Lead us not into temptation...

"I generally avoid temptation, unless I can't resist it"

-Mae West

"There is no moral precept that does not have something invonvenient about it "

-Denis Diderot

Back in the day Yvette used to say that "girlfriends are like speedbumps:they slow you down but they don't stop you". I don't know what the fact that we used to speak like this (or even know such sayings) says about our moral fiber; however, we were not the kind of girls who went around stealing other people's boyfriends. This statement was not a m.o. but simply something that was useful to know.

Fastforward 10-12 years later and it's 2006.

Because we've grown up and been parts of serious (or semi-serious) relationships, I think it's fair to say that we have learned to appreciate and respect other people's relationships in a way that we couldn't have before and as such, we have learned to not use statements like that. As we have grown, our value system has shifted and all in all, I like to think that we are good people who care about other people's feelings.

I am someone who worries obsessively about the karmatic effect of my choices in my life and it is possible that the only reason why I am respectful of other people's relationships is that I wouldn't want someone to disrespect me or worse. But whatever the reason, under normal circumstances I am wholesomely good.

Most of my life I have been somewhat of a flirt. This has never been something I tried to be, but something that's innate in me. I have never really been able to control it but then again, it's never really caused any damage. The other day, one of my good friends decided to christen me "Annushka Flirtushka". Apparently, I flirt more than I know.

The other night, one of my best guy friends came over to take me out to dinner so that I could meet his new girlfriend. When we got to the restaurant, we ran into his business partner who I had not seen in a good 3-4 years and his new girlfriend. Holy hotness!

Because we knew each other since back in the day and we have a similar upbringing, we had a really nice time talking-all the while rabid girlfriend (apparently I make gfs go psycho) was grabbing onto him like her life depended on it. Perhaps it was the limited dating pool in this city, perhaps it was loneliness, perhaps it was boredom, or perhaps it was too easy. The fact of the matter is that I decided to steal that boyfriend.

I was on a mission. Then I got sick. Then the weirdest thing happened: I ran into the gf at the gym and all the while she was all defensive/territorial, it ocurred to me that all the energy she was putting into pushing me away would probably translate into a whole lot of grief were I to steal a guy I want around simply because he is a hottie.

So I felt terrible. I would have sent her a written apology but she doesn't have to know that I am guilty of having bad thoughts.

Anyway, days go by and temptation smacks me in the face again. This time it came to me in the shape of a married man. I know him and I like him. I don't know his wife but I know she exists. I got an indecent proposal that I rejected out of principle but I am not willing to end the friendship because we flirt.

I have always said that I am no homewrecker. For whatever reason I have always felt very strongly about committed relationships and because of it I think very little of women who go around breaking up happy homes. Last summer I had a 3 minute fling with a guy with a live-in girlfriend that left me feeling like a $2 whore and I promised myself never again.

But here we are. The temptation is there and even though I am not a home wrecker, and I am still stupidly in love with someone else I wonder what about that...

I wonder if by being aware of his feelings towards me and by remaining his friend and to a point encouraging him I am not being like one of those women I think so little of. I wonder if the topic came up because I am an easy target rather than out of genuine interest. I wonder if I can carry on with the friendship as is without clouding my better judgement.

I wonder if despite the fact that I think all the things I think and say all the things I say, would I still say no if the proposal came again?