Monday, July 25, 2005

Papa Don't Preach.

I am convinced that there must be something genetically wrong with me. One would think that considering that I hate the cold and that I am in fact a Dominican, that I would handle the heat better than I do. But no! I am pretty sure that if I don’t die of a heat stroke one of these days, I’ll get that thing that you get when you drink too much water that also kills you. Ugh!

But I’ll manage somehow. I will survive!

So I was reading
Heidi’s blog just now, and her latest post seemed to fitting to what I was going to write about that I would like you to go check it out (assuming of course that you can read Spanish). It is about emotional intelligence.

According to
Wikipedia, the expression emotional intelligence or EI indicates a kind of intelligence or skill that involves the ability to perceive, assess and positively influence one's own and other people's emotions.

Notice how you emotional intelligence has nothing to do with intelligence as we know it.

There are a lot of people in my life who if they were blessed with the gift of a high IQ, or above average book smarts, they have the EI of tomato sauce and that’s saying A LOT. If I had a quarter for every time that any of these people inadvertently hurt someone due to their emotional retardedness, let’s just say that right now I’d probably be blogging from a yacht in the Mediterranean!

Look at my biological father for example.

I don’t like to write about him, or even think about him for that matter. I don't even have a picture of him anywhere because I truly hope that if I don’t think about him I can erase his existance from my being. Somewhat stupid line of reasoning, I know, but it helps me get through life unscathed.

The last time I saw my father was back in September- the day after my birthday. Because I was in town, as per my 13 year old half-sister's request, I showed up at their doorstep for the sole purpose of giving HER a hug. He, of course, thought this visit was about him. It’s always about him.

I made up an excuse to leave. Like I’ve said before, I have no patience for bullshit.

Since then, I haven’t received an email from him, let alone a phone call. That never worried me though because you can’t miss what you’ve never had. I figured that the way our relationship worked (which was always basically US going to see HIM, always at his house, never in a public place) was okay. Enough to give anyone an "other woman complex".

That was until he entered my turf.

Daddy dearest has been in New York for two weeks now. I haven’t even received a phone call (not that he's ever called), let alone a visit (apt. #5/ 0 visits). For all he knows I live in a cardboard box on the steps of St. Patrick’s Cathedral but I can imagine how during his Holiday he can’t be bothered with such trivial things.

Oh yeah! This coming from the man who just in May thought that taking a trip to London to see his son graduate college would be too costly. Call me crazy but 4 days in London and 2 weeks in New York cost about the same…

My father is an intellectual genious with the sensitivity of a soccer ball.

In some level I was always hopeful that things would change. I thought that he could try to be the father other men were to us, even if to lighten the load on his conscience. Better late than never, right? But I was wrong. Oh so wrong!

I think it’s time to pretend he doesn’t exist so that this stuff will stop affecting me. At the end of the day, we are better off than he is: Ivan, Gus and I have each other and an alternative family people would kill for, yet all he has is a family he got stuck with and one out of 4.


KARAKALA said...

It sucks when parents are the ones that are wrong. Usually we tend to look up to them.
You might expect it from a boyfriend or girlfriend, you know, insensitivity, but it happens with everyone.

My father has made his share of mistakes and it hurts that we have no type of sincere communication any more.

But hey, life goes on. And it's best to ignore what eventually can harm you.

K said...

He's a jack-ass and I'm sorry he's treated you, his own flesh and blood, in this manner. You're better off without him hanging around.

Anonymous said...

Seems you feelt he same way I feel about my step-dad. Tho u dont seem mean spirited if i could be there when he dies I'd be the happiest person in the world.

Bracuta said...

I'm sorry to correct you, but sometime back you received and email from your your father... I believed it contained an email, but still...

annush said...

you mean a virus!

Pia Talks said...

"intellectual genius with the soul of a soccor ball." If nothing else your father gave you a truly great line.

Annush, you're a great person, despite your father--or maybe because of him

El chico del apto 512 said...

Forgive him in your heart, there is a reason you need to go through this. This is part of the cross that's been appointed to you. We need strong people to help the weak, perhaps in the future you will be able to help individuals that go through similar situations. Use your dad's cluelessness for a good cause! And if all else fails I can be your sugardaddy! :)

whitneydonkey said...

rejection hurts alot, especially from people we expect to love us unconditionally. maybe it is his culture to be a manly man and be self centered. he prob doesn't even know what it does to you.
Shame on him. At least you have other support and a great outlet to vent!

esme said...

i chanced upon your blog and found it interesting enough for me to comment on :)

it seriously sucks.
(the situation you're in, not your blog)
rejection from your own kin (especially your own parent)is something that others will not understand. . they are the ones we first build bonds with and therefore, are the hardest to sever ties with.

the best is to ignore him. it leaves room for improvment in his behaviour, yet you don't feel too disappointed when he doesn't perform.

take care.. i'll be adding your blog to my list of favourties.. :)

Grant said...

Ah feel your pain (and I'm not just saying that). My father and I are estranged, and I'm glad, but my mother (unfortunately) maintains contact. It's amazing - you have to have a license to own a gun, drive a car, walk a dog, or catch a fish, but anyone can raise a child (or not).

Libélula said...

Damn, girl...I'm sorry you've had to go through all this. I wish I had some words of wisdom to make you feel better. Unfortunately, I don’t. All I can tell you is that every experience teaches you something valuable. This thing with your dad I bet has made you stronger…In the end, your dad is the one that’s gonna regret his behavior.

Walter said...

I'm a father of a soon to be 2nd grade little girl. I truly believe being a parent is a Privilege that's earned and the relationship between a daughter and father should never fall into neglect. Anyone with a kid or kids that doesn't acknowledge this Privilege or lets the relationship between his child or children deteriorate isn't a parent, but a useless Schmuck.

You have my sympathy for the way he's treated you but one day he's going to understand what he had and what he lost with a good chance it'll be too late to rectify any of it. By then he'll be wallowing alone.

WonderCorky said...

I can't think of a shallow comment to leave for this topic....

I think I'll wait for another