Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Today was a good day.

"I lean against the wind, pretending I am weightless and at this moment I feel happy. I wish you were here"- Incubus: Wish you were here

Sometimes you sit there and talk to people and you find yourself caught up in a moment that you wish you could you put there in your book of memories so you can look back and think "damn! I had it so good!" That’s how I felt tonight. It was strange. Tonight I went to
Cosi with Kristhina, my oldest friend. Although tonight had been planned for about a week, I had absolutely no idea that there, with someone I’ve known for so longI would find myself in such a state of bliss just catching up. It was great. We talked about everything from what we had been doing since the last time we saw each other to what our plans for the future are and what the psychic says is coming (well, that was just me). I don’t think I ever felt so comfortable and free talking to another woman, and yet, at the end of the evening I understood why that was:
When our outing was over and we walked over to the subway, I saw us both each on opposite ends of the platform. I was about to take 6 train uptown to 86th streeat and she was taking the 6 train down to
Grand Central. Both of our trains came at the same time. It was then that I realized that even though we were going to different places we were taking the same train at the same time and we were leaving from the same place. That’s how our lives always have been, and I suspect they always will be; however, we are always looking for each other across the platform and we never let the other one get left behind.

When I was 12 years old I found a friend. Sometimes it has taken us a while to find our station. But at 25 I am grateful I have her.

"Nobody said it was easy, it’s such a shame we had to part. Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be this hard. Oh take me back to the stars."- Coldplay: The Scientist

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about He-who-must-not-be-named (not Lord Valdemort!), and after months of wishing that he would get ran over by a
UPS truck who would then proceed to hit reverse, I think that I am done mourning his loss. It took me a long while to come to terms with the idea that, at least for now, he is not a part of my life. But at least I finally got there. I mean, don’t get me wrong (God I hope he isn’t reading this!) I don’t think I’ll ever shake the feeling that I lost the best thing to ever happen to me; however, I know that there is nothing to be gained by living in a perpetual state of undeserved punishment. If it’s not working now, it’s probably because, at least for now, it’s simply not meant to be.

"Can’t think of anything to do, my left brain knows all love is fleeting. She is just looking for something new..."- The White Stripes: I Fell in Love With a Girl

So I have allowed myself to rejoin the rest of the single world and *gasp* started dating. Lately I’ve met some pretty interesting guys who are willing to take a chance on me (a few have been really convincing in their opening arguments), so who am I to think that I can pass up on such great opportunities just so I can continue to obsess over the one who got away? Exactly. Let the games begin.

"When I say out loud I wanna get out of this, I wonder, is there anything I am going to miss. I wonder how’s it going to be when you don’t know me?"- Third Eye Blind: How Is It Going To Be?

Recently I took a hiatus from a long term friendship that had some real meaning in my life. It was a college friendship in my adult life. Although I had been having issues with this friendship for a while (as was the other party involved) I always wondered what life would be like once this happened, because it was inevitable that it should. It really is possible for people to start looking at life from angles that simply don’t mesh well together!

Well, although the issue hasn’t really affected me as much as I expected it would, lately I’ve found myself wondering why I don’t miss more of it. Don’t get me wrong, I miss certain aspects that I would never consider replacing because it would feel like buying a cheap knock-off (which I would NEVER do), but on the most part I just feel like it was something that once was but it no longer is. I don’t feel sad, or mad, or even bad about it, I just feel somewhat numb.

I never really knew this, but you never stop loving someone just because you walk away. Although this is really aggravating for a number of reasons, I am glad I still fell the way I do. If someone was important to me for a minute of my life, they’ll continue to be important to me forever. At the end of the day, no matter what happens, this person can call me their friend.

"They say I’m crazy but I really don’t care. That’s my prerogative."-Britney Spears: My Prerogative

Recently someone who REFUSED to believe that I was as normal as the rest of humanity and who INSISTED on bashing me without knowing so much as my first name (damn internet people! Hahahaha), decided to befriend me. I think he was pleasantly surprised because after 30something e-mails his interest in conversation had peaked. Well, welcome to my life! May we be good to each other and may we ALWAYS keep our word.

That said, I think I wrote enough for tonight...I hope you got a kick out of the song lyrics.

Xox-
annush

2 comments:

Chokomokolatura said...

Sorry kiddo...you lost me at my Prerogative...

annush said...

I know it's really cheesy but that line just speaks to me. Don't worry though...I don't go around listening to Britney in my spare time!