Monday, October 03, 2005

Pardon me while I burst...

Some days are just too incredibly long...

Since I've been home, I've been spending a lot of time with the family. Specifically, I've been spending a lot of time with my brothers and their respective girlfriends. Normally I really wouldn't care less about this; however, due to the fact that this is the first time that they each have seemingly serious girlfriends simultaneously, these days I care just a little bit.

If being a third wheel is bad, imagine what is like being a fifth wheel.

Both girls are nice. On the most part they go out of their way to make sure that I am having a good time and their efforts are always greatly appreciated. We laugh together, we make plans together, and in an effort to be civil I've even gone so far as to let one of them borrow my shoes and anyone who has ever met me can attest to the fact that I LOVE MY SHOES and hence I don't share them.

But they are not my girlfriends and at the end of the day I know that I'm just a stepping stone on their way to achieving family bliss. I've been there myself. I know how it goes.

These days I've been wishing I was in a relationship. Not for need of companionship, but to even out the numbers. To know that I have an ally that's not out to be my friend because it would make things easier but because they really want to be.

I keep thinking that I should find myself a little blonde boyfriend (both girls are blondes) so that I can look at them together and easily identify THEM from US. For some reason I can't understand this seems important to me. Although we have all grown up I have a hard time getting used to the idea that someday this may not be my family anymore because we'll each have families of our own.

I worry that I may not know how to be part of anything else or worse yet, that I may not be able to unbiasedly include anyone else. Nobody ever seems good enough for them. Though maybe they aren't that good to begin with which then makes me ask myself what does that say about me since they are the standard against which I measure everyone else...

That's the problem with being brough up as part of a "team".

12 comments:

Libélula said...

I often wonder if the same thing...Me and my sister are best friends. I often think about that...what our lives are gonna be once we have families of our own...But that's life for ya!!!

Grant said...

You should have no problem picking up a blonde boy toy. You biker chicks are sexy.

vicpichardo said...

biker chick??

i'm closer now to my sister than ever, now that she is married and just had a baby. family gets better as we get older.

annush said...

biker chick is an absolute overstatement but thanx ;)

Jonas said...

yeah I know how you feel. The idea of a relationship sounds wonderful but finding someone you can mesh with never seems easy. good chemistry is hard to find. besides i like brunettes. although i've usually dated blondes. maybe brunettes don't like me? or no wait, i have dated brunettes. ok where was i, oh yeah, good chemistry is hard to find. hope you've learned to stop the vespa.

AVA said...

I know how you feel Annush, I worry about the same thing. Even though my brother and my sister are not in any relationship at the time I worry about who they'll end up with, or whether or not I will like them (which I will probably have to because they will be part of my family at some point).
There is something that you should consider, though. It's very likely that your sisters in law are not just trying to be nice, but they really like you and consider you a friend. I've kept in touch with most of my sisters in law from the past because I became really close to them. When I broke up with an exboyfriend, it was always his family that I missed the most.

Valkyrie said...

Hi, Annush. My new name is R. Not R---i anymore.

The Assimilated Negro said...

blonde guys are way overrated...

annush said...

I know that! I haven't dated a blonde since high school...I like brunettes and redheads but hair color will never be a deciding factor in whether or not i date someone.

Bob W. said...

Ok Annush....I guess I missed something. I have not beed reading long enough I guess.

I thought you and Ivan were........?
well in the pictue a week ago you two looked like a great couple. oops.

The Assimilated Negro said...

"blonde hair color will never be a deciding factor."

*TAN thinks* - "Yes!! I've got a shot"

*pumps fist Tiger Woods style*

TAN says,

"cool, you know, whatever ... I could care less either way."

mw said...

Although we have all grown up I have a hard time getting used to the idea that someday this may not be my family anymore because we'll each have families of our own.

It doesn't matter, 'cause you don't get your way until you're 80. Even when you have a husband and a kid. Let us all bow down to the mighty mother-in-law.
I'm going ot try starting our own traditions this year, wielding the baby like as a secret weapon.