Thursday, July 21, 2005

Why can't we be friends?

Yes, I said it's fine before
I don't think so no more
I said it's fine before
I've changed my mind
I take it back
Erase and rewind
'cause I've been changing my mind

Sometimes, unexpectedly, some really great things happen. It happened to me that a while back, during a time when I was most vulnerable, I met someone who I thought was pretty great. My appreciation for this person was never romantic, or fanciful. I just REALLY enjoyed their company and it seemed like they enjoyed mine as well.

So we hung out and kept in touch quite a bit and I thought I had a new friend.

On a day like any other, we got together for a drink. One drink turned into four, five, or six and next thing I knew we were smooching somewhere. Now, bear in mind that I do not believe in random hook ups anymore. As far as I’m concerned that’s wrong. Five minutes into it, it dawns on me that I’m smooching with someone I shouldn’t be for a variety of reasons and that I don’t want a part of it anymore. Nothing about this was right. So everything stopped and just as it started everything was over.

One of the things I’ve never liked about hook-ups and one night stands is what I call “the morning after effect”. No matter how little or how well you know the person, you can never really predict what will happen the next day. Because of this very reason, I have a VERY strict policy of not dating friends. As far as I’m concerned, it’s easier to turn a former flame into a friend, than try to save a friendship after a relationship has gone sour. I tend to get really attached to people I care about, for me the friendship is paramount.

The next day, it was weird. I didn’t want it to be and wanted to go on as if nothing had ever happened so I acted as if nothing had ever happened; however, somewhere along the line I became some kind of an ideal in this person’s mind and the whole thing freaked me out. Without any warning, someone who hardly even knew me trusted me with their happiness and I didn’t want that kind of responsibility. I said that I wanted to be friends and asked for some space to let things cool off because I didn’t want to cowardly run. I wanted this friendship. At the time, it seemed like the right thing to do. Now I realize that maybe it wasn’t.

To want to be friends with someone who has a different idea or high expectations from you is like trying to lose weight on a milk and cookies diet. My reluctance to make myself emotionally available as a friend the way I normally would, all it did was create a situation where I now find myself with an acquaintance who doesn’t seem to care much about my feelings and who may or may not be bitter about the way things went down (I haven’t been able to figure that out).

I don’t have much patience for bullshit so I am not going to put up with nonsense from anyone. At the same time though, I think about the time when everything was the way it should have been (completely platonic) and miss it. I feel like I allowed for our friendship to get completely screwed up even though I don't think that's really my fault. It really wasn’t supposed to be this way. If only we could start over...


Libélula said...

Shit, life would be sooo much easier if we could just turn back time, right? Unfortunately we can’t.

Sweetie, even though it’s very, very hard to “Erase & Rewind” after we’ve crossed that “line” with a friend, it’s not impossible.

Time will tell. If you guys were meant to be friends, real friends, then you’ve got nothing to worry about. Everything will fall into place…you just gotta give it a little time…

Mona Buonanotte said...

I second that. I've found that when a 'friend' and I crossed the line into the smooching area, and one of us broke it off, after a while we'd find each other again and be able to laugh and chat and (yes) even flirt a bit. But cautiously, and as 'friends' again. Relationships are always in flux, oddly enough. Good luck, hon!

AVA said...

Things aren't that simple. We can never turn back time, so since turning back time would be the only way to fix your friendship what you need to do right now is split from that friendship, draw a line at least for a while and everything will fall into place.
It must be awful to be rejected by someone, but I think being the one that has to reject someone is the hardest thing.

Grant said...

I think you have too many inconvenient morals. Just sleep with everybody and then toss them away like so much leftover Chinese food.

Okay, technically that's rotten advice, but as a guy I'm on a permanent mission to make you ladies more accessible. :p

WonderCorky said...

weren't you just schmeckin?

if you were just doing a little tonsil tanglin then what's the big deal?

I think that unless there is nudity involved then you should be fine.... now.. once he's seen you naked.. well... then he's going to be fixated on 'one thing' and when a guy gets fixated he ain't goina be happy until he gets if fix ated.

all guys need to have their fix ated. I would hire him a hooker and let her take care of it and send a note along that says 'can't we all just get along'.

I mean.. if a hooker showed up at my door to fix my 'ated with a note from you saying I'd rather be friends than lovers. I'd be good wit dat.

I think a hooker can cure a lot of ills. (or is it a hooker can give you a lot of ills?)

I know its one or the other



midwest_hick said...

Give it time....who knows what will happen.

Anonymous said...

Well it always happens, guys usually become your friend in hopes that one day they will become something other. I like you DO NOT date friends,but unfortunately I've had 2 male friends who I thought the world of and as they spent time talking to me via phone or hanging out with me became so emotionally attached that I had to cut them off and terminate the friendship altogether. To this day i miss them both terribly and I wish we could have that friendship back, but the smallest amount of contact i make will be perceived as a regret on my behalf for not allowing our friendship to become something else.