and this is where it gets weird...
It gets weird when we get what we want but with caveats.
For two and a half years I've been praying for something like this to happen: a game change, an opportunity. I've asked (or prayed) for something in this way, color, shape or form to materialize....and it has...but I should have listened to my mom when she said "make sure that when you ask for something you are specific in regards to what you want..."
I wasn't specific enough.
I got half of my cake.
But the other half is driving me insane. Insane to the point that I don't know what to do.
I am nervous.
This is a game changer. This may be the door I've wanted open all this time. But it's not a door I can easily maintain open.
What if I don't make the right decision? What if my impulses won't let me see what's in front of my face? What if being cautious is wrong??
I celebrate myself and all I've accomplished. I celebrate who I want to be.
But I hate the me who is second guessing what she has right now.
...and the one who thinks there should be more.