Sunday night, in an unexpected twist of fate at Yvette's urging, Sarah and I felt the urge to go have some chicken rolls at Pat'e Palo. So we went. We asked for a table inside because the humidity was just terrible and next thing I know we were sitting on the table next to HWMNBN.
As you can probably imagine, I almost died right then and there. My heart was about to shoot out of my chest and as much as I wanted to think that 5 months after the incident and 4 months after the talk I was over him, I was not.
But I had a moment of clarity and the only thing that seemed to make sense at the moment given the circumstances was to be a normal human being and go say hello. I mean, we agreed to not be together but we did agree that we'd be friends so saying hello though it seemed like a monumental gesture was really the least I could do.
So I got up, took a huge gulp of water, a drag of my cigarrette, and walked the 5 steps over in the general direction of his table. I tapped his shooulder, said excuse me and then hello. He got up and hugged me. I don't know how long that hug lasted but considering how everyone in his party kept staring at me I would guess it was probably a little longer than necessary. It was affectionate and it was good.
He introduced me to his entire family, who apparently all knew who I was, and then asked me to join him outside to talk for a few minutes. I forgot all about Sarah who was sitting 5 steps away and we went outside and talked.
"when I got on the plane on Friday, I had the feeling that I was going to run into you..." he said.
"this is so weird..." I said.
"this is not weird, it is simply unexpected..." he said "...and you look really good".
The conversation went something like that with a few mentions of Hurricanes and postcards. I don't know how long we were out there, but for me time had stood still.
After a while we remembered everyone and went back in. As we were walking in, his family was walking out and I don't know exactely what happened but next thing I knew his family was gone and he was asking us if he could join us while we ate.
I couldn't eat. I couldn't drink. I didn't want to make any sudden movements because I was convinced that I was dreaming and I really didn't want to wake up. That moment was just THAT good and I didn't want it to end even though I felt like a traitor because there he was, probably just being a good friend and I was like a lovesick puppy.
But we had a wonderful time. When the time came to leave, he asked me if we had any other plans for the night, to which I said no. I told him that we were coming back to my place and that he was more than welcome to join us for a few more drinks.
We sat by the pool for hours just looking at the stars and catching up. We talked about all the decisions I need to make in the near future, about books, about music, about his projects. For hours we sat there and it was perfect. It felt as good as it always was and as much as I was enjoying the moment as it was (though deep down I really just wanted to make-out but I wasn't going to be the one to break our "friendship deal"), I couldn't help but think that it would soon be over.
At 5am he said that he had to go home. At 5:01am HE kissed ME. At 5:02am I was in trouble.
"No matter what we do or how many talks we have, we are always going to end up like this..." he said.
Monday night he called me and we talked for a little while. I hadn't slept at all since Saturday night so I was exhausted. We didn't see each other then. He went home Tuesday morning.
I don't know what is going to happen after this. He said that he's coming back Thanksgiving week. We talked about seeing each other then. This is the man who broke my heart and yet the possibility of having him in my life again gives my life meaning and hope.
There is a lot I don't know and even more that I don't want to know. I do know that against my better judgement I love him. I do know that all is fair in love and war...