To be better...

I HAVE SOCIAL DISEASE.

I HAVE TO GO OUT EVERY NIGHT.

IF I STAY HOME ONE NIGHT,

I START SPREADING RUMORS TO MY DOGS.

-Andy Warhol

Apparently people care that I haven't been writing these days.

I have actually been considering quitting the whole blogging thing and focusing on sharing less of myself and doing more things for myself. Taking care of business as one would say. But you know, it's kinda hard to quit when the experience is so cathartic. And to be quite frank, I need that sometimes.

Last week I went on a cruise (obviously not the one that sank). I spent seven glorious days exploring the ports of Cozumel, Grand Cayman, Montego Bay and Lavadee (for the fifth time). On the most part, it was good. But oh! the hangovers! Funny how when at sea drunkenness helps you preserve your balance and 15 drinks only feel like 3.

But I've since stopped that- the drinking that is.

I've been giving it a lot of thought and I've come to the conclusion that I need to control my drinking. Perhaps I don't drink so much that it should be considered a problem; however, in the past couple of weeks I've fucked up royally because I've been drunk.

I lost HWMNBN- this time for good because my judgement was impaired. And I could blame him for buying my drinks or for steering me in the wrong direction or for making me forget things that feel good to remember; but in the end, the one trying to keep up with him was me. The one who thought she was invincible was me. The one who believed she was right because "it felt right at the time" was me- even though I may have been dead wrong.

I worked so hard for something for so many years, and I lost it in 10 minutes.

Maybe I needed this to put an end to this whole ordeal. I just wish it hadn't ended as it did.

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For those who care, I've now been alcohol free for 5 days.