Friday, June 17, 2005

untamed heart.

In one of my many visits to Barnes and Noble over the past couple of weeks, hiding underneath many of other titles in the Father's Day display as if waiting to be found, I stumbled across a book with a very disturbing title: "Why a Daughter Needs a Dad".

I can only imagine what the book is about as I refused to actually sit there and read it; however, based on my own experience, the title of this book alone conveys the idea that this book is completely full of shit.

I am not bitter; and what's more, I am not looking to diminish every woderful existing father/daughter relationship out there. It just seems to me that a title like that is an exaggeration to the millionth degree. I, as a daughter, don't think that daughters NEED dads. Sure, dads are nice to have around but you don't need them. Kinda like sex: It's nice if you have it, but it's not like you are going to drop dead if you don't!

I've had four dads in my life, and on the most part, I think that to an extent they have helped shape my life in the sense that they have thought me about different things and helped me appreciate things I may have otherwise never been exposed to. Now, do I think that I NEEDED to learn the things these men thought me? hard to say, but I'm sure that had it been that important and had they not been around, my mom would have taught me.

Need is such a strong word and fatherhood is such a tricky thing. The link between mother and child is so obvious but a father can feel at times like nothing more than a sperm donor! Right now I'm sitting here trying to think back on a time when I felt like I may have NEEDED a dad in my 25.75 years of life and I can't think of one time. It's actually kind of sad. Though then again, in the words of the fox in
The Little Prince: "you become responsible for what you tame". Maybe none of my 4 dads ever tamed me at all...


Bracuta said...

Speak for yourself!!! If I don't get "any" I'll drop dead!

Bracuta said...

Dude? Are you alive? Comment!

Robert_M said...

You cannot be tamed my dear.

henry siteber said...

I don't believe in regrets and wishing I could go back in time to change anything because the things that happened in the past made me who I am today. My daughter may grow up fine without me, but I always want her around me so that I can protect. Then again, maybe not having a father to protect you made you the strong person you are today.

rick said...

i thought i had it all together... when all three of my kids were younger, and they were more like babies and less like people... thinking, talking people.

8,5,and 3... and i thought that my boys (8 and 3) would be the ones that i most related with. quite the opposite. i get frustrated easier, i don't understand more.

but my brite eyed daughter... well, she's me all over again.

i could never choose "favorites", it's just that she understand me better... same with my wife, the boys "get" her easier.

am i even on topic? sorry, long day.

Cindy St. Onge said...

I have conflicting feelings about the necessity of a father's presence.

I had an ideal father. He was nurtuting, loving, engaged and supportive.

But I see alot of people who've been messed up by abusive fathers, and I wonder if men are wired in a way that makes them unsafe to be around children. I'd hate to imagine my life without my dad, but I truly think a lot of kids would be better off with out predatory (at the worst) or self-absorbed (at the best) males in their lives.

Holden said...

Nice post... I like reading your Blog a lot, excellent writing.

Dancing With Tears In My Eyes


ducklet said...

yeah, i agree, that is a totally creepy title for a book. hopefully someone will do a follow-up called, 'why a daughter needs a restraining order.'

mrsmogul said...

Well, I hope you are having a good day today.

FedUp said...

I know exactly how you feel. I never had a father and I never really felt as though I would have needed him, the way that I needed (and often still do) my mom. It is sad when I think about it and when I see my friends with their dads. However, I don't think that a dad is essential for a child to grow and develop properly.

LocuTus of Borg said...

Sorry to hear that Annush :( you seem to have some bitter feelings. I am not one to judge and I won't, just wish things could have been different for you. Take care and remember all your friends here love you! :)

Aaron the Truck Driver said...

Dang, got me beat.

3 dads.

I had two moms though!