe". Y los organizadores han tratado de darnos nuestro "casabe". Ahora los bonches comienzan mas temprano y son en lugares geograficamente mas accesibles.
Pero están chipiando.
Anoche James Zabiela tocó en Loft. De todos los lugares en la ciudad de Santo Domingo, y es mas, en la República DOminicana porque se hacen bonches buenos en las provincias, lo hicieron en Loft.
Loft: capacidad 600 +/-.
Cómo pone un organizador un DJ de ese calibre en un lugar como Loft? O sea, aparte de mi prejuicio principal que es el del jevitaje, pero que valga la redundancia he tenido que tragarme porque "a falta de pan, casabe", el lugar es pequeño e incómodo. Anoche yo llegué a eso de las 11 y cuando yo llegué ahí no cabía ni un alma. No exagero. Había tanta gente, que ni busqué a mis amigos y me quedé con los amigos que estaban cerca de la puerta porque simple y llanamente no había como pasar! Hacía un calor inaguantable, al cual había que añadirle la concentración de humo tan grande que había en el sitio. Yo fumo y luego de un rato no podía ni con los ojos ni con los pulmones. Aparentemente la gente de Loft pensaba que en ese caso lo mejor era darle con to' al nitro. O SEA?!?! el olor de eso es intoxicante y con el poco espacio que había para moverse, imaginen la tragedia de tratar de dar 1 paso con esa nube de humo! Refrescante? si. Practica? no.
En un momento me dió un mareo por lo que Natalia y yo decidimos irnos al baño. Nos tomó 10 minutos cruzar 6 metros a base de codasos y todo lo otro. Duramos media hora en el baño simplemente tratando de respirar y refrescarnos al igual que un buen grupito de mujeres que ya estaban ahí. Al salir, 10 minutos mas para volver hacia la puerta. 6 metros.
Luego de salir del baño yo solo duré allá como 20 minutos mas. No pude mas.
Al salir no pude evitar pensar en todo lo que estaba mal con esa foto:
1. La promo del evento decía claramente que el costo eran $300 hombres y mujeres gratis. Imaginense mi sorpresa al enterarme de que eran mujeres $300 y hombres $500.
2. En el local se estaban celebrando 2 fiestas de cumpleaños privadas.
3. El local estaba saturado de personas. Estoy segura de que se pasaron de la capacidad máxima de personas por unas 200 personas y cuidado. No había mobilidad en lo absoluto.
4. Que pasaría en caso de un incendio o temblor de tierra?
5. La cantidad de niños era impresionante. Por niños quiero decir menores de 18 años, y eso no me lo discute nadie porque yo ví al menos 7 que conozco. Yo pensaba que eso era en contra de la ley...
6. Por qué estaban los party-people de verdad afuera?
A mi que me excusen la gente de PAV, LifeLab, TCA, SonicArch, etc. PERO es su DEBER como promotores y organizadores de eventos saber qué atrae a quién y donde ponerlo. En buen inglés eso de ayer (entre otras cosas) era un safety hazard y un abuso! Que no me digan a mi que no había otro lugar donde hacerlo porque eso no es verdad. La forma en que se hizo ese bonche ayer fue mas que nada irresponsable.
La gente de 809k, como portal de la música electrónica en Santo Domingo, tiene el deber de denunciar estas cosas en su página para que no ocurran. Deben proteger a sus lectores. Hasta donde es el querer ganarse 3 pesos mas importante que el bienestar de aquellos que están gastando sus chelitos en este tipo de evento y que realmente disfrutan esta música?
Seb Fontaine viene el 6 de Octubre también para Loft. Yo me pregunto, será locos que se están poniendo? Cómo coje uno para allá después de haber visto lo que vi ayer con un hombre que tiene menos público que Fontaine?
Estoy decepcionada y estoy segura que al igual que muchos estaría dispuesta a pagar hasta mas para que los bonches volvieran a tener integridad...
Friday, September 15, 2006
Busy bee...
I hate mosquitos.
The weather these days has done nothing to help the mosquito situation here. Needless to say I am very upset. I keep having these crazy thoughts about getting malaria or dengue fever and dying. I don't worry so much about the dengue fever because I already had it and though it almost killed me, it didn't; still, thinking about these things gives me something to do in my free time.
I've taken to carrying repelent in my purse. Sometimes I wonder why I shower as much as I do, it's not like I'm not going to get myself all sticky and poisonous tasting within 5 minutes of stepping out of the shower! It upsets me. It really does. And it worries me because I'm sure that excessive exposure to repellent can't be good for you. All that stuff going into your body through your pores has got to be toxic sooner or later.
Survival of the fittest they say...or at least survival of the wealthier because authorities should be doing more to help control all these fucking mosquitos and they aren't. Here I am bitching and whining about mosquitos but my home gets fumigated twice a week and I have a massive stash of repellent spray, candles, lights etc. what about the people who can't afford this? Everytime I take a look at my arms and legs and see 500 bites, I imagine someone elsewhere with 5,000 bites (and malaria or dengue) and it pisses me off. I know that you can't get rid of mosquitos altogether but if only health authority didn't take such a laissez faire attitude about it, that would be great.
And they are going to kick me out of the mall. I've taken to go do my work at the mall everyday. They are going to hate me. I never buy anything, I just work (and chat).
Onto to other news, Dan is coming back :D:D:D
I am so happy, I could die!
...and today I'm going to make the first of a bunch of sundresses I've designed. I figured that if I can't get local fashion to accomodate to me, I should just make my own!
Good plan, huh?
I am off to the gym...I'm back at the gym. I can't work out like I used to but it's better than nothing. My endorphines are up :)
The weather these days has done nothing to help the mosquito situation here. Needless to say I am very upset. I keep having these crazy thoughts about getting malaria or dengue fever and dying. I don't worry so much about the dengue fever because I already had it and though it almost killed me, it didn't; still, thinking about these things gives me something to do in my free time.
I've taken to carrying repelent in my purse. Sometimes I wonder why I shower as much as I do, it's not like I'm not going to get myself all sticky and poisonous tasting within 5 minutes of stepping out of the shower! It upsets me. It really does. And it worries me because I'm sure that excessive exposure to repellent can't be good for you. All that stuff going into your body through your pores has got to be toxic sooner or later.
Survival of the fittest they say...or at least survival of the wealthier because authorities should be doing more to help control all these fucking mosquitos and they aren't. Here I am bitching and whining about mosquitos but my home gets fumigated twice a week and I have a massive stash of repellent spray, candles, lights etc. what about the people who can't afford this? Everytime I take a look at my arms and legs and see 500 bites, I imagine someone elsewhere with 5,000 bites (and malaria or dengue) and it pisses me off. I know that you can't get rid of mosquitos altogether but if only health authority didn't take such a laissez faire attitude about it, that would be great.
And they are going to kick me out of the mall. I've taken to go do my work at the mall everyday. They are going to hate me. I never buy anything, I just work (and chat).
Onto to other news, Dan is coming back :D:D:D
I am so happy, I could die!
...and today I'm going to make the first of a bunch of sundresses I've designed. I figured that if I can't get local fashion to accomodate to me, I should just make my own!
Good plan, huh?
I am off to the gym...I'm back at the gym. I can't work out like I used to but it's better than nothing. My endorphines are up :)
The start of a good weekend :)
...but seriously though, more than the start of a good weekend this dude is the beginning of a good month...Zabiela, Erick Morillo, playita conmigo, Seb Fontaine and then Magda. Uff!
Y no vivo del rave PERO nothing like a little house music to lift up your spirits :D:D
(and I know that Magda doesn't play house music but as a musically inclined woman, it is my duty to support the good DJ chicks...even if they play minimal :P )
Thursday, September 14, 2006
The importance of being Annush
I hate my first name. My middle name is not SO bad but I hate it too.
Ana Cristina.
Yuck.
When my mom got pregnant with me, she was reading Anna Karenina (she was obsessed with Russian literature). I don't know what it was about it that she liked so much, if it was the thousand+ pages of the book, or maybe the opening sentence which she has said to me repeatedly over the years ("Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."), or perhaps that she jumped in front of a moving train in a jealous rage towards the end of the book. The fact of the matter is that I share a moniker with Tolstoy's heroin (and the 12 other Anas in my family, but that's another story) .
My middle name is Cristina after my paternal great-grandmother. I never met her. I have never even seen a picture. All I know is that she had a bunch of kids and died.
In my culture my name is probably one of the most generic names there are. I think that after Maria and Isabel (and of course Maria Isabel), Ana is quite possibly the third most generic name EVER! Hence the reason why I hate it. I always wanted a fun name with a bunch more letters (but NEVER neither Maria, Isabel, or Amelia). The problem was (and still is) that I'm neither about to change my name nor am I a fan of nicknames. I hate nicknames.
When I was a little girl everyone used to call me Chris. Apparently back then everyone was in agreement that Ana Cristina was a crappy name so they called me something else. That was great until about Fourth grade and a class with five Christophers. Chris became far too common. It was then that I came to the conclusion that ugly and generic though it may be, my name was/is Ana. So I made the world start calling me Ana.
Ana was good. Ana, in a culture where there is no substitute (other than Ana banana), is great. Then I got here for the first time. People here are obsessed with nicknames. I remember the first time someone called me "Anita". I was 18. That was Bea. It made my ears bleed. I yelled at them for calling me that but it was useless. To a handful of people I'll always be "Anita", though at least they know better than to call me that in public.
When I left for Germany 18 months later, staying nickname-free was a little harder. Actually, it was impossible. Olga, she who christened me with the infamous "Annush", started screaming Annush in the middle of an event the first couple of days of school. To this day there are people who seriously think that my name really is Annush. But weirdly enough, I am okay with that.
During a time when I was still figuring out who I was and where I belonged in the world, someone called me Annush. It was not Anita, not quite Annushka, and definitely not Ana (or Ana banana). But it was very close. It was fun and it had more letters. It was a "globalized" name that has no link to that woman who jumped in front of the moving train, other than the fact that the person who concocted it is in fact Russian, and it doesn't sound like the name of a lost little girl with pigtails.
Annush is a way of being, the way I feel inside...Annush is the experience of being Ana Cristina.
Ana Cristina.
Yuck.
When my mom got pregnant with me, she was reading Anna Karenina (she was obsessed with Russian literature). I don't know what it was about it that she liked so much, if it was the thousand+ pages of the book, or maybe the opening sentence which she has said to me repeatedly over the years ("Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."), or perhaps that she jumped in front of a moving train in a jealous rage towards the end of the book. The fact of the matter is that I share a moniker with Tolstoy's heroin (and the 12 other Anas in my family, but that's another story) .
My middle name is Cristina after my paternal great-grandmother. I never met her. I have never even seen a picture. All I know is that she had a bunch of kids and died.
In my culture my name is probably one of the most generic names there are. I think that after Maria and Isabel (and of course Maria Isabel), Ana is quite possibly the third most generic name EVER! Hence the reason why I hate it. I always wanted a fun name with a bunch more letters (but NEVER neither Maria, Isabel, or Amelia). The problem was (and still is) that I'm neither about to change my name nor am I a fan of nicknames. I hate nicknames.
When I was a little girl everyone used to call me Chris. Apparently back then everyone was in agreement that Ana Cristina was a crappy name so they called me something else. That was great until about Fourth grade and a class with five Christophers. Chris became far too common. It was then that I came to the conclusion that ugly and generic though it may be, my name was/is Ana. So I made the world start calling me Ana.
Ana was good. Ana, in a culture where there is no substitute (other than Ana banana), is great. Then I got here for the first time. People here are obsessed with nicknames. I remember the first time someone called me "Anita". I was 18. That was Bea. It made my ears bleed. I yelled at them for calling me that but it was useless. To a handful of people I'll always be "Anita", though at least they know better than to call me that in public.
When I left for Germany 18 months later, staying nickname-free was a little harder. Actually, it was impossible. Olga, she who christened me with the infamous "Annush", started screaming Annush in the middle of an event the first couple of days of school. To this day there are people who seriously think that my name really is Annush. But weirdly enough, I am okay with that.
During a time when I was still figuring out who I was and where I belonged in the world, someone called me Annush. It was not Anita, not quite Annushka, and definitely not Ana (or Ana banana). But it was very close. It was fun and it had more letters. It was a "globalized" name that has no link to that woman who jumped in front of the moving train, other than the fact that the person who concocted it is in fact Russian, and it doesn't sound like the name of a lost little girl with pigtails.
Annush is a way of being, the way I feel inside...Annush is the experience of being Ana Cristina.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
dating rant...
Since I've been here, I haven't really dated. Theoretically, it seems unnecessary because technically I have HWMNBN who always turns up 20 seconds before I get desperate but I just don't really like to date anymore. Particularly not here.
But then on days like today I wake up in the morning and I feel like I want someone so I think to myself "damn annush, why don't you try to find someone who is a little more permanent? try to find yourself a nice relationship to be in like everybody else? "
and then I wanna kick myself in the head.
I am not everybody else.
It must be said that I probably have the highest standards of anyone I know and I am neither desperate nor afraid of being alone, which has always been my ace. I think of my girlfriends here who are or have been in relationships and most of them have boyfriends who are nowhere near good enough for them. But they've had to settle in order to not be alone. Sad, I know.
I think of the men I've dated in my life, and on the most part they've been jewels. Aside from that one guy who dared to wear a Speedo at the beach (but his excuse is that he is European), they've been men who are on the most part stylish, attractive, tall, good mannered, well traveled, well educated, well read, goal oriented, independent, financially stable, loyal, carry relatively good genes...
Most of the men here, on the other hand, are not like that.
I am convinced that men here cheat just to prove to themselves that they can. On the most part, I don't find the Dominican male attractive at all. I don't really dig dark (or beige) and handsome and to add to that, a good portion of them are short and if someone is going to be short in my relationship, that's gonna' be me.
One can argue that men here are somewhat well educated but that's only a small portion of the male population. I mean, going to the best schools doesn't equate to getting an education. Some families have made massive investments in the education of their sons, and even so they are still dumbasses. I can't possibly spend time with someone who reads the paper for the comic strips, whose literary insight comes from movies and who seriously believes that Forrest Gump was really a part of every single event in modern American history!
And then onto the most practical things, I can't date a man who lives at home. It's weird and unnatural that by the tender age of 27 a man still hasn't left home. Maybe I've been spoiled by the ways of the developed world but I don't care. The last thing I need in my life is a mama's boy.
Oh and then there is this most particular thing: people's eating habits are important to me. I don't care if you wanna eat frog legs with broccoli, AS LONG AS they are cooked in a sanitary and healthy fashion. I will not under any circumstance date someone who will eat crap food from the street cooked in an unidentifiable manner with questionable ingredients. I am of the belief that if you won't take care of your body, your most important asset, you are probably careless in the important aspects of life.
I am not impressed by financial abundance and flashiness. Arrogance is not a good trait to have. People who are not curious about things and who lead monotonous lives are boring...
I think I need to move again. Quick!
But then on days like today I wake up in the morning and I feel like I want someone so I think to myself "damn annush, why don't you try to find someone who is a little more permanent? try to find yourself a nice relationship to be in like everybody else? "
and then I wanna kick myself in the head.
I am not everybody else.
It must be said that I probably have the highest standards of anyone I know and I am neither desperate nor afraid of being alone, which has always been my ace. I think of my girlfriends here who are or have been in relationships and most of them have boyfriends who are nowhere near good enough for them. But they've had to settle in order to not be alone. Sad, I know.
I think of the men I've dated in my life, and on the most part they've been jewels. Aside from that one guy who dared to wear a Speedo at the beach (but his excuse is that he is European), they've been men who are on the most part stylish, attractive, tall, good mannered, well traveled, well educated, well read, goal oriented, independent, financially stable, loyal, carry relatively good genes...
Most of the men here, on the other hand, are not like that.
I am convinced that men here cheat just to prove to themselves that they can. On the most part, I don't find the Dominican male attractive at all. I don't really dig dark (or beige) and handsome and to add to that, a good portion of them are short and if someone is going to be short in my relationship, that's gonna' be me.
One can argue that men here are somewhat well educated but that's only a small portion of the male population. I mean, going to the best schools doesn't equate to getting an education. Some families have made massive investments in the education of their sons, and even so they are still dumbasses. I can't possibly spend time with someone who reads the paper for the comic strips, whose literary insight comes from movies and who seriously believes that Forrest Gump was really a part of every single event in modern American history!
And then onto the most practical things, I can't date a man who lives at home. It's weird and unnatural that by the tender age of 27 a man still hasn't left home. Maybe I've been spoiled by the ways of the developed world but I don't care. The last thing I need in my life is a mama's boy.
Oh and then there is this most particular thing: people's eating habits are important to me. I don't care if you wanna eat frog legs with broccoli, AS LONG AS they are cooked in a sanitary and healthy fashion. I will not under any circumstance date someone who will eat crap food from the street cooked in an unidentifiable manner with questionable ingredients. I am of the belief that if you won't take care of your body, your most important asset, you are probably careless in the important aspects of life.
I am not impressed by financial abundance and flashiness. Arrogance is not a good trait to have. People who are not curious about things and who lead monotonous lives are boring...
I think I need to move again. Quick!
Monday, September 11, 2006
9-11: 5 years later
When I was a little girl, I thought the twin towers were really cool. I liked the fact that they were so tall though I never understood why they called them twin towers if they weren't in fact the same height.
Growing up, I quit being amused by them. I thought they were two buildings that housed a whole lot of workaholics wearing suits. In my teens I remember going in there with my step father once to see our lawyer. The only thing I found particularly cool about the building this time around was the elevators. They were fast.
Five years ago when the planes hit the towers I had just woken up. I had flown from Miami back to Hamburg the day before and had arrived in Germany Sept. 11 8:00am German time. I took a shower, ate, and took a 2 hour nap. Like 20 minutes after I woke up Gus was on the phone telling us to turn on the TV that a plane had crashed into one of the towers.
That was a rough day in general for a number of reasons...we knew people who were in the towers, a few who worked in buildings that were in the general area, someone in the Pentagon, and then people who should have been in those places but were miraculously late.
A lot of innocent people died that day.
A lot of death brough forth that day. Many more innocent people have died since. People have cried for revenge, but it's a vicious circle and you can't bomb your way to apologies or guilt, and even if you could, more death isn't going to bring the dead back....not the Americans, not the Afghani, not the Iraqui, not the Palestinians, not the Lebanese.
I wonder if I am a terrible person for believing that this tragic incident was karmatic; that it was an accident waiting to happen; that it had to happen...that it was a lesson.
It saddens me that since that day terror and fear are an intrical part of children's vocabulary and are part of a way of life. It worries me that life as we know it, will never be the same as it was before that. It scares me knowing that we are never really safe no matter where we go.
...and it's probably not over.
Violence begets more violence.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Wake me up tomorrow
I've always believed that whatever we do in life should if nothing else be done with enthusiasm. Enthusiasm is like this great positive force that makes you want to do things well, even if you hate what you are doing. It was enthusiasm that got me through a year of Chemistry and Physics courses and got me A's and B's in both, it was enthusiasm that made me push myself during my group trainer certification course at a time when I was two seconds away from getting seriously injured, and it is also enthusiasm that has allowed me to live with all the physical limitations I currently have set on me.
I like to think that if I can't live happily, I can pretend that I do.
"In order to be successful, one must project an image of success at all times" - American Beauty
I don't think that you should dilute yourself into thinking that you are happy even when you are not, but I've come to believe that you can prepare yourself for the life you want. That you can build for it by adding all the elements you need to put you in that specific space and time where you want to be and that the missing pieces will come to you. Sometimes just thinking of what exactely you need to have the things you want will place you in a strategic position to get what you want...
I like to think that if I can't live happily, I can pretend that I do.
"In order to be successful, one must project an image of success at all times" - American Beauty
I don't think that you should dilute yourself into thinking that you are happy even when you are not, but I've come to believe that you can prepare yourself for the life you want. That you can build for it by adding all the elements you need to put you in that specific space and time where you want to be and that the missing pieces will come to you. Sometimes just thinking of what exactely you need to have the things you want will place you in a strategic position to get what you want..."Signora, between Austria and Italy, there is a section of the Alps called the Semmering.
It is an impossibly steep, very high part of the mountains.
They built a train track over these Alps to connect Vienna and Venice.
They built these tracks even before there was a train in existence that could make the trip.
They built it because they knew some day, the train would come. "
-Under The Tuscan Sun
Sleep...
How can it feel so nice?Why does it feel so right?
I think i've been somewhere special
I want to go back there
Sleep
I think i will
Go back to sleep
Oh it's so cold and shivery outside my cocoon
Now i'm on my way
Sleep
Oh sleep
Sleep
Friday, September 08, 2006
Thursday, September 07, 2006
This happened because...
There is a saying in the Spanish language that says "desde que se inventaron las excusas nadie queda mal". Loosely translated it means that since excuses were invented, no one looks bad.I believe that.
Having worked in public relations, I have excuses and justifications down to an art form and it's quite possible that I have used both in most of the important areas of my life. But that's okay. It's a rough world, and we have to watch out for us. Sometimes we have to be our own publicists and we should always do what we must to make ourselves look good (justification).
The problem with excuses is when we start making them for someone else and it's not part of our job, and we make them to justify THEIR actions to OURSELVES.
Ex. *situation* You are in an abusive relationship. Let's say verbal abuse for the sake of argument. He yells and screams and calls you names.
You say: He had a hard day at work. He didn't really mean it.
I've done it (not in that kind of situation). We've all done it. What I ask myself is, how does it get to that? Why? I can't explain what drives certain emotions but I wonder what is it that it takes for one to become so certain of someone that you would be willing to make up excuses for them to yourself. That you would lie to yourself pretty much to the point that you are just blinded and have built in your mind a reality that's not real.
That's so sad.
First step: Admit that there is a problem.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Princesses and happy endings.
So the birthday celebrations are over and done finally. I must say, I am still liking being 27. Now I just need a plan, a project. Preferably one that involves relocation and a happily ever after.
I don't know why, but I feel like my happy ending is coming. I was watching Shrek II again yesterday and it was so weird how during that scene when Shrek, donkey, and Puss in boots sneak into the Fairy God Mother's factory and she is yelling at him and telling him that ogres don't get happily ever afters but Princess' do I was like "wait! I am a princess!!"
All girls are princesses and they deserve a happy ending.
I've worked long enough for mine...mine should be coming :)
I don't know why, but I feel like my happy ending is coming. I was watching Shrek II again yesterday and it was so weird how during that scene when Shrek, donkey, and Puss in boots sneak into the Fairy God Mother's factory and she is yelling at him and telling him that ogres don't get happily ever afters but Princess' do I was like "wait! I am a princess!!"
All girls are princesses and they deserve a happy ending.
I've worked long enough for mine...mine should be coming :)
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
I'm toxic...
yet, my bday was perfect in almost EVERY way...
thank you to all the people who showed up including but not limited to hmmm....ivan, roque II, roque III, anibal, eny, lilly, ian, jorge, yuri, yvette, monty, natalia, gamal, annina, nicole, maria c., adrian, miguel, keiser, claudia, jonathan, fico, ana, saritah, lean, laura, joy, karina, marco, sebastian, my parents, etc...
i had an AWESOME time...so i had to post this while I am drunk :P
yes, i drank.
and HWMNBN called.
I am so happy I could die.
I like being 27.
Thanks for the gifts, thanks for the party favors.
Monday, September 04, 2006
Today...
♥ It's my birthday
♥ It's Vic's birthday (he wants the day to himself but he's out of luck)
♥ Yuri goes back to school
♥ Gus went back home
That's it.
My birthday started out pretty good...both of my brothers, my mom and I were chilling in the living room when the clock struck midnight. It was good. They hugged me, my mom sang to me. It's a good thing that she is not a singer...
Then I slept like a baby and for the first time in months I slept more than 5 hours. I had forgotten what that was like! And it was cool to wake up and find little messages from some of my favorite people (and then some people I don't really like. )
The day has just started...let's see what it has in store for me...
♥ It's Vic's birthday (he wants the day to himself but he's out of luck)
♥ Yuri goes back to school
♥ Gus went back home
That's it.
My birthday started out pretty good...both of my brothers, my mom and I were chilling in the living room when the clock struck midnight. It was good. They hugged me, my mom sang to me. It's a good thing that she is not a singer...
Then I slept like a baby and for the first time in months I slept more than 5 hours. I had forgotten what that was like! And it was cool to wake up and find little messages from some of my favorite people (and then some people I don't really like. )
The day has just started...let's see what it has in store for me...
Sunday, September 03, 2006
How I know I've had fun...
When I got to the party I looked like this...
<-------
When I was ready to leave, I looked like this...
------->
Saturday, September 02, 2006
In celebration of my birthday...
If you are around, come dance with us! ...and thanks to the fine people of LifeLab Ent. for hooking us up with our tickets :)
Friday, September 01, 2006
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