Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Chivalry? Huh?

As per Bracuta’s request, today I am supposed to at least TRY to write something funny. Apparently, my writings lately have gotten a little too serious for her taste. Blah! I am going to try it, but if it doesn’t work out, I AM SORRY! She made me do it.

About 9 months ago a friend of mine who was in Santo Domingo at the time, volunteered to drive me to the airport. He arrived at my mom’s place to find me all ready to go. We got on the elevator, went downstairs, and looked both ways before crossing the street. When there were no cars coming, I took my little red suitcase and dragged it across the pavement to the middle of the road where I was abruptly held back.

There was a pothole about the size of a tire smack in the middle of the street.

Me: what?
Him: Do you need help?
Me: with what?
Him: crossing over the pothole…
Me: I was planning to go around it
Him: But I can help you cross over it
Me: But I can do it myself, see?
…and I effortlessly stepped over the pothole only to look back at him and see him look all kinds of confused.

Hmmmm…anyway, when we finished crossing what was left of the street, we arrived at the car he had rented. It was a SUV. It wasn’t a particular large SUV, but I guess that big things make me look smaller in comparison. When we got to the car, he took my bag and placed it in the trunk, and then he proceeded to go open my door. As I was about to step inside the vehicle, he gave me his hand. I thought he was being cute so I slapped it.

Him: *smiling* take my hand?
Me: I can’t exactly hold your hand and get in the car at the same time…
Him: what?
Me: what What?
Him: I’m trying to help you get in the car
Me: But I can do it myself, see?
…and once again, I effortlessly hopped up into the passenger seat all proud of my mini accomplishment when I saw him look at me like I had stolen his ice cream.

Fastforward about a week later, and I am back in NY walking down Lexington Ave. with another friend. I don’t remember where we were going, but I do remember him almost physically pulling me to the inside of the sidewalk.

Me: What are you doing?
Him: Being on the outside of the sidewalk
Me: Why?
Him: Because I am supposed to
Me: Why?
Him: To protect you from the horses and the water and stuff
Me: Do you see any horses anywhere?!?
…and without much thought I walked around him to stand on the outside only to see him a little distressed.

Then a month ago I was doing a site inspection with my boss. As we were about to cross Park Avenue, boss man comes and grabs me by my upper arm.

Me: What are you doing?
Him: What do you mean?
Me: Must you squeeze my arm while we walk?
Him: I am not squeezing your arm. I am just making sure that you don’t fall or anything.
Me: Do I look drunk to you?
…and I pulled away and continued walking not knowing that I had just hurt a middle aged man’s feelings.

I am too much of a tomboy to be a female. I suck. I want a chivalrous man, and I can’t recognize chivalry even when it hits me in the head.

In an effort to remedy this situation, while I was in Europe with the family, my current step father, who is normally pretty chivalrous, decided to step it up a notch and make it all chivalry all the time.

*after 3 days of it*
Me: You are getting on my nerves.
Him: Why?
Me: Do I look completely useless to you?
Him: What?
Me: I can handle it. Stop crowding me!
…and I walked out thinking that self sufficiency is best and that chivalry is over rated. Then I turned to see a knight with no distressed damsel to save.

So that night, I asked him to join me for a drink and I did the only thing I could think of doing that could help him feel better, I allowed him to do the only chivalrous act I can actually recognize: I let him pay the bill.


Tank said...

Chivalry isn't dead... people keep trying to beat it there. Opening doors, helping out with the heavier things, pulling the car up to the entrance when its raining instead of walking in the gunk are things I don't mind doing.

There's a fine balance between chivalry and obsessing about it... I hope I give my sweety enough space (and I think I am).

Bracuta said...

Potholes??? In santo Domingo??? Nooo????
I love chivalrious men! I wish all the gentlemen from Santiago would surround me every once in a while.
I don't think chivalry only has to come from men. Girls can be chivalrious as well. And there is nothing wrong with being nice to others or helping friends crossing the street or paying bills or carrying stuff...
Is there any man out there who would like to help me cross the street, carry heavy stuff and pay all of my bills????
(All this talk about chivalry has made me think about Chivas Regal... there goes my thinking train once more...)
Good attempt... it was actually kind of funny.. ;-p

Elijah said...

To hell with the chivalry, go for the paying all the bills thing.
But chivalry comes naturally with someone like you...: ]

dan said...

That gut sounds too much like Nigel Havers.

annush said...

ummm...dan, who is nigel havers?


I’ve been trying to find the proper way to ask your nationality. That is a question that I do not like to ask, normally I just look in the profile or read some of the post in order to find out the nationality. I have fail, I still have not been able to decipher where your roots are based.

annush said...

hmmmm...the proper way would be to write me an email and ask me directly. That's painless enough.

In any case, since you managed to leave a comment but still didn't ask me, I'll let you keep torturing yourself over useless information :P

mrsmogul said...

Aww Poor step father!

Anonymous said...

wow...where have the simple girls gone?

miss e. said...

haha! have you ever had a male chilean friend? THEY do EVERYTHING for you - i was visiting one in concepcion and i had to get a bus ticket. he insisted on talking to the person at the ticket booth for me. he also couldn't believe that i had traveled ALONE on a bus from argentina to chile (he said, lo veo altamente peligroso una mujer andar sola en bus) but i figure, hey, if they want to be all chivalrous, let 'em; all the while i keep a smirk on my face knowing i can do it myself thinking of the other girls accustomed to this behavior who probably couldn't be as independent as i could.

Sammy said...

Yeah, it's easy to let a man be chivalrous when it involves him buying me something too.

mw said...

I wonder where all the chilvalrous men were when I was 5 months pregnant and had to stand for 2 hours on an overcrowded bus while 17 year old boys sat in a fully reclined position.

Matt C said...

Chivalry isnt' dead, but its getting there.

Rhein said...

the revival of chivalry, my new cause:).