Friday, May 12, 2006

You do? Well, I don't.

A word I have never really liked is the word marriage. Where for some people the M word conjures all kinds of pretty pictures, for me it does nothing of the sort. It annoys the living hell out of me to be honest. There are very few things I find more disturbing than the idea of having to commit to "until death" when the bond that is your word can be broken so easily and when forever can be too long.

As I've gotten older I've seen some of my friends tie the knot and I've been more than happy for them. Skeptic about marriage as I am, I am supportive. I do realize that my floor is someone else's ceiling and just because I don't believe in something doesn't mean it's not okay for someone else to believe in it. As a friend, it's my duty to be supportive despite what I may believe.

I am not really fond of married people. Actually, let me rephrase that. Married people are not very fond of the single folks. Just today I was talking to a (male) friend (friend in a very unorthodox fashion) who is married and he was saying how they (he and the Mrs.) were going to go to dinner with his friend and wife and blablabla. And I've noticed that each time he's mentioned their plans, they usually involve married people. Okay.

My good friend (or I should just say friend) who recently got engaged has started hanging out exclusively with couples, either married or seriously committed. According to her, single life is mundane and she has x-y-z things to worry about and we can't possibly relate. You know, because with marriage comes a new found maturity that those of us who are more experienced in life (not to mention older) couldn't possibly understand. But okay.

I used to have a friend who until she got married I thought was wonderfully sane in a very funky kind of way. Then, it seemed like the worse attributes of her Prince Charming (who in my eyes was never neither a prince nor charming) rubbed off on her (along with his dislike of me) and next thing I knew her name on my caller ID brought dread and pressing 'ignore' became too easy. Then one day she said "I don't want to be your friend anymore". I felt like the angels sang to me! I must admit that I felt terrible because for a long time she was the coolest chick I knew but things happen for a reason.

Most people are born all alone. Everyone spends most of their life as a single complete unit where their friends help them grow and explore and learn. Then one day they meet someone and are swept off their feet. Lo and behold they want to share their lives. When did sharing two lives become having one life for two people?

I understand that when you are married things change but why is it so easy to dispose of the old life upon signing a piece of paper? what's more, why do married people think that (or just act like) single people are less because they are not part of a twosome when in reality I think that there is more merit in facing the world alone rather than have a 24 hour cheerleader...

In a perfect world both things could be had and shared without one ever affecting the other. But it's not a perfect world. So I'll just continue to be okay with losing friends to marriage and I won't be the one to remind them that 50+% of marriages end up in divorce. Because, you know, if a married person doesn't want to be friends with me becasue I am single, i don't know if later on in life I would want to be friends with a divorcee.

5 comments:

jackt said...

Some people just remake their social connections everytime they hit a different stage in life. A lot of my good friends recently started having kids, and some of them now hang out almost exclusively with other people who have kids and leave less time for friends who don't have kids, married or single. Doesn't apply to everyone though- I'm married, but both my wife and I have a lot of friends who are single. And I still have lots of friends who have kids who still hang out with people without kids.

local wannabe said...

... marriage has its perks ... but i think the perks can still be experienced in a less ritualistic engagement ... maybe one that focuses more on cultivating a sense of individualistic companionship rather than creating arbitrary limitations to personal sovereignty ... openess, trust and sincere channels of communication are good places to start (how can you grow without an honest counterperspective?) ... despite my reluctance to come to terms with the ceremony i love attending weddings ... you'll find me near the bar ...

_android[ette] said...

I believe, that just like any other 'big'* experience it's going to depend greatly & who is going thru it.













*using the word very loosely here. I can think of at least 10 things (out of the top of my head after having just woken up) that are more important than marriage/commitment; but these people (sheep, actually) were programmed to not only behave a certain way but also to expect (and do) certain things (within the period their detailed timetable discloses; you know the one their parents/society tattooed into their brains as toodlers)

TaraMetBlog said...

"I do realize that my floor is someone else's ceiling and just because I don't believe in something doesn't mean it's not okay for someone else to believe in it"

Well said and I often have adopted the same policy when it came to my friends younger marriages and other endeavors.

gotbrains? said...

Once you get married and/or have children you are admitted into a special club. The "Isn't my kid so fucking adorable" Club. The "I must make you ill by making believe I hate my spouse" Club. If I ever get married I refuse to be part of these corny clubs. My child will not be adorable, they will most likely be demon spawn, and I WILL most likely hate my spouse. So, there.