In writing this post I have thought a lot about Harry Burns and Sally Albright. I never realized it, but I think that When Harry Met Sally is one of my all time favorite movies and is not just because I can rescite from memory the entire deli scene (sound effects and all) but because they are characters that make sense to me. They are both so imperfect that they are more real than real people.
Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about friendship between men and women lately. I have always believed wholeheartedly that men and women can most certainly be friends. One of my bestEST (and oldest) friends is a guy. I have plenty of guy friends. I have managed to remain friends with exes and be friends with guys who like me, ad naturally, guys I like. All those things have served to prove, at least to me, that it is possible.
But I never really considered what happened when there is sexual tension coming from both sides.
The other day, I read somewhere that the best way to resolve the sexual tension issue was to make out with the person so you can get that out of the way and be friends. I thought that was funny. But again, that made sense kinda' sorta'. If/when it's a new friendship, after the making out part, there is no more mistery as to what that's like so you can move on stress-free. It is only a problem when/if you have already invested on the friendship.
There is this guy I know who became a friend of mine through uncovnentional means. We get along great and I have loved the countless conversations we have had. I don't think that there was any sexual tension at first (at least I don't remember...okay, there was 'cause I flirted from day 1) but the fact of the matter is that the sexual tension came and neither of us was doing a good job at hiding it.
I should probably mention that he is in a committed relationship.
That and a number of other reasons I won't get into kept us on our best behavior. Until one day. Because there is always ONE DAY.
One day we kinda' sorta' got it on. It wasn't like THAT but it was like that. After it happened, we agreed to keep the secret but we also agreed to keep the friendship. To this day we have done both except for the fact that I don't feel like we can be real friends to each other.
Let me explain.
The other day, during one of our conversations he tells me that he is bored at home because girlfriend was out and he wasn't feeling well. Normally, what I would say to any friend who'd tell me something like that is "wanna come over? we can watch a movie and i'll make you soup" or "want me to bring you soup and a movie?" but after he told me that, even though in my mind I was already thinking soup and movie, I could say nothing more than "that's too bad".
It was then that it occurred to me that our friendship will never be like the kind of friendships I am used to having. All because we broke at least 3 of the cardinal rules of the male/female friendship.
I can't imagine ever being able to hang out with him and the gf or to stop by his place for no reason or to be able to invite him over for no reason. I mean all of that could happen, and I am civilized enough that knowing me it would probably be my idea; but it doesn't take away from the fact that it would be weird, awkward and strange. I think a lot of it would be weird because of the chick-factor because this didn't happen before their relationship but during. Still, this is one of those situations that look like they'll be pretty permanent so our current friendship situation will probably remain.
And it's sad. Because despite the fact that we mantain a fairly good relationship, I doubt that we will ever get past the "we did a bad thing" mode enough to have a normal friendship.
but I guess we deserve it.
Though it's probably for the best because regardless of gf and my borderline obsession with HWMNBN, I still think he is pretty darned hot :)