Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Fashion Rocks Rants.

Last night was a night filled with music, press, and clothing. Last night was Fashion Rocks: The Hard Rock Cafe Store Spring Fashion Show. It was a cool concept. They took a handful of models and mixed them up with Dominican Rock and Roll Royalty, put them in a stage in the Colonial Zone while the DJ did his thing and played runway worthy Rock music. It was certainly not the pretty people, lights and house music extravaganza I'm used to seeing in other fashion shows here but nonetheless it was cool.

About the whole thing there were a few things that bothered me as a spectator, as a former event planner, and as a public relations person. Perhaps some of these things border on the shallow and obsessive but fashion is an extremely shallow industry so if they don't care, I certainly don't.

1. In the beginning of the fashion show, the MC went on and on about how Hard Rock Cafe was going to be a home for our local artists. At one point during the fashion show one of the "rockstar models" comes out with this sign thing that said "Support local rock". Very cool. Great message. It would have totally made sense had it not gotten lost in the sounds of Mick Jagger. If you are going to talk about having a "rock and roll" venue to be home to our local rockstars, then use those rockstars as more than hot bodies and play their music. Most important media outlets in the country were there. It would have been nice if they could have also written about the music, because frankly, everyone and their mother has already written about the Rolling Stones.

2. Models. If you are a rockstar, you are certainly not a model. How you work a runway is totally unimportant because your onstage charisma comes from something separate from looks. And we all know that not all musicians are good looking. If you are a model, on the other hand, YOUR JOB it is to look good. YOUR JOB is to make what you are wearing look good. YOUR JOB is to become what you are trying to sell. YOUR JOB is to make me want to go home and cry because I can't look like that in a mini skirt.

Some of the actual female models that were there yesterday, looked like they were having a hard time grasping the "rock and roll" concept. No makeup or hair could hide the fact that they are just not raw in that way and what's more, they didn't look ethnic enough to be representative of anything Santo Domingo. But such is a part of life. The thing that totally irked me though was "the muffin". Muffin Muffin Muffin EVERYWHERE! If you are a model and you get paid to model clothes you need to be thin as hell to wear, if you must go anorexic to pull off the look then do it. There is a reason why supermodels are cokeheads and I'm not advocating drug addiction or eating disorders but if you are a model, then be a model! I'm not a model and I diet if I am 1 pound over regular "Annush weight" and I spend hours and hours at the gym so that I don't have to worry about "the muffin". It's a simple concept. If you don't like it, then get a real job.

Also, if you are a female performer (and I say it like this because that wasn't a problem with the guys yesterday because most were pretty fit) and you get invited to model because you are famous or popular or whatever, I am sure that you were given enough notice to go on a diet if you have to. Singer/actress X was on the stage and she wasn't even trying to suck in her belly. As if it wasn't bad enough that her ass was too fat for that miniskirt. WOMAN! You are a public figure! The camera adds ten pounds! You do the math... same goes for the other one who at least was smart enough to stick to jeans.

3. Apparently there was some kind of contest to pick the designs for the Hard Rock t-shirts that were going to be displayed. I have been to plenty of Hard Rock Cafes in my time and frankly they all looked the same to me. As a matter of fact, one of the few that might have been original looking looked like it had been copied from a Roxy t-shirt. Supossedly there was one with an indian illustration. I like indian stuff. Too bad I didn't see it.

Since last night I've been saying that one of the designs should have been a fun looking chacabana (aka- guayabera) with the design embroidered somewhere. It doesnt' get anymore Dominican and hip than than. They should take it as a suggestion .

Last but not least, and this is something completely urelated, if you are going to serve hors d'oeuvres make sure that the waitstaff know what is beign served. Yesterday, I took an accidental bite of something we thought was tomato but had fish underneath. Luckily, that didn't do anything to me but could have just because the waitress didn't know what the heck she was serving.

And one last disclaimer: IF YOU ARE CARELESS AND CAUSE SOMEONE TO SPILL ALCOHOL ON MY BALENCIAGA SHOES, IN THE EVENT OF ANY PERMANENT DAMAGE YOU CAN COUNT ON HAVING TO GET ME NEW ONES. We learned that as children: you break it you bought it. So walk carefully.


gotbrains? said...

The muffin queen says, wow.. you're bitter. ;)

annush said...

bitter? nah...i just can't help myself.
and how are you the muffin queen? your clothes fit you properly...that in itself is the ultimate solution.

Odisea Burbujas said...

Ouch! Love the synopsis of this travesty! ... Snide, snarky, brilliant!