End it with a bang!

Tonight:

Tomorrow:
Rest, relaxation and driving to wherever it you are planning to spend the weekend (unless of course you decide to stay put).

Sunday:
----------

I don't know how I am going to pull off partaking in any of of these festivities. I think that I am going to make part of my new year's resolutions to sleep more, drink less and learn to plan ahead.

2 years-24 months-104 weeks-730 days

Today my blog turns 2 years old.

Frankly, I didn't think it would make it to 2 months old.

A little while ago I browsed through the past 2 years of writing and I couldn't help myself but be amazed as to how much of myself I have shared with the rest of the world. Although this was originally intended to be a place where I could bitch about all the things (and the people) that pissed me off, it slowly but surely became a platform where I could say what I was thinking even when often times it was just too personal.

I've been judged because of this blog and I've lost friends because of this blog. I have also made friends because of it and managed to say the things I couldn't say that have since made all the difference. All in all, my blog has been like a good friend.

Thanks for reading, thanks for sharing, and thanks to the Gods of the internet for giving me a platform were I can keep myself sane.

xox-

annush!

Bad things happen to good people

Some things are good, some things are bad, and some are whatever you can make of them. Though ultimately, any situation is what you make of it because whatever way is going to happen, it's gonna' be the way it's gonna' be.

It worries me a lot that so many bad things happen to people and nobody ever hears about them. Everybody knows that some things are wrong, and yet people are doing those very things sometimes to the least likely people. People do things that they don't think make a difference in people's lives but they do...because they are so horrid, because they are so disarming, because even when you think you have blocked it out you never really forget.

I know a girl who was molested as a child and when I heard that I thought that she would be the one person I would ever meet who was molested as a child. But she wasn't. Another girl who was very close to me was also molested. This one girl was molested repeatedly by different people. And I thought to myself, that maybe that was it. That I would never again find someone who had lived through such a traumatic ordeal. But I did. And each time it got worse, and each time the story was that much more terrifying.

Then I heard of the story of the girl who "didn't have consensual sex", and I knew that this is something that happened but I didn't think that it happened that often, and I had already met the girl who was date raped so I was surprised. And I thought that this was it. That I had met my quota of girls who had really bad things happen to them but apparently I hadn't and there was the girl who was raped by her friend and the other one who was raped by a stranger and actually said something. Because the common denominator in all of these tragic stories is that they never said anything, at least not with the intention to do something about it.

So all of these girls grew up, and alone they managed to get through it. They survived the ultimate invasion of privacy. And now they hate men. Well, not so much that they hate men but they don't trust them and if they do something bad the girls expect it and if they do something they should be doing anyway they cry. Their relationships suffer. Their self esteem has suffered.

And all it took was maybe 10 minutes? an hour? three hours? to really fuck up the rest of that life. And I didn't think that really happened that often. That maybe that had been an unfortunate exception to the rule, but it did and it does and I am sorry and it's not even my fault...

the holiday spirit...

The F-P-L family Christmas was lots of fun.

I know that some people have issues with spending the Holidays with their families but I love spending the Holidays with mine! I don't know if it's the nuttyness or the food (I MUST DIET NOW!!!!) but the fact of the matter is that I can't think of a better place to be (or better people to be with) during this time of the year.

Anyway, this year we went to spend the Christmas holiday in La Romana at the house Ivan built for us. We had a great time, and everything was beautiful even though we didn't get a chance to buy a tree. Our tree this year consisted of a really tall vase with really big Christmas flowers. Better than nothing I suppose. (actually, I kinda' liked it).

The better part of the weekend I spent obscenely tired. I came back from Miami with the cold from hell and even though it seemed to want to work with me (not kill me throughout the weekend) it had me completely worn out. So my mom's advice was:

"Ana, there is Red Bull in the fridge. Go make yourself a drink"

...and you know, mother knows best...so I had a whole lot of drinks.

I got a whole bunch of REALLY good presents. I guess I was nicer this past year than I originally thought I had been. The material stuff was good, the thoughtful stuff was better. It makes one feel good to know that when people care they will go through unimaginable lengths to find you, and if they don't, just to leave a message to say Merry Christmas...even if they leave that same message in every phone number you've got.

From my family to yours: Merry Christmas :)

oh the holidays!

My head hurts so badly I can't even think straight. I'm still trying to figure out if this is a manifestation of a hangover, maybe a result of going to bed at 4:30am or if I am truly getting sick. In any case, I feel terrible.

I think I am going to hope for the Festivus miracle of good health. I don't like feeling unwell.

Anyway, I'm back in Santo Domingo for the holidays. Gus arrives today and like a big, happy family we are all heading over to Romana to celebrate Christmas. I am happy. The holidays make me all warm and fuzzy inside...especially now that I am trying to get in the holiday spirit by wearing festive undies. hehehe...it really does work...particularly when you are drunk.

Off to nap I go...if I don't come back have a happy Festivus, a Merry Christmas and all that other good stuff. If I do write back before I leave, i'll try to wish you all of those things in a more convincing fashion :)

I think Japancita should be the new face of Viva Glam...

I think she is way better looking than Dita Von Teese...don't you agree?

what goes around, goes around, goes around comes all the way back around...

"Don't want to think about it (no)
Don't want to talk about it
I'm just so sick about it
Can't believe it's ending this way
Just so confused about it
Feeling the blues about it (yeah)
...
Tell me is this fair?"-Justin Timberlake

christmas shopping

This morning when I woke up I asked Yvette at what time the malls usually open here because I am going back to Santo Domingo tomorrow and I need to get my Christmas shopping done. She said that usually it's at 10 but that they should open today way earlier because "you know, it's Christmas".

So I say to myself that it really is Christmas week and I get my ass off the bed.

I make some coffee, turn on my laptop, check my email and catch up with a few blogs. Yuri's blog is one big Christmas card. So I have to ask myself what am I still doing in my pijamas? I guess I should be more into the holiday spirit but other than that Menorah lighting party they had going on at Lincoln Road last night and that really horrible Christmas party I went to Saturday night, I haven't partaken in any holiday festivities.

Plus it's hard to get into the whole Christmas spirit when Starbucks isn't even selling gingerbread biscotti. That's just wrong.

In any case, Yuri is in Ft. Lauderdale until noon today and I'm very upset that I won't get to see her despite the fact that there isn't a body of water between us anymore. Ha! I guess I'm not like certain people I know...Anyway, today is Maria Celeste's birthday, apparently I am going to the Shakira concert tomorrow despite the fact that I don't really care for her music,and now I have to go take a shower so I can go buy my gifts (and that dress I'm absolutely crazy about).

I also have to go buy a wine opener and a vase. If you only knew how we open wine bottles and where we place flowers at Yvette's apartment, you'd die laughing :) I love it though. It warms my heart.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARIA!!!

I love you!!!

Have a wonderful birthday :)

xox-
me :)

No answer, bad answer...

One of the things I find craziest about this whole blogging business is how people categorize you and then they take it upon themselves to bitch about how you are not fulfilling the role they believe you should be fulfilling.

And of course, they do it via email.

At times like these I wonder why I have shared my email address with you people...

Anyway, I got this email today that I found absolutely hillarious:

"You moved. Big deal. I don't know what it is you are looking for but if you haven't found it by now I don't think you will. YOu are just spoiled. You should just keep partying and writing about parties. That's what you do best. Or is your life only good if you are in Santo Domngo and NY? I don't care about your sugar or your hapiness. Just admit you found your drugs. YOu won't say it but I know that you like the candy. I want to know what's cool because at least you know about cool. I want to know where you go and what you do. That's wha you are good at and i won't read you anymore if you move to a place where you don't haev a life".

hahahahahahahahahaha

Now that I am done laughing, I will simply say that it's heart warming to know that people think of me as someone who is "cool". That has never been my intention, but thank you. I don't mean to be cool, I am actually quite a nerd (always have been) and I like myself this way. I haven't been writing about parties because I haven't really partied. I've been studying believe it or not! You know, trying to get my shit together so I can build a life and what not because my spoiledness is subsidized by yours-truly .

I don't give people grief about their life choices...show me that same courtesy please.

That said, in my time here, I've been to Novecento, Soyka, the Gables Diner and have spent lots of time at Starbucks.

Call that a party if you may.

:)

exhale...

I have always been one to worry. Despite my laissez faire facade, I tend to worry and obsess to an almost pathological level. It's really terrifying because a paranoid me, is not a pretty sight.

For a long time I was worried about stepping on Miami soil again. After my experience here in 2001, I avoided this place like the plague taking care in not even booking flights with Miami connections. I managed to go for a good 4 years without coming back. Then, of course, fate stepped in. I had to come back and I did so reluctantly and I don't know what it was about that spoonful of sugar I found along the way but I craved the Miami medicine every day since.

The problem with cravings is that more often than not they are bad for you and I was always convinced that I craved this but I obsessed over the fact that it was for the wrong reasons. I didn't want it to be for the wrong reason so I fought the world and then myself because I am okay with doing things out of stupidity but I am not okay of making an ass out of myself in the process.

My spoonful of sugar is no longer as sweet as it was. But the medicine is not nearly as bitter either. I was certain that no other sugar would ever be better than my spoonful of sugar, but it appears that it's proven to cause cancer in lab rats so even if it's still tasty, is not nearly as desirable.

I am happy to be here and I am relieved to know that I can do it on my own.

I feel like after 3 years I can finally exhale.

i didn't think i'd ever exhale...

Priceless...

I am happy.

Today I was 4 hours late for class. I set off the alarm in my cousin's townhouse. My final is on Sunday. Yvette's birthday soiree is on Saturday. Last night I got an hour of sleep. I have a broken nail. It's wicked cold here. I had 3 pieces of cake today. I hate traffic. I have to study. Japancita made friends with the unlikely ally. My Starbucks card ran out of money. I have lots of homework...

...and I can't say how I am going to feel tomorrow or even five minutes from now but at this very moment I am happy, satisfied and most importantly well fed.

I love these moments.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YVETTE!!

...as someone who has officially known you half of your life, and loved you almost as long I want to wish you every happiness today and always.

You are wonderful.

*hugs and kisses*

Ana banana (head)

A wink and a smile

Sometimes the only thing that a woman needs to feel good about life again is a hairdresser and knee socks. I know that this sounds very Elle Woods of me, but it's true. Miraculuosly all of yesterday's existential issues began to work themselves out at 6:00am this morning when I realized that I could in fact wear a miniskirt and not be cold because I have knee socks and then were completly gone by the time I spotted a hair and nail place near my school during my luch break.

Voila! happy and cute :)

I don't think I give my friends as much credit as I should...After I wrote yesterday's post I realized that even though my friends weren't physically present yesterday when I felt I needed them, it was a friend who helped me pick out my dinner, albeit by phone, it was a friend who kept me amused all day during class via text messages, and it was a friend who kissed me good night and promised me a date tomorrow. In reality I have it better than a lot of people who manage to have people around them all the time!

Clarity of mind comes so easy after running. I've taken up running again. Actually, jogging because my knee still hates me after that injury; but five miles a day isn't bad...even if it's in slow motion.

I wonder how Perrito is doing...I also wonder a whole lot of other stuff but I'll let life surprise me. That's always fun.

my own worse enemy

Today I had a crappy day.

Between black cats crossing my path more often than necessary, people attempting to run me over when I tried to cross the street, an academic program that sucks the last bit of energy out of my system and the first hint that I may actually miss my friends, my initial burst of positive energy seems to be needing a boost.

Changes are hard and I seem to have forgotten that.

I've been thinking a lot about that "distance makes the heart grow fonder" saying and I think that I'm beginning to understand it and to internalize it and apply it to people as well as situations. I think back on how much better it was before or elsewhere, and maybe it was better, but it seems like selective amnesia has contributed to creating these perfect memories. I find that our brains and hearts are unfair.

Three days ago I wrote to someone saying that I was happy. Two days ago I told that same someone that I was nervous. Yesterday I just thought about stuff. Today I am a little hesitant. I don't even want to consider the possibility that this is me being my own worse enemy, but being indpendent is not the same thing as being alone and right now that's how i feel and incidentally, being along brings out the worse in me, which is funny considering that 90% of the time I am the one to reject people.

I had a weird day and I wanted to call someone up and say "hey let's go have a drink and talk crap for a while" but there was nobody i could really vent to. There was nobody I could do that with. Not yet anyway. I'll keep hoping though and continuing to build because hope is a powerful force...

Times they are a' changing...

I feel like I'm partaking in an adventure. It's been two days and I have yet to start flipping out or get nervous or anything like that. I'm hopeful and that is a strong powerful thing.

Today I was stitting in the backyard by the water and it ocurred to me that I am changing. That this past year changed me and I don't know if it was for the better or what but I feel like I'm different and that's enough I guess. I've done a lot of things I sad I'd NEVER do (again or ever) and I am still here. Maybe stronger, maybe weaker, but I am here.

I seem to have found support for this move in an unlikely ally. Maybe I shouldn't be so trusting but I feel safe...something else I said I wouldn't consider and there it is.

The 100 things about me post has been updated. In looking for reaffirmation that I wasn't just PMSing when I felt unlike myself I looked there and some things needed changing. Go look.

I'll be writing again soon. Until then I leave you with Jap girl. She is having a blast!

I am in Miami...

(though not yet it's newest resident)

still, wish me luck :)

-so far so good though...