Thursday, October 06, 2005

I found the lesson!

After yesterday's post I got an email or two commenting on how strict I can be when it comes to people.

At first I was somewhat offended over what seemed like a baseless assumption; however, after giving it some thought, this is probably true. I hold people to standards that they may never be able to meet and then as a result, people inevitably fail me.

The higher the pedestal the harder the fall.

Today I realized that these are probably my worse qualities: I am critical and judgmental.

On the upside, I make no secret of it. On the downside, it never seems like I am this way towards everybody (including myself) just "everyone else".

I always thought that it was a good thing that I give everyone the benefit of the doubt and give everyone a score of 10 (unless I just don't like them) upon first meeting. Although I am of the belief that it is better to be pleasantly surprised than disappoitned, I never applied this concept to my relationships with people and in retrospect this has caused me a lot of heartache and has caused me to look down on relatively good people.

This is especially true with those I really care about. The more I love the higher the bar.

Nobody is perfect and I always expect that everyone will be so and this is probably because I cringe at the thought that I will not be able to deliver what's expected of me; to be the person that they need me to be. Though I march to my own drummer and always have, I've learned to make concessions so that at least in terms of what's important I'll be able to please everyone.

But you can't please everybody.

I now think that it is better to start at 0 and let people work their way up and earn their points. This is going to be my new M.O. If I fail someone I'll still be pissed, but I will try to be more leniant on how I see other people. People do make mistakes. I will try to remember that.


The Assimilated Negro said...

I think the move is to start at 5. You don't want to give people no credit. And you can't give them all the credit. 5 is the compromise. they have something. But also have room to grow/surprise.

vicpichardo said...

yeah, 5 sounds good to me too. but there are too many people and things to do to have to deal with people that are not worth it. if somebody fails me it doesn't mean that i will hold a grudge forever, but it doesn't mean i have to give him/her a chance to do it again. there are plenty people that don't fail me.

Pirate said...

Don't be so damn hard on yourself for being a human. Just keep in mind those you judge are doing the same to you. And they all see their position as being higher then yours. Or their position on an issue more important or more informed.

Ailyn said...

Pirate is right. We're all only human

Jonas said...

man is that fucking true.

The Assimilated Negro said...

I'm actually a platypus. Not human ... but, you know, still mammal...

grody jo-dee said...

just don't let the 0 become a negative way of looking at people. although i totally agree that people have to EARN my respect and friendship. it's not asking too much. stand up people always seem to pass with flying colors.

Weary Hag said...

I'm trying hard to remember how I was toward people when I was your age. I think I may have been tough on people too - though I would always give them a chance to redeem themselves (one chance - just one) if they screwed up somehow.

I think the main thing is that as long as you don't set your standards too high, or lose your standards altogether, you'll be fine.