While I was sick and then during the following week, I managed to accomplish something I didn't think was possible: I lost 11 pounds. Though for most people this would be something to be happy about, for me it's not. I don't fit in my clothes and in the past week I've found that the only place where I can find clothes my size is Gap Kids.
For my upcoming trip, I need an evening gown and since none of my dresses fit, I decided to go shopping. Well, I don't know where Mary Kate shops, but I found nothing. So in my desperation, I decided to call my cousin Niurka who is at 100 pounds, probably the thinnest healthy person I have ever met.
This is how the conversation went:
Ana: Hey Niurka!...I need a dress.
Niurka: Go shopping.
Ana: I tried! While I was sick I lost all this weight and now I can't find clothes that fit me, and then the one dress I found that I might have been able to wear, highlighted every visible bone in my body!
Niurka: But I'm sure you have really sexy bones! Anyway, have you tried drinking Ensure?
Ana: You sound like Kristhina...that tastes like crap. I'll stick to chocolate cake.
Niurka: You know what's the worse thing about losing weight? Your teeth look huge.
Ana: Speak for yourself. I have a huge head...my teeth look fine.
Niurka: Oh so now you look like a lollypop with teeth.
Ana: No, because in order to make my head look smaller, in true Jersey girl fashion, I put enough hairspray in my hair to make it look bigger that I probably caused a new hole in the ozone!
Niurka: Great, so now you look like a lollipop with teeth and an umbrella.
Gotta' love family...
After an hour of that, she gave me a name, phone number, and welcomed me into her world.
This fucking sucks.
4 comments:
I suggest you just go out and buy half a ton of chocoalte and eat the whole lot. Not all in one go, or you'll be sick all over again, of course. Just keep snacking until you get your 11 pounds back.
I was going to suggest beer and french fries but you don't drink so just french fries might do it... smothered in lots and lots of cheese (that'll get you 11 pounds fast, though not entirely sure you'll feel too good)
Life's not fair I tell you. All I have to do is look at chocolate and I put on three pounds. Looks like you'll have to wait till menopause sweetie, that'll load you up with excess chunk faster than anything else I've ever seen.
{off now to go crying in a corner somewhere}
Love the post though!
i have the same problem. it's so hard for me to consciously put on weight so i just gave up and accepted having the smallest size everything. my mom also suggested beer but i don't drink beer.
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