yeah...i can disappear here.

I am finally back in NYC after what appeared to be the longest 10 days of my life. By the time I got home yesterday, after having survived alcohol poisoning, boredom, and the loss of a friend, I was ready to kiss the ground I was walking on and vow to myself that I would never go back to the place I saw as a safe haven.

Now I am clear as to where "home" really is. Home being a relative term of course. If we go by the whole "home is where the heart is" theory, I would have to say that my home is usually somewhere either on American airlines or Lufthansa.

I always said that it is better to be a small fish in a big fishtank than a big fish in a small tank. My theory has been proven. As of right now I don't care if I disappear here.

Actually, I want to because quite often I do. So I don't have to wait for things that never come. I thought that yesterday (literally yesterday) would be different...That I would live through it in a different way, hoping for things to be different. But I didn't and they weren't so I wished I could just hide and I made myself disappear. Though I wished I could just teleport myself to other places. Because no matter what, it always seems like I should be somewhere else. It seems that I leave too early or I arrive too late. But I hope, and hope is a very strong force, that one day I will be standing where I need to be at just the right time and that when the time comes I won't want to disappear.