I have a binder where I keep all of my recipes. This binder is organized by category (salads, appetizers, main dishes, side dishes, desserts and baked goods) and then, within each category, there are subcategories depending on the main ingredient and the temperature at which the dishes are served.
I do the same thing with my friends. In the binder of my life, my friends are organized by category. I have school friends, gym friends, wholesome friends, party friends, drinking friends, geek friends, music friends, traveling friends, old friends, new friends, best friends, real riends and fake friends. Some of them can fit in more than one category and usually that keeps them closer to me than if they were in just the one, but most people are in one category and their role in my life is pretty defined. Ocassionally I try to bring them all (or some) together but it's never something I expect to stick permanently.
Recently, I met some people who have brought a lot of anxiety to my life. I even had to create a new category for them: my uber-corrupt friends. Very few aspects of their personality and our relationship is wholesome and as such I try to keep them relegated to their category and leave it at that. When I feel saturated by them (which is often) I go with someone else, and I have made it a general rule to keep my private life and thoughts on things separated from them.
Unfortunately though, just because you don't want to share doesn't mean that they are not going to ask and when faced with a direct question one should always give a direct answer at the risk of having to hear the judgement calls and "advice" that was unsolicited to begin with.
A couple of days ago, I was having a few drinks with one of these people- though using the word friend here is an exaggeration. Lately, my inner nomad has been looking to come out again and I've not been myself. I keep thinking of ways to get out and when I am focusing on something I can think of nothing else. This friend asked me what's goign on. I said nothing. Then she became enlightened:
Friend: You know what you need? You need to have sex!
Me: Excuse me?
Friend: I know there is something wrong but you don't want to tell me so I'll just tell you that whatever could possibly be wrong with you, you can solve it with sex.
Me: How is that?
Friend: Well, if you are sad sex cheers you up, if you are depressed sex releases endorphines so you'll be happy, if you are pissed off sex is a good way to direct your energy, if you are bored it will give you something to do, if you feel fat it'll help you lose weight, it can help you get more money, and it works great with drugs. If you need an adventure, there is nothing more adventurous than sex with a stranger or someone who is taken, if you just want that change of scenery, have a couple of guys around for variety, and if what you need is motivation to stay here, find someone who is just THAT good...
After this disertation which extended far longer but I can't remember most of the especifics, I was left with a feeling of emotional discomfort that I can't really explain. At first I was like "well, the woman does have a point and all of this is true" but then I was like "what kind of values are these?" I am not the kind of person who would randomly pick someone up for a bootie call let alone the kind of person who would be willing to trade sex for entertainment or just something to do. Committed entertainment, maybe; but not just like that. That's not me.
Her way of life is not me.
This friendship is not for me.
I think I'd rather play monopoly.