Tuesday, January 04, 2005

yeah...i can disappear here.

I am finally back in NYC after what appeared to be the longest 10 days of my life. By the time I got home yesterday, after having survived alcohol poisoning, boredom, and the loss of a friend, I was ready to kiss the ground I was walking on and vow to myself that I would never go back to the place I saw as a safe haven.

Now I am clear as to where "home" really is. Home being a relative term of course. If we go by the whole "home is where the heart is" theory, I would have to say that my home is usually somewhere either on American airlines or Lufthansa.

I always said that it is better to be a small fish in a big fishtank than a big fish in a small tank. My theory has been proven. As of right now I don't care if I disappear here.

Actually, I want to because quite often I do. So I don't have to wait for things that never come. I thought that yesterday (literally yesterday) would be different...That I would live through it in a different way, hoping for things to be different. But I didn't and they weren't so I wished I could just hide and I made myself disappear. Though I wished I could just teleport myself to other places. Because no matter what, it always seems like I should be somewhere else. It seems that I leave too early or I arrive too late. But I hope, and hope is a very strong force, that one day I will be standing where I need to be at just the right time and that when the time comes I won't want to disappear.




4 comments:

Gabs said...

O sea. I'm feeling the same thing today. More so than other day. I think we should find our own island, claim it and live it by our rules. As soon as we think someone's complicating things we can just ship em out.

Chokomokolatura said...

Girls girls girls...don't you remember the lesson from the Wizard of Oz??? click yer heels and count back to three...there is no place like home, the catch is you are home...

ps: can I be the island boy-toy??

Gabs said...

We will actually be holding auditions soon for mute, gorgeous, island boy toys--- that was an integral part of the plan. I shouldn't be putting this in writing...

Chokomokolatura said...

a-i a-i a-i a la papa frita del xuxito..