Tuesday, January 16, 2007

not into me?

There are things that I do that I have always done. Like I've said, I am a creature of habit and as such, I find comfort in rituals. One of those things that I have always done is hang out at bookstores. One of the things that I have always done while in the US is hang out at Barnes and Noble. That, my friends, is my idea of heaven.

One of the things I like most about hanging out at B&N is that there is never a dull moment. Not only do you meet interesting literate people while browsing the aisles, when you are not lucky enough to find some of those you can pick up a book, start reading and nobody will say anything. I must confess that I have read plenty of books that way- some books are just not worth their sticker price, sometimes I have way too much time on my hands or sometimes spending money on anything more than a cup of coffee seems unnecessary.

In any case, today I spent a good chunk of the afternoon browsing the aisles and today for the first time I felt the urge to pick up a book I have always known existed but have never felt the desire to read:
He's Just Not That Into You.

I read it cover to cover and now I know why I never wanted to read it.

I don't know why I picked it up to begin with and I don't know to what extent what it says are absolute truths that go unnoticed or mere assumptions put down on paper by two people who see the world as merely black and white. The fact of the matter is that I read it and parts of it stung. After I read it, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was a stupid woman and that maybe there are no such things as circumstances but a series of behaviors that can only be defined in black and white terms.

And it's bugging the hell out of me. Very few books have left me with such a feeling of inadequacy. Very few people have led me to question my knowledge of the male mind because considering that I was raised among them, I thought I could write the Cliffs Notes. But at this very moment I don't really know anymore and it's a general feeling of ignorance not limited to my relationships with lovers but with my relationships with men in general.

Ivan didn't call me back today. Does that mean that he doesn't care?
Gus hasn't mailed me my stuff. Does that mean that I'm not important enough?
Dan hasn't written this week. Does that mean that he forgot about me?
X-man doesn't want me to text message him. Does that mean that he doesn't want me in his life?

I now question my brothers and my friends even though I know that the book was written to make sense of potential mates. And don't even get me started on everything I've thought about HWMNBN...

Someone said that ignorance is bliss. This I have always believed to be true. BUt when learning something makes you feel ignorant, you can't be blissful. I have nothing left to feel but stupid because I question things that are set in stone as truths such as that my brothers love me as do my friends.

This is a terrible book. Don't read it.


Anonymous said...

i think once you feel ignorant of something you're no longer ignorant of it. i never read that book either but only because i tend to snort at books that look "self-helpy" and by the time it came out i had already come to the conclusion that if he's not interested he's not worth my energy. so anytime i heard anyone talk about it, i was like, "duh!"

and BN has also become one of my favorite pastimes.

Anonymous said...

My dear.
Have you take in consideration, that perhaps the reason you find the book written in such a black and white terms,
Is because it really apply to your own behavior.
You sound a little too desperate and quite obsess with that HWMNBN
Maybe you came to the realization that he is not into you.

and I have to said.
About time.
Girl move on.

When a potential mate is into you, you will know it.

josee from Canada said...

I have to agree with you this book is TERRIBLE. I had the misfortune of reading at the bookstore and now whenever that book comes to mind I almost get sick to my stomach, and i consider myself to be a very realistics woman (feminist and everything). I think it's a bit too blunt and in your face. Hated it.

Nina said...

Well, like anonymous said, I think that this book sounds too right and you can't handle it.
You have such a high opinion of yourself that you can't even believe one man can lose interest in your person.
In your perspective, you are too good for the vast majority of men, so how could they be the ones who reject you?

Sorry to be harsh..

annush said...

I don't think that anybody is rejecting me, what I am saying that this book would make it easy to believe that everyone is. Like I said in my post:

I have nothing left to feel but stupid because I question things that are set in stone as truths such as that my brothers love me as do my friends.

I know people lose interest in each other all the time...hell I have the attention span of a mosquito when it comes to those I don't have some kind of emotional attachment to. I am okay with being rejected believe it or not because I reject people all the time.

Frankly, I just didn't like the way the book was written because it's written in a way that just makes the reader feel inadequate and that's never good. Kinda like what JOsee from Canada said.