Wednesday, July 06, 2005

because I want to and because I can...

For most of my adult life, when the time has come for me to move, if I must give anyone an answer as to “why”, my answer is always “because I want to and because I can”. I think that people like me, who have been given the opportunity to realize just how free they really are, can all agree that’s the best answer for that one question regardless of the circumstance.

I have heard that line before repeatedly from family members, from acquaintances, from friends and upon hearing it I have learned better than to question their motives and to simply wish them luck on their new adventure. I have also learned to say “see you later” because “goodbye”, no matter how you put it, will never cease to sound permanent. And leaving is never about forgetting where you have been or with whom, but about focusing on where you are going.
The problem with people like me is that inadvertently, they are bound to attract people who will inevitably leave someday. Maybe this is the reason why I’m still single. People who walk away, also get walked away from and even though “because I want to and because I can” ring true, there is always that little tickle in your tummy that makes you wonder if that “see you later” means goodbye; Especially if you hear that on a regular basis.

My friend Nicole woke up a few days ago and decided to move to Hawaii. She called to inform me of this while I was still in Philadelphia last weekend. I’m still flabbergasted. Deep down I always knew that she would leave as she has always been too good for Frederick, MD. Nicole and I became friends as neighbors in Germany, and 4 countries later we ended up somehow together again. In the 2 years and 2 months I’ve been back in America, I can’t imagine how I would have kept my sanity had it not been for her.

Yet, now she is leaving. And I can’t help myself but wonder if the reason why I am so distressed about her departure is that deep down I don’t know where I should be and I know that one day soon, just like I have done before, I will wake up, pack my bags, grab my passport and leave.

It’s a tricky situation.

But I don’t want to make this about me. This is about Nicole and about how much I am going to miss my partner in crime! The one person who understands just how important an espresso can be at midnight. She who won’t be a bus ride away anymore. She who is moving to Hawaii…


15 comments:

Bracuta said...

You can move wherever you want to, for me you'll always be a click away.
That is, if you move someplace where they have internet access (asuming you'll take your computer with you).

Tank said...

I have to say that an esspresso at midnight is sometimes called for and sometimes a very relaxing thing to sit down and have.

As for the moving, you've got to say see you later to your friend and figure out when and were you might want to go next. You'll probably run into your friend again soon enough.

And don't forget often even though the people around you might leave a couple clicks and you're in contact again.

SA-Eric said...

I have always been the one who left first. In one location a buddy left first. It was weird being the one left behind. It pressed me more to leave, which I did. On a positive note, you now have a free place to stay in Hawaii!!!

Kiki A.Ortiz said...

bueno, cuando ves mucha gente irse hay un momento donde puedes caer en no atarte ni un poquito..pero ya ves la vida se encarga de unir las almas que deben estar juntas en este mundo...estoy de acuerdo, un adios suena algo eterno..y no lo es, ull be fine..
un beso

Vince said...

My partner in crime moved to Australia a couple of years back and then came back to the US and settled in Chicago. Through it all we are stronger than ever!

Cindy St. Onge said...

Now you have a reason--if you needed one--to go to Hawaii.

I know you're dealing with what seems like one loss right after another, at the moment. But if your blog audience is any indication, you'll never have a shortage of people who care about you.

mw said...

You've captured this concept perfectly. I have found that you can not use that line to end a relationship. "because I want to and because I can." Which sucks, because sometimes that completely sums it up.

Libélula said...

I've had to say "see you later" (meaning Goodbye) to too many of my friends in the last 3 years.

Some have moved to the States, some to Europe. I understood the reasons each of them had for leaving… But I still miss them all terribly!!!

Mona Buonanotte said...

As long as you're single, no kids, and can find a job and a place to stay, move when the winds blow you! 'Cause when you're older and more settled, it's harder. We'll all still be here for you, listening intently to your new adventures!

Grant said...

On the brighter side, you will soon have an excellent excuse (and a place to stay) for visiting Hawaii. :)

Elijah said...

I dont think a woman of your intelligence has to worry about being single for very long..
Oh, by the way...smokin picture.
These should be a regular part of all your posts [does this sound insensitive?]
: ]
: ]

K said...

When you visit her, let her know it's mandatory that you take a friend from Texas!! ;)

I'd buy a one way ticket just to escape this place.

dan said...

I'm sure it'll all work out okay. It'll be a test but it'll work out.

Weary Hag said...

In a sense, missing people makes us think about them all the more, and all the more lovingly. (sad but true)
I could read your posts over and over. You write with such a caring tone and you state yourself so very well. It's refreshing to see a lovely looking young lady who has a marvelous brain in her head.

When I was younger and childless, I moved around quite a bit. Sometimes, that's exactly what the doctor ordered.
As others have stated here, you'll never be alone too long as long as you have your Internet connection.
Ain't life grand?

whitneydonkey said...

my husband and i have moved 10 times (been married for 12) and it is exciting everytime, new people and cool places, but now with kids and 3 dogs its getting harder! but we are looking for that perfect beautiful place to step out every morning and drink our coffee! we will find it and you will too!