Monday, May 15, 2006

To the bravest person I know...

Sometimes I think about you and I can't help myself but wonder how you found the inner strength to become the person you are today. Really. I do. You and I grew up together in a very similar fashion and yet, it amazes me to even think about how different we are and how different the cards we were both dealt have been...

Years and years ago we found each other and in finding you I learned to be the person I am today. Yet loving you was easy but keeping you in my life was not. You were there for me, I was there for you. Then as it happened, life got in the way and I had to learn to live without everything good that you brought into my life. It was still there but like everything, it changed.

I have asked myself, what would I have done had I been in your position then? what would I do if I were in your position now? how would I face the world knowing that there is a mild statute of limitations as to what concerns me? what could I do to make myself feel better if that was me? and the one thing I have asked myself repeatedly: why was that not me?

Knowing me, I know that I wouldn't have come nearly as far along the way as you have. I know that I would have taken every ounce of self pity I could find and fed from it until there was nothing...

I have never felt sorry for you and I don't think that I will ever feel that way towards you because you have never fallen a victim of your circumstance but you have bravely faced it and tried to make the best with what you have. I can't imagine that anyone who has ever met you would look at you with pity or despite your...hmmm...attitude towards certain things, which I acknowledge because I share it, would not fall in love with you- limitations and all.

Love is a powerful thing and a strange thing all at the same time. I think that anyone who has ever experienced it can tell you that love will help you look past things that would normally catch your attention. Most importantly, love is giving. If because of love one could overlook a slap in the face (literally), one could certainly overlook a limp. And I'll tell you this, if love can make someone turn against everything they believe in for its sake, it can certainly make someone wheel their loved one down the aisle if need be.

People get confused about the little things in life. They think that love is somewhat proportional to how they perceive things to be. It could very well be true, but most times it isn't. Imagine this: You are 90 years old. Would a person who has always loved you quit loving you because your face is wrinkled and you need help walking? The body we have now is something that has been and will be with us for a very long time; but just like a car, after a while it won't run as good as it used to. And what's inside...that changes the most all the while it stays inert. You grow and feel and experience and the longer you live the more there is and at the end of the day, cheesy though it may sound, that's what's important.

I don't want you to sit there and get teary eyed over something that hasn't happened nor that it's written in stone that will happen. You need to believe what I have known all along: that you are special and braver than most of the people I have ever met, if not the bravest. The people in your life are good people who have loved you unconditionally for as long as you've known them and they have loved you not because your eyes are pretty or because you are an awesome cook but because of what's inside. And just like that, one day someone will come along- if he hasn't come along already-and if he needs to carry you down the aisle he will just like he will be there for you ready to give you your shot should you be unable to do so one day.

I love you with all my heart. And you, my friend, have earned my utmost respect.

Cheer up.

ana banana-head

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