Wednesday, October 19, 2005


Yesterday I admitted in writing to the the world that if I ever get married I would want to be a housewife. Apparently this decision would have such a profound effect on world peace, poverty, the Ozone layer and TomKat's baby that everyone has felt the need to express THEIR dissatisfaction with what's ultimately MY decision.

Since when is being a housewife or a stay at home mom a bad decision?

Since when is having traditional values a waste of education?

Since when does putting family above work a bad decision?

Let me tell you a little story...

My mom has been on the work-force for as long as I can remember. She has somehow been able to take care of business, her family, and her home simultaneously. I applaud the way she has done it, but I am the first to admit that she has had tons of help. Growing up we had a grandma, nannies and housekeepers and drivers. I can't complain of the way I was raised because all things being considered as she was self-employed she was around more than your average working mother; however, I think back on certain times and I remember that there were days when she left for work before we left for school and was home after we were in bed.

I think that her drive may have cost her at least one or two marriages.

I wonder what it would be like if she had taken a more active role in our lives aside from delegating.

I don't judge her though. I never have. everyone is different and I know that she may not have survived the whole housewife spiel. We each do what is our calling to do and the trick is not biting off more than you can chew.

I grew up knowing what is like to have a working mom, I've grown up with ambition and curiosity and the desire to do things. But above all things, I desire to do things well and in my extremely perfectionist book, I can't do things half way and I won't.

For me, family has always come first and if one day someone manges to sweet talk me into getting married I will put the same care into that institution I willing went into as I did when I was living for/by myself. For me calling home and asking "what's for dinner?" is not an option. It's also not an option for me to have a child and let someone else raise it if I can do it myself.

All that money my parents spent on education will be better spent if I use it to raise a well rounded child than selling it to the highest bidder in corporate America. People like to bitch and whine about how children now a days are so disrespectful, and arrogant and this and that and the other but they never stop to think that this is what you get when you let a child be raised by the TV or a 12 year old babysitter.

My whole life I've been the first one to demand equal treatment (in regards to gender) in school, at home and even at work. I don't know how or when it became "anti-feminist" and even "anti-woman" to choose to run your home. Hell, the way I look at it a home is like a corporation. I'm choosing to be the CEO whereas I'm giving Prince Charming the title of CFO.

NOBODY should be judging me for wanting what I want and what's more, we should show a little respect to those stay at home moms out there. More than our sympathy they deserve our respect just as much if not more than the CEOs of corporations out there who climb up the corporate ladder sometimes at the cost of what I think are the truly important things in life.


_android[ette] said...

_In the words of my amazing friend [omitted to protect her privacy]: "Feminism is about choice. It's giving me the choice to wear makeup, short skirts, and high heels -- or not. It's giving me the choice to either have a fabulous career or be a stay-at-home mom, both equally commendable[...]"

& this is exactly what it is, a choice to do whatever it is that works for you; instead of conforming to what society expects of you.

lccb144 said...

I'm all about equal opportunity staying-at-home situations. A man who is willing to stay at home and take care of the kids is my kind of man, because staying at home is not my gift. I'm with android[ette]... it's about the ability to make a choice not about what choice you make.

mw said...

Good for you. I highly agree with androidette. I consider myself a feminist and I stay at home to raise my daughter. My mom ran a daycare in my house growing up and I vowed that if I could, I would stay home. Even did a speech in college titled "Motherhood: the honorable occupation"

As for the waste of Education comment - That's baloney. Who better to benefit from it than my own daughter?

Joe Tornatore said...

first time visitor. if you can afford to do it and your husband is okay with it, i envy you.

Rachel said...

I don't claim to be much of a feminist but my mom stayed home with me and I think it made all the difference in the world. I fully intend to pass on to my children everything that she was able to teach me by just being around me all the time.
I applaud your decision.

Valkyrie said...

I agree with you completely. I think children would be much happier and well adjusted with at least one stay-at-home parent.

I know that being a wife, a mother, and a housekeeper are all full time jobs. It is my belief that choosing that kind of life is harder than a nine to fiver.

Weary Hag said...

Not only do I not blame you for this choice, but I commend you!

I wish I could have spent more quality time with SJ when she was very young, but in a strange twist of fate, I became ill for a time (not gravely, just ill enough to not go to work for a few years) and those were the absolute BEST years of our lives together. We still talk about all the little things we did together all the time.

My own mom was a stay at home mom (more popular back then) until I went into high school. I really think this gave me a truer sense of 'home' than my friends who were lock key kids, coming home day after day to nothingness and to no one.

Good for you - you're a smart cookie!

Grant said...

I always wanted to be a house husband. I would take care of the place, do the shopping and laundry and cooking (I do anyway) and have time to write during the day. The great thing about being a homemaker is that the quality of your work is under your control, not like in a corporate position where your contribution can be influenced or ruined by people you'll never meet.

vicpichardo said...

not only is that a sound emotional and educational choice, it can also be a sound financial choice. day care, house cleaning, transportation, etc adds up. i seem to remember reading in money or one of those mags that the average stay at home "person" (let's be correct here) saves about 40k a year. more than the average salary. imagine slaving for somebody else to have to farm out all your money to people less inclined to give their all.

Annina said...


The Assimilated Negro said...

well defended. though I can't believe you had to defend your desire to take care of your child and home.

if you make all the money in the world, presumably for your children/family, but they hate you because you're never around to love and support, then clearly you've missed the point of having a child.

That said, I just wrote about how raising a child perfectly can lead to them being bored and boring.

But I'd still take that over neglect.

Vince said...

Shit - I want it too.

Christine said...

Excellent post!

From a college educated woman who wrote in the third grade, "When I grow up, I want to be a Mommy."

grody jo-dee said...

i applaud your openness! i am a well-educated mom who had a very successful career. i chose to leave that to stay home with my daughter nearly 3 years ago. i have never regretted my decision and never looked back. who cares what anyone else thinks? i know i'm intelligent, i know i'm driven, and i know that my success is not defined by a "career path". i love every minute i get to spend with my daughter and wouldn't trade it for all the money or promotions in the world.

whitneydonkey said...

my husband stays home with our two kids. he is so great with them and they are great kids. I would have stayed home if it had worked out that way. you miss alot of cool stuff when you are at work.