Some days are just too incredibly long...
Since I've been home, I've been spending a lot of time with the family. Specifically, I've been spending a lot of time with my brothers and their respective girlfriends. Normally I really wouldn't care less about this; however, due to the fact that this is the first time that they each have seemingly serious girlfriends simultaneously, these days I care just a little bit.
If being a third wheel is bad, imagine what is like being a fifth wheel.
Both girls are nice. On the most part they go out of their way to make sure that I am having a good time and their efforts are always greatly appreciated. We laugh together, we make plans together, and in an effort to be civil I've even gone so far as to let one of them borrow my shoes and anyone who has ever met me can attest to the fact that I LOVE MY SHOES and hence I don't share them.
But they are not my girlfriends and at the end of the day I know that I'm just a stepping stone on their way to achieving family bliss. I've been there myself. I know how it goes.
These days I've been wishing I was in a relationship. Not for need of companionship, but to even out the numbers. To know that I have an ally that's not out to be my friend because it would make things easier but because they really want to be.
I keep thinking that I should find myself a little blonde boyfriend (both girls are blondes) so that I can look at them together and easily identify THEM from US. For some reason I can't understand this seems important to me. Although we have all grown up I have a hard time getting used to the idea that someday this may not be my family anymore because we'll each have families of our own.
I worry that I may not know how to be part of anything else or worse yet, that I may not be able to unbiasedly include anyone else. Nobody ever seems good enough for them. Though maybe they aren't that good to begin with which then makes me ask myself what does that say about me since they are the standard against which I measure everyone else...
That's the problem with being brough up as part of a "team".