Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Show me the money...

I spend a good portion of my time watching people and trying to make sense of their behavior. I like to think that I live in a massive sociological experiment where not only am I an observer but I am also a participant. It's very interesting because through my observations I learn things and I make fun generalizations about my peers. (Obviously I can't make these generalizations about other people because similar people are drawn to each other and one person's floor is another person's ceiling...)

Lately I've become more aware of how the people in my circle, including myself, are somewhat exhibitionist. Because I am an extrovert, I tend to gravitate towards people who are also extroverts. Although it has happened that a introverts have managed to make their way into my circle, over the years it has been a very rare ocurrance. I am glad. It's difficult to trust people who are so inwardly oriented.

Anyway, as I was saying, lately I've found myself partaking in relatively high-risk exhibitionist activities and I'm wondering why as I have gotten older I've started to care less, or get excited by more or have simply become more flamboyant in terms of my personality. There used to be a time that despite my extroversion I used to exercise modesty and lived under a sometimes anachronistic moral code that despite my modernity made sense only to me; now my idea of modesty is to make sure that no pictures/videos of me in compromising positions end up on the internet.


I don't think that a life more private and a life less flashy is by any means less than a life that requires public complicity and obscene amounts of trust and yet, I am drifting away from it. I am still close with only a few people but open to everyone but still, I feel a rush from knowing that it is quite possible that everyone or someone random will bear witness to a part of myself that would have probably been best if kept private.

I'm not talking about sex, as I'm sure everyone who reads this will automatically assume. Like everything else in life, that's a part of it but not the whole. It's everything...

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