Thursday, September 15, 2005

I wish it was Sunday...

This is the end beautiful friend
This is the end my only friend
the end
-The End by The Doors

This morning I overslept and as a result I was running late for my last day of work. Not only was I running late, but 15 minutes before I was supposed to be on my way I realized that 50% of my work clothes are at the dry cleaners and the other 50% are still sitting in my couch unironed.

That had NEVER happened to me.

So what did I do? I said screw it. Today I showed up to work wearing khaki cargo pants, a red tank top and sneakers. I also showed up 15 minutes late as I wasn't about to give up my latte for the sake of punctuality. Though I was slightly paranoid about the possibility of getting in trouble, it occurred to me that the worse that can happen is that they fire me but I already quit.

Nobody said anything.

Last night I was hanging out with my friend Phillip. He came over to my place to catch up like we do every so often. During our conversation my own nervousness and uncertainty about the future manifested itself by me babbling on forever and ever about nothing and everything. I felt like I had to justify why I'm not not nearly as crazy about New York as I once was and it was killing me. Then, in what seemed like a burst of wisdom that came accompanied by angel's singing and flashes of light, he just said that if I'm not feeling it I should let it go.

A reminder of my own mantra.

So today begins my extended vacation. The next three and a half months are going to be for me and for me alone. In the beginning of next week I'm going to start putting my stuff in storage and my detachment from this city shall begin. I promised myself that I wouldn't make any life-changing decisions until at least mid-November when I will know for sure whether or not I'll be starting graduate school this January, but deep down in my heart I know that I want to find a place where I can build a home for myself already and here ain't it.

So much to worry about!

Sometimes I wish I was one of those really simple people who are okay wherever they are and are totally content with what they have and don't ever wonder what else is there. It is true, in ignorance there is bliss.

I think I need therapy.

14 comments:

KARAKALA said...

Miss Lady you will be just fine. Take your vacation and relax. Sit back and meditate on your future because the world is yours.

And don't worry, soon you will settle down. You will have a family and everything you desire. But before that comes enjoy tu juventud.

Be safe... and good luck.

Libélula said...

I think it was Byron that said: "Sorrow is knowledge"...Yeah, I'd rather hurt. (You know you do too) ;)

Pirate said...

Life changing. Annush becomes a dye in the wool Republican? Or takes up a new paper route?

Joins a dislocated Cuban cigar rollers society and avows to avenge the death of Che smoke 'm if you gottem comrades brigade.

Takes up the free turkey's movement that is sweepeing the southwest.

Decides its time to concentrate on her real talent, writing and pounds put her first of many top selling novels, or self-help books and travels the globe doing book signings and making her minions bait her hook.

Good luck..

Rachel said...

I don't believe that people like that exist no match how much we convince ourselves that they do.

But you are an amazing woman and I know that you will be fine no matter what you decide to do.

Grant said...

You need good drugs and bad sex. Call it therapy if it makes it more palatable.

Enjoy the next phase of your life. Remember that I'll always be here to dispense advice should you get stuck.

schuey said...

"I think I need therapy."

Or just find your haven.

Weary Hag said...

Oh hell, I thought THIS was therapy.

New York isn't always an easy place to be. Lots of visual and aural stimulation around you every waking moment; which can lead to pressure in places you just don't need it sometimes.

Take your vacation and revel in the fact that you, unsure of where you really want to be and what you really want to be doing, are part of the 90% of the people in this world who feel exactly the same way.

The other day, SJ and I were both bummed, and with no real reason. We started talking and the first thing she told me was that she wasn't sure what she wanted to "do" with her life. I told her I was just going to say the same thing. What's wrong with this picture? She's 19 and I'm 50.

Welcome aboard.

mw said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
mw said...

I think when you stop wondering what else there is to be had, a little piece of you dies. Keep chasing your dreams, annush!

Jonas said...

Satisfied Mind
(By Rhodes & Hayes)(Starrite Music)

How many times have you heard someone say
"If I had his money, I could do things my way?"
Little they know that it's so hard to find
One rich man in ten with a satisfied mind.

Once I was waitin' for fortune and fame
Everything that I dreamed for to get a start in life's game
Suddenly it happened, I lost every dime
But I'm richer by far with a satisfied mind

Money can't buy back your youth when you're old
Or a friend when you're lonely, or a love that's grown cold
The wealthiest person is a pauper at times
Compared to the man with a satisfied mind

When my life is ended, my time has run out
My trials and my loved ones, I'll leave them no doubt
But one thing's for certain, when it comes my time
I'll leave this old world with a satisfied mind
I'll leave this old world with a satisfied mind


I know you're uneasy about life right now, but a good vacation should bring you back to joy in this universe.

Walter said...

"Sometimes I wish I was one of those really simple people who are okay wherever they are and are totally content with what they have and don't ever wonder what else is there...,"

When I was younger I wanted to try and live the life of a transient hobo, but I chickened out.

Robert_M said...

keep us posted

Rob 3:16 said...

hey there's Always Jersey ;)

midwest_hick said...

Well....you're young.....you have time to figure this stuff out....good luck!!