Sunday, December 10, 2006

exhale...

I have always been one to worry. Despite my laissez faire facade, I tend to worry and obsess to an almost pathological level. It's really terrifying because a paranoid me, is not a pretty sight.

For a long time I was worried about stepping on Miami soil again. After my experience here in 2001, I avoided this place like the plague taking care in not even booking flights with Miami connections. I managed to go for a good 4 years without coming back. Then, of course, fate stepped in. I had to come back and I did so reluctantly and I don't know what it was about that spoonful of sugar I found along the way but I craved the Miami medicine every day since.

The problem with cravings is that more often than not they are bad for you and I was always convinced that I craved this but I obsessed over the fact that it was for the wrong reasons. I didn't want it to be for the wrong reason so I fought the world and then myself because I am okay with doing things out of stupidity but I am not okay of making an ass out of myself in the process.

My spoonful of sugar is no longer as sweet as it was. But the medicine is not nearly as bitter either. I was certain that no other sugar would ever be better than my spoonful of sugar, but it appears that it's proven to cause cancer in lab rats so even if it's still tasty, is not nearly as desirable.

I am happy to be here and I am relieved to know that I can do it on my own.

I feel like after 3 years I can finally exhale.

2 comments:

friend said...

huh? a bit to deep to understand.....

annush said...

oh friend...it's probably better that way.