This is the end beautiful friend
This is the end my only friend
-The End by The Doors
This morning I overslept and as a result I was running late for my last day of work. Not only was I running late, but 15 minutes before I was supposed to be on my way I realized that 50% of my work clothes are at the dry cleaners and the other 50% are still sitting in my couch unironed.
That had NEVER happened to me.
So what did I do? I said screw it. Today I showed up to work wearing khaki cargo pants, a red tank top and sneakers. I also showed up 15 minutes late as I wasn't about to give up my latte for the sake of punctuality. Though I was slightly paranoid about the possibility of getting in trouble, it occurred to me that the worse that can happen is that they fire me but I already quit.
Nobody said anything.
Last night I was hanging out with my friend Phillip. He came over to my place to catch up like we do every so often. During our conversation my own nervousness and uncertainty about the future manifested itself by me babbling on forever and ever about nothing and everything. I felt like I had to justify why I'm not not nearly as crazy about New York as I once was and it was killing me. Then, in what seemed like a burst of wisdom that came accompanied by angel's singing and flashes of light, he just said that if I'm not feeling it I should let it go.
A reminder of my own mantra.
So today begins my extended vacation. The next three and a half months are going to be for me and for me alone. In the beginning of next week I'm going to start putting my stuff in storage and my detachment from this city shall begin. I promised myself that I wouldn't make any life-changing decisions until at least mid-November when I will know for sure whether or not I'll be starting graduate school this January, but deep down in my heart I know that I want to find a place where I can build a home for myself already and here ain't it.
So much to worry about!
Sometimes I wish I was one of those really simple people who are okay wherever they are and are totally content with what they have and don't ever wonder what else is there. It is true, in ignorance there is bliss.
I think I need therapy.