Almost traditional...

I have always said that if I ever get married I am going to be a housewife. This has always been a funny thing for me to say seeing how I have so many issues with the word marriage; however, better to plan for the unexpected I always say!

Anyway...so yes...I want to be a housewife. I'll make my home my business and that will be the end of that. Everything will run smoothly: the food will be good, everything will be clean, the bills will be paid, and there will always be flowers. My whole life I've watched my mom and other equally successful mothers delegate over the phone and then get pissed off when things aren't done right; so rather than have to go through that, I'll delegate in person. (you didn't actually think I would do EVERYTHING myself, did you?)

In my mind this always seemed easy enough that it isn't stressful but challenging enough that will keep me amused. But lately I've realized that this whole "housewife business" is hard stuff...
I've been staying Chez Mama for the past couple of weeks; however, mama has been away for a good portion of this time doing her work stuff. As usual, our house has been running smoothly and my only responsability has been to scream if lunch isn't on the table by 12:30pm (my mom has this thing about everyone eating together), and yell at the pool guy if the pool is dirty.

Yesterday, Candida- the housekeeper- came to me to tell me that we were out of meats (except for chicken) and that there was some issue with our cable that I had to resolve. I didn't see how that was my problem seeing how I neither eat meat, nor watch TV but apparently it was/is...

Me: "whaaaaaaaaaat?? I am on vacation...go talk to Ivan"
Candida: Well, Ana your mother isn't here. When your mother isn't here, you are the lady of the house.
Me: the what?
Candida: someone has to delegate!
Me: who? what? me? why? that's what we pay YOU for!
Candida: Ay Anita! it's all you...you are the lady of the house!
Me: *sigh* okay...

It is a huge responsability to try to fill my mother's shoes so I've been taking this task very seriously and I've been practicing...yesterday afternoon, I lectured the laundry lady on how to properly wash whites and press delicates, last night I made sure all the plants were watered and that all 5 dogs were brushed. This morning I woke up early and made my grocery list, went to the supermarket and harassed the meat guy until he let me inside the meat freezer so I could pick the freshest meats (I am a supermarket baby...I know how it works). After I came home I made the lunch menu and made sure that everyone's nutritional needs and preferences were taken into account. I also resolved the "salt issue".

I've been chasing people around the house with coasters, I've placed ashtrays in every sitting room in this house because if not they'll use candle holders as such ("they" used to be "we" but I'm the boss now). I think that our cleaning lady whatever-her-name is hates me because I've made her clean places I don't think she thought were meant to be cleaned and I called the floor polishing guy because the floor just isn't shiny enough and I don't even want to think that it is because it's not being mopped properly.

People underestimate housewives who delegate but the thing is that before you can delegate ANYTHING you have to know how to do it yourself so you'll know whether or not it's been done properly or teach someone how to do it in the event of an emergency. In that way, though I've never HAD to do much housework, I have learned how to do everything myself.

I am taking this new task quite seriously...call it adventure #2 is you will...hell, I think that my inner grandma, she who only comes out when I am in the process of moving or my apartment is a mess, has come out again and is trying to take over the happy go lucky existance of Ana. This is fun though...

I'll just be pissed when my mom comes back and takes over again :P