Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Women acting like men.

Before I got sick last week, I had every intention of writing about a conversation I had with Carlos regarding an article that appeared on the NY Times 2 weeks ago about casual relationships.

To be completely honest, I didn’t write about it because I forgot; but today, while I was getting ready for work, I was listening to the morning show on Z100 and they were discussing the book “The Hook Up Handbook”.

I suddenly remembered what I felt I REALLY needed to say.

"The book's title and many of its guidelines ('Getting a room isn't just polite, it's a necessity') suggest that a new sexual revolution is afoot among a fast-and-loose generation nurtured on the wisdom of 'Sex and the City,' who see boyfriends as passe, dating as dated and the idea of commitment laughable."

Keeping in mind that I, like the authors, have also come of age in an era when decorous dating has ceded to the hookup, I think that the fact that this book even exists is a sign that the times we are living in are bringing about the demise of self respect and is proof that we are living in an era when we (women) are trying so hard to be equal to men that some of us have began to blur the lines and are adopting some of men’s worse characteristics.

I am not going to say that I have never hooked up because were I to say that I would be a big fat liar, but I think that there is a lot to be said about women who look to fill the emotional voids in their lives and their physical needs by having drunken trysts (if you can even call it that) with strangers. In all seriousness, I think that any woman (like the authors of the book for example) who has a motto such as “drink until he is cute” has SERIOUS issues.

Whatever happened to the days when you could play the field without necessarily swapping alcohol flavored spit with some random guy you met in some bar? I mean, I do read Cosmopolitan and I did read the article that said that something like 40% of relationships (don’t quote me on that) begin as a hook-up, but I think that I would be extremely reluctant to begin a relationship with someone who had groped my ass before they even knew my last name.

Not to mention, that in this day and age we are living in a world plagued by the AIDS epidemic among other not so fun STDs. You could argue that hook-ups don’t necessarily end in one night stands; however, it wouldn’t be the first time that a one night stand was preceded by a hook-up. This is where people get careless and stupid, and this is why women are the group that’s most affected by STDs.

I think that the examples of empowered women that the media portrays are accurate in some ways but idiotic in others. As cool and kick ass as Samantha Jones was, I hardly think she should be anyone’s role model in that aspect. Let’s all remember that this is someone who admitted in an episode that despite her promiscuity she had never been tested for STDs.

Female empowerment begins within and the moment you start disrespecting yourself all in the spirit of being more emancipated or free or whatever it is, then you’ve already lost the battle. I am not saying that we should live life by “The Rules”, but I do think that selectiveness pays off…and if we are looking at Samantha Jones as a role model we should also remember that her private persona once cost her the professional credibility she worked so hard to attain and all she could say to that was “if I was a man we wouldn’t be having this conversation”, and a double standard it was, but this is yet another example of a woman adopting a men’s worse characteristics.


Pia Talks said...

I totally agree. I once, only, forced myself to like somebody, and did after a half bottle of wine.
Hated him three weeks later.


K said...

Glad your memory finally peaked.

You've got some great points here. It's easy to blur those lines. I once swore I'd NEVER do such a thing but that rule went out the window a few years ago. Disrespecting your own personal values and 'rules' makes you feel a bit unworthy when something special finally comes along.

Samantha hit those notes when she dated Smith. Remember when she went upstairs with Richard for a fuck. Then Smith was sitting there waiting when the elevator doors opened. Killer moment. I'm still waiting for my Smith **tear**

Woman have enough insecurities to deal with each day, we shouldn't continue to beat ourselves up over decisions we've made in the past. It's just easier said than done...

Chelle said...

Soooooooo Right.

Self respect is utmost important, and men will treat you according to how much you value your own self. Anyway, our time is too valuable to go wasting it with just anyone. And any man who values himself and you would not attempt beginning something serious in such manner.

mrsmogul said...

I admit I used to hook up, but only when I wanted to and didn;t expect nothing. It depends on each person. I do prefer the chivalry, and the old fashioned part of me doesn;t believe in living together before marriage. Why milk the cow when you can get the milk for free? Is what I describe of the men who cannot commit.

Edwin R. said...

I agree with Chelle... and whatever you say :P and whatever any other female here says... :P

PS... You need a man! hehe :)
Un Beso Y Un Abrazo!

Las Chicas de Bonches Sociales said...

Hi, nice article. I enjoyed reading it!!Who really wants to have a total stranger in their bed anyway. And yes, what about the STD's and AIDS? We could never assure ourselves that even who we choose as our partner is free of all sins but we can try to think so.
Drinking until you can go home with him? Wow!!! That's not a good hook up in my opinion. Also it's true that women have lots to deal with than to now begin to deal with random hook ups that only leave you with lots of unanswered questions and the consequences!

ducklet said...

god. i shouldn't admit this, but i had no idea who samantha jones was. i googled it. i should know pop culture way better than i do.

Gabemaster said...

Annush you are completely right I really could not agree with you more. The sex and the city phenomenon made women think that to bang some guy the same night she met him at a bar and the next day disapear or never call him back is leveling the playing field. When is completely the opposite. I realized it as soon as I paid attention to that show. That's why i LOVED IT! But please come on Annush, I know you want to help your girls with some truthful and logical advice. But don't do this, you are ruining it for us guys!!

(Now, I'm going to betray my kind by giving you a peak into our head. And I know every other guy who sees this will deny that it is this way with them but that will just be B.S.)

The scenario I described above is the most ideal scenario for a guy and I knew smart women like you wouldn't fall for it but don't spread that around. Now The truth of the matter is if we guys go to a bar or club or a party(unless is a family party),we are there with the MISSION of getting some PUN-TANG, plain and simple. The hell with relationship or something serious we don't look for that. The pun-tang may come a few days later after meeting and getting to first, second or third base. But ideally for us, is to get that BOOTy! that same night and go to FUNKYTOWN with it. And the next day ....GET DA F**** out of here!! what the hell are you still doing in my bed after I opened my eyes?!!! Of course we don't say that we pretend we are very much interested and exchange numbers giving them the rejection line number.

Now, we LOVE the hook-ups for the simple fact that without it getting PUN-TANG would be too freaking expensive.!! Taking you out on dates is not cheap, the guy is always expected to pay and when the girl says she wants to, he still has to insist a little just to give the impression that he is a gentleman. Sometimes guys get lucky with that but most of the times girls go: well if you insist... and we get hit with over a hundred bucks on dinner and a movie just so at the end of the night we take her back home just to get a kiss on the cheek and a "call me so we can do this again next week" and a closed door. (Da F*** outa here, I want my Money BACK!) Meanwhile all we want is just to HIT that booty hard!!. Next thing you know getting that ass takes a good number of dates and instead this hunt to end a period of horniness has now transformed into an investment. Meaning that with all the time and money we put into getting this PUNANY we are sure as hell not gonna get rid of it right away, we have to rip off our dividends out of it for a while. And thats how we get tricked into a..........relationship, when all we wanted was to get some ass and be on our way.
That is why we LOVE hook ups. They are straight, to the point and cheap(the cost of drinks, munchies and a cab at the most.) And dont call me unless you want to simply bang again. If we get that, we are thanking the lord for what a wonderful life it is.

Sex and the city made it okay for the career woman to want to have those hook-ups and pretend that is leveling the playng field and getting back at us, when in reality is just having women do exactly what men always wanted: Use you for sex the night we are horny.

Now girls, please forget everything I just said, and looong live the hook ups!!! ;)

Big Kiss Annush!!

Robert_M said...

Why am I just now reading your blog for the first time? I've been missing out...I'll try and keep up now : )