Monday, August 01, 2005

Not "baby" anymore.

When I was about 13 my brother Ivan brought home a friend.

J was the quintessential all American boy: he was smart, athletic, good looking, charming and cool. Boys wanted to be him and girls wanted to be with him. There was nothing about him that couldn’t be seen in a positive light.

Ivan and J were very close. They went to school together, played football together, and hung out together. Needless to say, he spent plenty of time in our house; the house where I also lived. It wasn’t very long before J had become a part of the circle of friends that Ivan and I shared and slowly but surely J and I begun to really like each other.

For about a year and a half, maybe two years, J and I liked each other privately. We would go out with our friends and hold hands when nobody was looking, while eating we would play footsie, we would tell each other stupid jokes, and when it was time to say good bye we would hug for longer than necessary.

When we were about 15, J and I hooked up.

J was my first real everything. I thought that I was the luckiest person ever because I had fallen in love with my friend. It was beautiful. Everything about us made sense, even the things that didn’t. That time of my life was priceless.

After a while though, we began to have serious problems. The fact that I moved a lot wasn’t helpful, and neither was the fact that keeping our relationship a secret had turned into a real hell. A little after two years after our relationship started, it came to a bitter end. Things between us ended so badly that I looked at the move that came shortly thereafter as my salvation.

I didn’t see him again until 1998 when I ran into him at
Garden State Plaza. Unbeknownst to me, he was out shopping with my brother so we got to all sit down and have lunch together like the old days. But these were no old days. I was sitting across from a guy who got better and better looking as the days went by. And I still loved him. But we were over. I thought I’d never get over him.

That was the last time I saw J until last Saturday.

To get to Randalls Island for the
DMB show, we had to take the express bus in Harlem. As I was standing by the subway steps, I looked up and recognized those blue eyes that looked at me for so long. He was standing right next to me.

I was shocked.

Before I knew it, I was like:

Me: J?
Him: yeah?
Me: J *insert last name here*?
Him: yeah? *looking at me all puzzled*
Me: OMG! It’s me, Ana!
Him: *no longer looking puzzled. Now shocked* OMG! How long has it been?
Me: I don’t know…7 or 8 years?

That was the beginning of our 2 minute exchange. As we talked, I examined the features I knew so well only to find that life didn’t seem to have been so kind to him. He had changed and the only thing within him that I could recognize was those eyes and that stare. He seemed to have felt the same way. For those 2 minutes we were almost like strangers.

I never thought that I would stop loving him. But I did. I got over him.


"Only kisses on the cheek from now on
And in a little while, we'll only have to wave"
-Love Ridden: Fiona Apple

13 comments:

Bracuta said...

Maybe back then you saw him under a different light.
People change, but sometimes not for the better.
Aren't you happy you didn't end up together now that you're hot and he's not (that was sooo shallow of me!)?

Walter said...

You're sounding older, wiser, and more in control of yourself. You GO GERL!

Odisea Burbujas said...

WOW! That was a hot story ... I'm waiting to have that moment with my first boyfried ... God I loved him ... I hope he falls off his precious penthouse. JK!

But I can't wait to have that sense of closure that you seem to have gotten out of this encounter. Congrats Chica!

Odisea Burbujas said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Chokomokolatura said...

liked the post..and the snippet to close it all off...brilliant!

val said...

woah ana, this is really great.
exactly what's happening to me... don't feel ashamed about that comment, i know ill be alright.. in time.
i guess it's hard to get over, cause, after all .. he was my best friend before he was my 'lover'.

Vince said...

Nothing beats realizing you are over the person you never thought you'd be over.

Cindy St. Onge said...

First of all, I love that whole CD, "Whe the Pawn..." by Fiona Apple, and "Love Ridden" is one of my favorite songs from it. I know people who can relate personally to those lyrics. Scary

Secondly, I know people change as the years go by, but I was surprised that there didn't seem to be any chemistry left, and well, a little sad.

People do move on I suppose. But highschool sweethearts sometimes end up together after decades apart. You never know.

God I make myself sick.

El chico del apto 512 said...

If the feeling grows you are always welcome to come listen to Selena with me. We can also make out if you want.

henry siteber said...

Sometimes we carry a torch for years, maybe not because of the way things were, but because of how they ended. Then one day you realize all you needed was closure. I have a few closures I could use.

dan said...

Time has a funny way of changing people like you'd never expect.

chili said...

I like ese tipo de closure, when there's nothing more to say or to do. When you feel free of a person, specially when u've been waiting so long for it to happen...

quico said...

I love the way you set up the story.
Nice development...
lol