Thursday, May 24, 2007

To my friend:

I know what I said and now I think that maybe I shouldn't have said it. Or at least not in that way.

I can only imagine how you must be feeling...

You were dealt a crappy hand and I wish I could help you fix it but I can't. I wish I could help you justify it to yourself but I can't do that either.

All I can say is that you did what you felt you HAD to do...and regrettable though it may be, at the time it's what you HAD to do and then did.

Life goes on though. Your life at least. And cutting it short is not an option just because you feel ashamed. People go through this all the time and people like us don't approve of it but it doesn't necessarily make it wrong...everyone is different and circumstances change.

I love you. A lot of people love you. It may not be what you need to hear. It may never be enough to replace what you purposely lost. It may not change things. But it's something that should be enough of a reason to make you want to live. It should make you want to be better so that next time you can be better.

It is easy to say "I would never" "Nobody should ever" "This is wrong". But nothing is ever easy even when you want it. When you are in a position to play the cards and do it well. I didn't realize this before and I am sorry if I caused you more anguish than you already felt.

I am sorry you had to go through this.

But like everything else, I hope this is a lesson learned and a reason to stay alive...because if nothing else, you have the rest of your life to be better than the person you were the other day.



Anonymous said...

find better ways to tell stuff to your "friend" , i.e., the telephone, email, fax, sticky notes, VM message, hire a plane with a banner attached to the back, drop flyers from a plane, write it on their bathroom mirror with spit so when they shower and it gets fogged up they can see it, play ouija with them and write it yourself on the board, wait until they fall asleep and whisper it in their ear (maybe they'll think it was god in their sleep), or just buy them a gift that simbolizes the point.

annush said...

who asked you anyways?

Anonymous said...

Un poco confundida con el proposito de tu post??? estas ofreciendo una disculpas a tu amiga o tratas de que se sienta peor y se termine de suicidar??..

Reda said...

ah anonymous cowards, why don't you tell her what you think upfront?

I will.

I don't know Annush, and you didn't asked me, but I think your friend is probably not feeling so good about your apologies... the picture and the "you have the rest of your life to be better than the person you were the other day" don't match very well with an apology.

Bueno, mis dos centavos de meticiĆ³n.

annush said...

I wasn't apologizing for anything. I just feel bad she found herself in that position.

I don't agree with what she did, and she should feel bad about it. AS pro-choice as I am, I am not okay with people going around being stupid so that then they can go and be stupid-ER.

She is suicidal now because she feels so incredibly ashamed of what she did. I love her like a sister and I don't want her dead and I'll support her actions even though I don't agree with them but more than that I firmly believe that she should live a long life if nothing else to make up for being the crappy person she was the other day.

I would do anything for a baby...even if it was an accidental baby...why was it her and not me?