For most of my adult life, when the time has come for me to move, if I must give anyone an answer as to “why”, my answer is always “because I want to and because I can”. I think that people like me, who have been given the opportunity to realize just how free they really are, can all agree that’s the best answer for that one question regardless of the circumstance.
I have heard that line before repeatedly from family members, from acquaintances, from friends and upon hearing it I have learned better than to question their motives and to simply wish them luck on their new adventure. I have also learned to say “see you later” because “goodbye”, no matter how you put it, will never cease to sound permanent. And leaving is never about forgetting where you have been or with whom, but about focusing on where you are going.
The problem with people like me is that inadvertently, they are bound to attract people who will inevitably leave someday. Maybe this is the reason why I’m still single. People who walk away, also get walked away from and even though “because I want to and because I can” ring true, there is always that little tickle in your tummy that makes you wonder if that “see you later” means goodbye; Especially if you hear that on a regular basis.
My friend Nicole woke up a few days ago and decided to move to Hawaii. She called to inform me of this while I was still in Philadelphia last weekend. I’m still flabbergasted. Deep down I always knew that she would leave as she has always been too good for Frederick, MD. Nicole and I became friends as neighbors in Germany, and 4 countries later we ended up somehow together again. In the 2 years and 2 months I’ve been back in America, I can’t imagine how I would have kept my sanity had it not been for her.
Yet, now she is leaving. And I can’t help myself but wonder if the reason why I am so distressed about her departure is that deep down I don’t know where I should be and I know that one day soon, just like I have done before, I will wake up, pack my bags, grab my passport and leave.
It’s a tricky situation.
But I don’t want to make this about me. This is about Nicole and about how much I am going to miss my partner in crime! The one person who understands just how important an espresso can be at midnight. She who won’t be a bus ride away anymore. She who is moving to Hawaii…