Thursday, December 22, 2005
...but you have to follow through.
I saw my father last night for the first time in two years.
That was odd, weird, awkward, and strange.
In preparation for the New Year, I am trying to get my life in proper karmatic order. Although I know that what's gone down over the years in terms of our relationship with our father has not been our fault, as a precaution I thought that I would go see him and for one last time try to smooth things over just in case I had any part of the blame in the downfall of our relationship.
I took the first step and I do hope God gives me brownie points for that.
It's amazing how little things really do make a difference and how those little things can highlight things that might otherwise go unnoticed...
"Why don't you eat some of the filet?"
"I don't eat meat."
"Since I was 9"
He was receptive to my grievances. For the first time he seems to have understood what I was trying to say, and he expressed it. Though I could tell he was in awe of the person sitting across of him, I could feel him struggling trying to decipher who exactely was this person he never got to know. He has always been the same person, but we have grown and changed and the only thing that may remain of the children he once knew, is our last name.
Christmas is a season for giving and I intend to do just that. Perhaps karmatic balance is not a very good reason to give oneself but the first step is always the hardest one to take and usually the most important. Motives change. And if perhaps karmatic balance was my reason for going yesterday in the first place, it's not my reason for meeting him again . Which I will.
'cause I kinda' miss him.
Posted by annush at 7:33 AM