Monday, August 15, 2005

The Politics of Child Rearing

The other day I was chatting with my mom regarding the absolute exhaustion work has been causing me. Although I realize that my job isn’t any more demanding than the average person’s and that I’m lucky in the sense that part of the “perks” of my job include things I lack in my everyday life (ie- real food, classy entertainment), lately I’ve been toying with the idea of taking a sabbatical so that I may regain my strength.

My mom says this is a good plan.

To take it a step further, my mom suggested that I quit my job and move back home where I can make my purpose for living going to the gym, learning how to cook and playing with my dogs, among other fun pointless things.

To an extent, I liked her suggestion though I do remember the fact that this is a woman who very recently was telling me about her scheme to kick my brothers out of the house again, if not out of the country altogether in the hopes that they will each “find their way”.

So I asked her “why do you want me back and not them?”

And this is when she broke out into what I now call “The Politics of Child Rearing”.

According to my mother, for as long as she has been a parent she has been very clear as to what she hopes for and expects for each of us. She also understands the role that each of us will take in society and as such, she has looked to prepare us to fit that role to the best of our abilities.


“I am raising your brothers to be great professionals who will also one day be heads of households. They need to be out in the world alone so that they are not ‘mama’s boys’. They have to fend for themselves so they can learn how to fend for their families. You, on the other hand, I have raised to be not only a scholar but a wife and a mother. You were meant to be taken care of; yet, it is you that keeps running away from who you really are”.

EEK! Talk about a double standard!

Growing up I never wanted to be a wife or a mother. It wasn’t until relatively recently that my maternal instincts kicked in and I have yet to feel the desire to be married. All I wanted back then and still now, is to be independent; though I do have to recognize that I was raised to be half of something.

My mother, she who has refused to live in a home that doesn’t have bedrooms for her already grown children, wants us to be successful out in the world. I applaud this. What I don’t understand is exactly how it would be okay for me to move back home and waste my productive years doing nothing and yet it’s not okay for my brothers who are each doing something to stay where they are. Hmmmmm

This would be so much easier had I just been a trust fund baby!


mw said...

It's always interesting how given the same set of circumstances, siblings can still end up so different. Are you the youngest by any chance?

AVA said...

That's because you're a woman, and you're latin.
Only about 10 percent of my girlfriends. My parents never tell me this, but I know deep inside they wish I'd never left to college and that I'd stayed home until I get married.
In 10 years of being away from home I questioned my desition many many times, it would have been a lot easier to be "taken care of" instead ofhaving to work to pay rent, buy a car, save money, etc. But the rewards of being independent are endless, and I wouldn't change my freedom for the world.

miss e. said...

i know what you mean about the maternal instincts kicking in - somedays i think about being a surrogate mother but then i think, no i don't want to do that to my body if it's not for my own child.

Valkyrie said...

Hmm. I never had a real mom...and my step mother doesn't count.

Oh. Annush, mind if I put a link up to your site on mine?

Reda said...

If you'll take a sabbatical. Momma's place is where.

Libélula said...

Annush, my mom still hopes I meet a nice, rich, foreign man that will "take care of me" doesn't matter how many times I tell her that I am an independent woman and blah blah blah...I in the end that's what most mothers want for their daughters...

Vince said...

Can I move in with mom?

midwest_hick said...

Refreshing to see she doesn't want to raisw mama's boys'

Mona Buonanotte said...

You've proven yourself to be an independent woman, your mom sees that quality in you and knows you can be successful. Maybe she's hoping your work ethic and motivation will rub off on your brothers?

And I think your mom really misses you.

annush said...

Woodland Creature: I am the oldest of 3.
Ava: My parents would have never let me stay home without an education. I'm still a loser cause I don't have my PhD!
Miss E: I would never even consider that! YOu are a better woman than me...
Randi: Link away!
Reda: My mom's place tends to move around a lot. Currrently though it's w/o traffic, 15 minutes away from your BF's place.
Libby: mom doesn't care where the guy comes from as long as he comes.
Vince: I don't think she'd want you. I doubt you look cute in skirts.
Hick: who would want a mama's boy?
Mona: I think you are right and she just misses me. She needs grandchildren.

Jonas said...

Maybe I'm crazy but I think your mom just misses you. I know mine won't leave me alone. I have to go to California just so she won't cry on the phone anymore.

"To Thine Own Self Be True"
---Bill Shakespeare

Grant said...

Barefoot and pregnant. That's the life for you. :p
Actually I think I would prefer to be a house husband than work in Corporate America. So much for assigned roles.