perception...

I think that by now everyone knows that I hate Beyonce (even if we share a birthday). My problem with her isn't about her talent (she is blessed with a great voice). My problem with her is that for someone who looks like such a doormat, she represents everything that I find to be wrong with the African-American woman today.

Let me start by saying that I've never had an African-American female friend. That doesn't mean that I've never had black friends because those I've had plenty of but all of my black friends have come straight up from Africa. Ironically, my African friends didn't like the African-Americans around the place because of their attitude, which frankly isn't really my problem so I'm just going to get into the issue I came to discuss.

My friend Fadzai is from Zimbabwe. Born into a priviledged family, she was schooled in Switzerland, did her undergraduate work in Germany and is now pursuing her international law credentials in Australia. Fadzai used to say that the fundamental difference between African-American females and African females was that "they [african-americans] showed no respect to their men and castrated them from childhood so that by adulthood all they had left were 'statistics' (it was at around this time that the Justice Policy Institute said that a black man was more likely to be in jail than in college), whereas African females nurtured their males because they wanted leaders at the home and in the village that they could be proud of".

That makes all the sense in the world to me.

You see the portrayal of african americans in film, on TV, in music, etc. and you see that the dominant figure to the point of castration is the female. Sure, I think it's cool to have strong women as role models (regardless of whether they are black, white, yellow or purple with pink polka dots) and that women should be able to put their foot down in terms of what's important but how strong is too strong? I don't think it's cool to be in a relationship with someone to diminish them or treat them as a sex objects in the same way that I don't think it's cool to write a song like "Ring the Alarm" which is like the material anthem of the psychotic woman. You hear all these songs and watch all these movies that even if they have a twinge of love in them a good porcent of the time they are awful! They make their women sound like they are gold-digging (or money-driven) sluts who are ocassionally loved, the men are cheaters and if a woman is singing she is too good for the guy but if a guy is singing a good porcent of the time she is the "baby momma" (because apparently there is some pride in having women left and right spitting out kids).

So this may or may not be the truth behind their racial dynamics but the fact of the matter is that most of the time this is how they themselves portray it and it irks me because if the feminist movement tried to bring equality between the sexes regardless of the race, what's happening now? Women are no better than men. They are equal. Except that women as child bearers have the added advantage that they mold minds so the world is really theirs. Why would you raise a boy to be a cliche so that then he can treat his woman as another cliche?

Show me the money...

I spend a good portion of my time watching people and trying to make sense of their behavior. I like to think that I live in a massive sociological experiment where not only am I an observer but I am also a participant. It's very interesting because through my observations I learn things and I make fun generalizations about my peers. (Obviously I can't make these generalizations about other people because similar people are drawn to each other and one person's floor is another person's ceiling...)

Lately I've become more aware of how the people in my circle, including myself, are somewhat exhibitionist. Because I am an extrovert, I tend to gravitate towards people who are also extroverts. Although it has happened that a introverts have managed to make their way into my circle, over the years it has been a very rare ocurrance. I am glad. It's difficult to trust people who are so inwardly oriented.

Anyway, as I was saying, lately I've found myself partaking in relatively high-risk exhibitionist activities and I'm wondering why as I have gotten older I've started to care less, or get excited by more or have simply become more flamboyant in terms of my personality. There used to be a time that despite my extroversion I used to exercise modesty and lived under a sometimes anachronistic moral code that despite my modernity made sense only to me; now my idea of modesty is to make sure that no pictures/videos of me in compromising positions end up on the internet.

Why?

I don't think that a life more private and a life less flashy is by any means less than a life that requires public complicity and obscene amounts of trust and yet, I am drifting away from it. I am still close with only a few people but open to everyone but still, I feel a rush from knowing that it is quite possible that everyone or someone random will bear witness to a part of myself that would have probably been best if kept private.

I'm not talking about sex, as I'm sure everyone who reads this will automatically assume. Like everything else in life, that's a part of it but not the whole. It's everything...

Me Voy!

Well, I have officially done EVERYTHING I have said I would NEVER do (except for killing people, molesting children and torturing small animals). I thought I would feel worse about the whole thing but ironically, I don't. Frankly, I don't care and it is just that which makes it so troublesome.

This year has been so full of lessons and experiences that when I write my year's end review, I'm going to need to be quite hammered just so I don't feel so bad about myself.

Anyway, I'm moving on Saturday. Well, I'm coming back for the Christmas holiday but unless something major happens like me having a nervous breakdown or getting struck by lightning, I am moving to Miami. Again. (see? something I said I would NEVER do) In general I am very excited because I am going to be doing something completely different than what I've been doing but I'm also nervous. As I've gotten older I've started to get freaked out about little things; in that way, I liked myself better when I was young and careless (stupid).

But just like with everything else, I am hopeful and optimistic and I believe that this is a very powerful combination. It is the kind of combination that can change your life for the better...

A thanksgiving tradition...

Yvette-Bea-Annush
Because no matter what, some things don't change (except maybe for where we are standing)...

Supporting our friends...

Go Go Go!!

HAPPY TURKEY DAY!

Happy Thanksgiving :)

We are all made of stars!

Dan's birthday gathering.
In a nutshell :)

Happy Birthday Dan!!!

**these pictures were taken after lunch today.

Oh and just for the record, I am SO happy that my best friend is here!

"...world peace!"

Now this is what I call channeling energy for a good cause! Uff!!

I'm in.

all these decisions are being made...

I'm moving next week.

It's beginning to look a lot like X-mas...

All the candles I made (yes, I made them...those candle making classes paid off) have a very Holiday-ish feel to them...frankly, I love them...

and my mom, along with her trusty assistants, has begun to put up the Christmas tree...lots of laughs today, and lots of Holiday fun. Not bad for a rainy day :)

Dan also gets here tomorrow...YaY!

Greetings from Miami!

Ivan and me outside our hotel
Miami is wicked cold so no fishing or sailing for me...
I should have checked the weather before I left
I was totally unprepared for this chill.
It's a good thing I like to layer things :)

I've been busy but it's been fun!
I got myself a new life!

I am off!

Today I am leaving to sunny Miami for a weekend of sun, water, yachts and socializing.

Ivan and I are heading over there for the Star Class North American Championship Regatta. I can't speak for him, but I get excited about anything that involves water so needless to say I am beyond stoked. I expect to come back with a nice tan, some very cool pictures and some fun stories.

Until then though, I would just like to remind you that Paul Oakenfold, Sandra Collins, Jonathan Peters and Vello Virkhaus are going to be webcasting the first ever live MySpace event tomorrow so check out the techno goodness!

If you don't feel like staying in on Friday night and you are in the lovely city of Santo Domingo, you can go to either (or both) of these (I'd go to both):







and for Saturday you have:



...and the people of Radical Sound didn't send me a flyer and I wasn't about to start looking for it BUT there is also a party at La Marina del Rio Isabela con Pascal FEOS.

Not a bad way to spend a weekend...I'll see you guys next week :)

Arts and Crafts.

My mom is a nut.

Yesterday I woke up to hear my mom saing "hurry up we gotta go". I didn't know where the heck we were going at such an ungodly hour; but if there is one thing I have learned over the years is that I should always listen to mom because good things happen when I do (most of the time).

As it turned out mom signed us (me, Ilonka and her) up for a bunch of Arts and Craft classes. Yesterday was the first day of our adventure: tray making.

I know, I can't handle so much domesticity.

We made a whole bunch of trays yesterday. Only thing is that I've found that I have a fixation with floral motifs (I'm obsessed with daisies and sunflowers) and my mom is all about fruit. Right now we have 500 new flower and fruit trays. Hmmm... I think that today I'm going ot make a Hello Kitty one just for the sake of variety (and to practice).

Today we have candle making class.

I bought a whole bunch of funky molds and yummy scents for my candles. I love candles. Too bad we have so many of them at my house already because otherwise I'd probably make a whole bunch more. Just because I like them.

Next week we have some metal working class and then hopefully glass blowing. I don't know when we are going to find the time to do all this between work, Thanksgiving, Gus and Dan's visit and my trip to Miami tomorrow but things will work out somehow.

I like arts and crafts.
I wanna' be like Martha Stewart.

megaultrasuperfeliz!

My mom's step grandmother is the greatest dessert cook in the history of the world. She knows how to make EVERYTHING (except for the European concoctions that involve funny pastry shells and more than 8 letter names). She knows every recipe by heart and every recipe is her treasure (ie- she won't share it with ANYONE). Growing up, we never went to visit her very much, but when we did I sat down and pigged out (which might explain why I used to be fat).

As I got older, and nana got even older, I began to worry about who was going to learn the recipes that made my childhood so sweet. I asked her once if she had written down the recipes somewhere or if she planned to teach them to someone so they can be ritually passed down like one of those family secrets you read about in books and she said that she would teach them to someone in our family after she turned 90.

Naturally, I didn't freak out because she was willing to share the recipes only after she reached 90 (the people in our family are practically immortal) but I had a near nervous breakdown because I wasn't sure if I qualified as "someone in our family" seeing how I was a "step great grandchild". Why should I get the recipes as oppossed to my cousins who really are "someone in her family"? even though they haven't been alive long enough to care...

I never shared this with anyone other than my mom. My mom says that she will probably leave the recipes to me because I am the only one who has ever shown interest in keeping up with the dessert making tradition; however, she also says that if she doesn't leave them to me that I can't be upset, hurt or even disappointed. Cooking is a ritual and in some cultures, including my own, certain recipes contain the story of who we are and where we come from. It is unfair to ask someone to give it to you if you don't know what it means.

Someone told me a story today about a friend asking her to give him her recipes so that his girlfriend can make them for him (because he is too good to make them for her). She said that it's not in the recipes but in the hand that cooks them. I say that she shouldn't have to share what she learned from her family and what she shares with her family with a bonehead who appreciates the taste but doesn't appreciate the historical and cultural value of it.

Some people think that everything is so simple...

If it's that important for him to have his gf make him vegetable casserole (or whatever), he should go buy her a cookbook!

baby one more time...

My friendship with Yvette is cool.

Yvette and I met in college something like 8 years ago (?) and have always had a fun friendship based primarily on rituals and traditions (which often revolve around food). It's not like we set out to create rituals or start traditions from the get go, but unknowingly, we have created a relationship that is constant and secure and that makes me happy.

One of the things we have always done is go on our "dates". Back in the day, we started going out to eat. We'd pick fancy places and pig out so that we could then calculate how many hours we would have to spend at the gym to burn off the aforementioned meal. Over the years though, we have gotten better. We still go to fancy places and pig out, but instead of eating EVERYTHING (apetizers, entrees, desserts, coffee) we share 2 appetizers and a dessert.

Anyway, Yvette didn't start driving until about 4 months ago. Until about 4 months ago, I had to go pick up her pedestrian ass every time we went out. She would get in my car and like a good co-pilot, she would be the DJ. More often than not though, she would pick a totally cheesy teeny bopper song and we'd each start singing and dancing (within what was possible inside of a car) choreography and all. Of course, what happened in the car, stayed in the car so nobody knew we did this. But we did. Baby one more time. Genie in a bottle. Ex-girlfriend. It's gonna' be me. They all were a part of our repertoire.

But after I left and we "grew up", along with our food selections, that kinda changed. We started talking on the way to whatever restaurant we had chosen. Maybe that was my fault though for monopolizing my iPod, or maybe she lost her good co-pilot skills, or maybe when in her car I am a crappy co-pilot, the fact of the matter is that we just talked.

Last night we went to Marocha for our date. We ate, we had some sangria, we hung out with other people, sang, danced and I guess that put us in a different frame of mind. There was a nice feeling in the air (nice enough that I didn't even die of a heart attack when G-sus spilled sangria all over my Gucci shoes). I think we were refreshingly happy. After dinner, Yvette drove me home (while G-sus followed us because we had been drinking) and for once I decided to be the good co-pilot I know I can be: I took the iPOd and pressed play.

Let Me Blow Your Mind.

We sang along, we did our little dance. she even let me smoke a cigarrette in her car.

When we got to my house, I kissed her good bye, I walked over to G-sus' car and kissed him good bye too.

Then he said, "did you guys have fun? it looked like you girls were having a party in that car!"

"we did. and we should do that again some time."

strongly...

so much enthusiasm I tell you!

I am such a groupie. Seriously.

Friday night I was a cranky mess because I wanted to go see my boyfriend and the other woman perform but didn't because they were performing at an UNSAFE SUBSTANDARD VENUE (and I am still boycotting). Sometimes though the stars align just right so that good things will happen to me. I tell you, it's like karmatic: I am a weird good person, so weird good things happen to me. Ha!

As you might recall, the day I met my hottie I couldn't talk to him for a variety of reasons (the Principessa pressuring me, his hotness, and then the small detail of the above average girlfriend). It was a very traumatic day for me. Really.

Last night's party was good. It wasn't like last week's party by any means (too many people, still no vodka, not enough house often bordering too much on minimal) but it was still a pretty decent way to spend a Saturday night. Okay, so 30 minutes after we got there we had to leave to get some flip flops and buy some decent drinks to smuggle into the party but once we got back we had fun.

Towards the end of the night, as I danced with my friends I looked across the hangar and it was then that I spotted him: VJ V2.

"That's my boyfriend! That's my boyfriend!" I said.

And somehow I got the balls to walk on over and talk to him. The lovely Miss Collins who is a very interesting character herself, was standing with him by the stage but I didn't care. Actually, it wasn't until after I introduced myself to him that I noticed but once I did I said hi to her too but continued my conversation with my favorite VJ. It was great. We talked for about 15 minutes, which may not sound like a lot but in real Ana time that's like a lifetime! He told me about their gig the night before and how "LOFT SUCKS BECAUSE THE POWER WENT OUT 3 TIMES AND THE SOUND IN THAT PLACE IS HORRIBLE". He told me about the after party that kept him up until an ungodly hour, and he told me about their (Paul, Sandra, him and Jonathan) MySpace broadcast next week.

I am so giddy today that I'm going to leave you with the flyer...do check them all out...he promised me six hours of techno goodness! :)


Oh and a note to Alberto, German, Eny, Socrates and all the other people who often take pictures of me when I am out partying: "Where do you go when I really need a picture taken?!?!?"

This time I am so wearing sneakers!

...and I am smuggling vodka into the party :P

That is the only way I can "be myself and harness the power that comes from it... It is my act of self-expression...It is what helps me speak my thoughts and express my feelings"

hahahahahaha

Links:
The One Movement

oh and FYI...

there are new recipes in my cooking blog. I've taken up cooking...AGAIN! :)

It's one month old...

AND IT'S DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm miserable. I feel wretched. I am suicidal. I don't know what to do with myself. I can't go in my car, I can't run, I can't even be bored because I have no music. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

I AM DYING HERE!!!! My life is no longer worth living. My life has no soundtrack... I don't know if I'll be able to hold up until they replace it. BECAUSE THEY BETTER REPLACE IT!

I am going to go take perrito and hide under the bed and cry now.

...and guess who is not going?

The love of my life and "the other woman" are going to be at Loft tonight and I am not going. I refuse to go. Honestly, I have no idea how the people of PAV/ Abacus people can possibly believe that you can put together a show like that in a place like Loft. I'm giving up.

I said some months ago that I was going to quit going to Loft regardless of who was going there. I refuse to give any of those people money if I can't at the very least feel safe in the environment I am at. I've held true to my promise though my social life has suffered a little because of it. Oh well! It's a sacrifice I'm still willing to make.

Besides, it's not like I dont' go out almost every night already anyway...

it's game night!

Britney has finally filed for divorce, Reese and Ryan are calling it quits, Shanna Moackler had a divorce party. Seriously, what is this world coming to?

On the upside though, the Democrats have control of the House and almost of Senate and Rumsfeld resigned. Those are the things that make life worth living. It makes me feel good that my vote made a difference (even though I know that absentee ballots usually get counted last).

I am freaked out about Dominican living these days. Everywhere I go there are Christmas trees and lights and scary looking Santas that say ho-ho-ho every 30 seconds. I understand the need to be festive but it's not even Thanksgiving yet! Christmas is not for another month and a half! and what's more, it's not like you can argue that people want to keep their house smelling like pine longer because here most people have fake trees (frankly, a far better choice that chopping off trees for the sake of decoration).

Dan gets here in 12 days. I can't get into the holiday spirit until he is around. He is part of the tradition. For the past 12 years or so he has been in a fixture in my Thanksgiving table regardless of where said table is. I can't wait to see him (even though I just saw him last month). I need to see him because I need to calm down. All this partying can't be good for me and although it's better for me to be depressed and laughing in all my stylish cuteness than it is to be depressed and moping around my house with a pint of ice cream, I don't want to be depressed anymore. It's been a couple of weeks already and HWMNBN doesn't deserve that.

Perrito is attacking Sally. He is under the impresison that he is a rottweiler when he is in fact a maltese. One of these days Sally is going to step on him or bite him or something and I am going to laugh. Though I have to give him props for being the way he is because at the end of the day, life is 90% attitude...

My analysis of The One.

The One turned out to be a beer.

Yet, non beer drinking me has got to give them props for the concept.

What's more, I have to give them props for that privee. That was an excellent party! Not only was it beautifully executed in terms of location (but I still hate that floor) and logistics, it took rebelliousness to a higher level: The curfew thing and the admission things were taken a step further.

The curfew
I don't know at exactely what time the party ended, I do know though that at 1:45am they took their beer and let the music play. From what I've heard, the party went on until some time past 2:00am. Hard to say though because every Dominican I know has issues telling a story accurately. In my opinion though, it could have gone on forever and nobody- including the authorities- would have noticed, and even if they had, after 2:00am it was an alcohol free house party. No laws were being broken there!

The admission thing
So some people are going to call whoever put the guest list together, sexist, racist, classist, and every other word ending with the suffix i-s-t. That may be true. In my Public relations driven opinion, that guest list was worth its weight in gold. A strike of genious if I may say so myself. Only pretty people and pretty party people were invited. I recognized 90% of the faces in the place, even if I wasn't necessarily friends with them. And not only was the party by invitation, they actually controlled who went in and out of the building. By name. Even the few people from the media who were there were familiar faces!

They have a website. To be "considered" for invitations to future parties, you have to fill out a registration form that is so specific that they can easily say "I want to invite only 24 year old females whose first name start with the letter C, live in houses in Los Cacicazgos and have Verizon cell phones with an 809 area code". Like I said before, and when I arrived at the party, this database they are creating is priceless. The event managers knew who to invite the first time, and in a small society such as this it doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure out who they would bring as their one guest. These people were all registering. These people are their target market.

I don't know how they are planning to introduce their product into the mainstream. For at least a day though, I know that everyone who surrendered their keys to the valet at the venue had a six pack of One beer to share with their friends (or drink on their own). Maybe their product isn't really a beer and this was just a product they created to identify with a cause that we are still unsure of what it is; however, for the time being this is pretty cool. Even if I hate beer.

They better not be Communists or Terrorists!

The fine people of the One Movement were kind enough to invite me to what promises to be a very cool party. I can't figure out what exactely this movement is supossed to be and we all remember what happened the last time I went to support a cause I wasn't completely familiar with! In any case, I am going to go. House music is good. Robbie Rivera is good. The guest list is good. The location is good.

If there is a cause to this movement other than the obvious, it BETTER be good.

9 people - 3 last names...

Some months back I went to the birthday soiree of a very good friend of mine. Like mine, his parents split up when he was young and also like mine, they had to find themselves in more failed marriages before they finally found themselves with someone who was good for them. It was at this soiree that I saw something you don't see very often: a collection of parents, step parents and siblings old and new hanging out and celebrating.

A big percentage of my friends grew up in families where step relatives were the norm, and being a part of that subculture I never stopped to examine the dynamics of these families because I figured that what I had grown up with, which unfortunately involved an unexplained rejection towards the family I was born into and the temporary parental units that came and left, was the norm. It was at the tender age of 26 at this birthday party that I realized that I was part of the unfortunate majority though definitely not representative of the whole.

Ironically though, in all of this "rejection" I speak of we never include step siblings. I grew up with a bunch of step siblings that continue to be referred to as brothers and sisters and to this day, even the ones who are not an active part of our lives are regarded as such. In total, I have had 13 step siblings and one half sister, that is of course not including Ivan and Gus.

In the days before Ilonka's wedding, as dictated by tradition, there were a lot of family events. Lucky or unlucky for her, she married a man who comes from a very traditional family (ie- divorce-free)so it was hard to bring together the two families when in reality it was three. It was also hard to bring together the families when not all the parties involved were willing to include the others. It was hard to get over the embarrassment of the explanations.

But then came the siblings.

In the days prior to the wedding we all came together and stayed together. Maybe it was noticeable from the divergance of my regularly scattered posts to a greater focus on family, but for the past number of days I've come to realize just how important my family is to me, and most specifically my siblings- even the steps. It was at some point during the wedding circus that we became siblings because we wanted to, not as consequence of other people's actions. We also adopted Robert and his siblings because they are good. Regardless of who was hosting what we were always included and that was a sign of transcendence.

The day of the wedding all three families had to come together under Ilonka's terms, which frankly were simply that everyone would just be together and play nice. In retrospect I believe that we taught everyone there a lesson. Together, along with our respective significant others, we celebrated as a family and we made it a point to build relationships with people who though they are not our family per se, they are our family because thanks to them these people who we love are in the world.

I firmly believe that those who hadn't seen us together were pleasantly surprised at the way we raise each other to a higher level. I am absolutely certain that Ilonka got everything she wanted that day including the assurance that no matter what happens with our parents or families that we'll always be around. The universe works in mysterious ways and if we were brought together by fate and disliked each other as a first reaction, years later we came together by choice and now we have a huge family.

I am okay with that.

They really said "I do"...

Thank you very much...

for finally getting off of my island!

now stay out of my life.

-me.

Ilonka and Robert are getting married today (finally)...

I hope that they live a long happy life together and that no matter what we can always still do this: