Consistent
adj.
1. agreeing or accordant; compatible; not self-contradictory
2. constantly adhering to the same principles, course, form, etc.
3. holding firmly together; cohering.
4. Archaic. fixed; firm.
---
SS says I am not consistent...I wonder if he is right.
Showing posts with label thinking.... Show all posts
Showing posts with label thinking.... Show all posts
Monday, June 29, 2009
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
I know it don't come in a shot glass..
I worry. A lot. Sometimes I am the embodiment of mama except that I am not anyone's mama. Worrying has caused me fights, cost me friends, and it has at time left me with the lingering feeling that if perhaps i worried about myself more and less about my loved ones I would be a much happier person.
Ignorance is bliss.
In a life that tends to throw you with people like you, I have been blessed (or cursed) with a group of friends as diverse in every sense of the word as anyone can dream of. I have friends who are scientists, artist, computer geeks, lawyers, musicians, bankers, creatives...you name a profession and I probably know someone who dabbles in that field. The same holds true for their values. I have friends who have never so much as smoked a cigarette and some others that would probably smoke the carpet if only it didn't burn so quickly.
But when we are together, they all come together and the world makes sense because ultimately they are all the same. We are all the same.
This past year though, while I've been busy with a thousand and one existential crises, things have been changing. People have been changing. It might be possible that life has been getting too hard or that maybe quirky traits have become problems. The fact of the matter is that if one person ends up in rehab or one person ends up in a hospital ward or one person ends up dead, you have to wonder what went wrong.
If several people end up in that situation, you have a problem on your hands and you have to stop and wonder: what does that say about you?
So what does that say about me?
On any given day I can look at ANYONE in the eye and tell them that I am okay. But this is a test of faith and character. Am I okay? A lot of the people who are going through different things are people who are quite close to me. I have to be honest and say that 50% of the time, I didn't think they had a problem.
But 50% is not that much now that I think about it.
What makes me different? Am I different? If so, why?
As I sit here sipping a glass of wine, I ask myself "should I be drinking this?" But I don't know if not drinking it is the answer... or if there is an answer. I just hope, and hope is a strong word, that I don't end up part of this new order of things...part of the group who talks about rehabs and hospitals like it was a time at a spa. Like the detox is some kind of facial and that therapy is some kind of exclusive party only a few can join.
Ignorance is bliss.
In a life that tends to throw you with people like you, I have been blessed (or cursed) with a group of friends as diverse in every sense of the word as anyone can dream of. I have friends who are scientists, artist, computer geeks, lawyers, musicians, bankers, creatives...you name a profession and I probably know someone who dabbles in that field. The same holds true for their values. I have friends who have never so much as smoked a cigarette and some others that would probably smoke the carpet if only it didn't burn so quickly.
But when we are together, they all come together and the world makes sense because ultimately they are all the same. We are all the same.
This past year though, while I've been busy with a thousand and one existential crises, things have been changing. People have been changing. It might be possible that life has been getting too hard or that maybe quirky traits have become problems. The fact of the matter is that if one person ends up in rehab or one person ends up in a hospital ward or one person ends up dead, you have to wonder what went wrong.
If several people end up in that situation, you have a problem on your hands and you have to stop and wonder: what does that say about you?
So what does that say about me?
On any given day I can look at ANYONE in the eye and tell them that I am okay. But this is a test of faith and character. Am I okay? A lot of the people who are going through different things are people who are quite close to me. I have to be honest and say that 50% of the time, I didn't think they had a problem.
But 50% is not that much now that I think about it.
What makes me different? Am I different? If so, why?
As I sit here sipping a glass of wine, I ask myself "should I be drinking this?" But I don't know if not drinking it is the answer... or if there is an answer. I just hope, and hope is a strong word, that I don't end up part of this new order of things...part of the group who talks about rehabs and hospitals like it was a time at a spa. Like the detox is some kind of facial and that therapy is some kind of exclusive party only a few can join.
"Yes I've been black
but when I come back
you'll know know know"
-Amy Winehouse. Rehab.
but when I come back
you'll know know know"
-Amy Winehouse. Rehab.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
My Secret
Recently, my friend Vilma gave me the book "The Secret" so I could keep myself amused during the rainy weekend. Ever since I saw part of an interview with its author on Oprah some months back, I'd been interested in reading the book though for some reason or another I always forgo to get it each time I walked into Barnes and Noble.
I was really happy when she gave it to me and put it on my kitchen counter so that I'd remember to take it with me when I went to get my legs waxed/hairdresser/manicurist etc. But it stayed there for days. It wasn't until I got sick that I got the chance to read it and I must say that I read the book in one sitting and it changed my life.
On the most part, I like self-help books but mostly because I find them entertaining. I take things for what they are and unless is something obvious like "Plumbing for dummies" I don't really expect much from someone's ideas of how I should live my life- if that makes any sense. Usually, I take the scientific approach to most things and that's the reason why I have so many issues believing in God...
This book though is amazing! I had a much better time internalizing the concept of God as energy than I would have had the concept remained that of God. There was a scientific explanation I could relate to and an impressively logical explanation as to how we create our own lives and how our thoughts become things.
My friend Michelle has this blog where she is always talking about creating our own lives and if before I thought she was a little nutty (and still do because some of the stuff she says is just too weird for me), I now understand better what she is trying to say because on the most part, what she says is based on this (if you take out the God aspect of it).
Since I read the book I've been trying to practice living differently. Instead of finding things to bitch about I praise things. I am imagining a different life for myself...one that involves children and laughter. I am not obsessing about things, but taking them in stride. These days, I am the epitome of positivity!
...and I think that it has worked and each day I see it more and more. Things are happening that I have no other way of explaining other than by saying that I envisioned them happening.
Maybe it's a strange coincidence. Maybe this was meant to happen. Maybe I am creating a new life for myself. Hard to say what it is. But I like myself like this. And just in case, I'll continue to try it...
I was really happy when she gave it to me and put it on my kitchen counter so that I'd remember to take it with me when I went to get my legs waxed/hairdresser/manicurist etc. But it stayed there for days. It wasn't until I got sick that I got the chance to read it and I must say that I read the book in one sitting and it changed my life.
On the most part, I like self-help books but mostly because I find them entertaining. I take things for what they are and unless is something obvious like "Plumbing for dummies" I don't really expect much from someone's ideas of how I should live my life- if that makes any sense. Usually, I take the scientific approach to most things and that's the reason why I have so many issues believing in God...
This book though is amazing! I had a much better time internalizing the concept of God as energy than I would have had the concept remained that of God. There was a scientific explanation I could relate to and an impressively logical explanation as to how we create our own lives and how our thoughts become things.
My friend Michelle has this blog where she is always talking about creating our own lives and if before I thought she was a little nutty (and still do because some of the stuff she says is just too weird for me), I now understand better what she is trying to say because on the most part, what she says is based on this (if you take out the God aspect of it).
Since I read the book I've been trying to practice living differently. Instead of finding things to bitch about I praise things. I am imagining a different life for myself...one that involves children and laughter. I am not obsessing about things, but taking them in stride. These days, I am the epitome of positivity!
...and I think that it has worked and each day I see it more and more. Things are happening that I have no other way of explaining other than by saying that I envisioned them happening.
Maybe it's a strange coincidence. Maybe this was meant to happen. Maybe I am creating a new life for myself. Hard to say what it is. But I like myself like this. And just in case, I'll continue to try it...
Saturday, June 09, 2007
The PH Files...Part deux
My faith in the system has been restored and now everyone from my youngest brother to Ann Coulter have come out in Paris's defense. Apparently the cries of a grown woman calling for mommy should serve as enough of a penance.
I gotta say this...yesterday I spent the better part of my afternoon watching the drama unfold. I wrote what I wrote and I meant what I said. Hell, I was happy when they sent her back to jail! But now I feel just a little bit bad for her. Not significantly much, but just a little bit. I feel bad that they have made a circus out of her, and I feel bad that the media continues to retell the story of what I am pretty sure has been the lowest point in her life, and I am sure the most humbling.
The fact that she has to go to jail is to me a tale of cause and effect. You made your bed, now you sleep in it. But everyone is entitled to preserve their dignity. You should be able to shed a tear or two in private in a trying moment. You should be able to call for mommy without everyone and their mother saying something about it- this includes me.
I never thought that I would say this, but poor Paris!
I'll admit that I can't stand her and that the world would probably be a better place without her in it; but in her vulnerability she appears to be a real person. I think to myself that when she cries she could be anyone and after seeing all those pictures I think that she has had a hard lesson to learn. But if she learns it and is enough of a woman to grow from it, and I mean grow in every sense, that will make her hot in my book.
I gotta say this...yesterday I spent the better part of my afternoon watching the drama unfold. I wrote what I wrote and I meant what I said. Hell, I was happy when they sent her back to jail! But now I feel just a little bit bad for her. Not significantly much, but just a little bit. I feel bad that they have made a circus out of her, and I feel bad that the media continues to retell the story of what I am pretty sure has been the lowest point in her life, and I am sure the most humbling.
The fact that she has to go to jail is to me a tale of cause and effect. You made your bed, now you sleep in it. But everyone is entitled to preserve their dignity. You should be able to shed a tear or two in private in a trying moment. You should be able to call for mommy without everyone and their mother saying something about it- this includes me.
I never thought that I would say this, but poor Paris!
I'll admit that I can't stand her and that the world would probably be a better place without her in it; but in her vulnerability she appears to be a real person. I think to myself that when she cries she could be anyone and after seeing all those pictures I think that she has had a hard lesson to learn. But if she learns it and is enough of a woman to grow from it, and I mean grow in every sense, that will make her hot in my book.
Friday, May 18, 2007
"For Dogs who flew in World War I and understand a little French."
Lately I've been overcome by the desire to write but haven't had enough time to do it which is probably the reason why I want to do it...No, really...I've actually had a lot of stuff going on including but not limited to time wasted introducing random people to the world of Snoopy (and I didn't think there was anyone in this planet who didn't know Snoopy), my new addiction to Venezuelan arepas, hours and hours spent at airports at times when I am convinced I should have brought my passport, and wine.
Of course there is work and all the other good stuff but it's hard to focus on EVERYTHING.
My friend has become a sushi chef and a sushi roll was named after me/inspired by me..."The Princess Roll". I thought it was cute that people knew right away it was made for me. I wish I could have tried it... Better yet, I wish I could feed Princess rolls to those people whose mouth I appreciate near me...
One day I will...
For now though, I can feel summer coming. Miami is becoming a crappy place to spend the summer in. I have 6 electronic tickets waiting in my inbox to help me keep my sanity during the next few months. Just knowing that they exist makes me all warm and fuzzy inside.
I miss certain things. I miss certain people.
I feel like I should dance.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Stupid girls
Overheard in Starbucks:
"I would never have a relationship with a woman who was not wearing underwear the first time we hooked up"
I would like to thank Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears for lowering the bar so incredibly low that now underwear is a desireable attribute and a deal maker/breaker in a potential relationship!
It is very possible that I may get shit for saying this, just as it is very possible that many people will agree with me when I say this but I AM GLAD PARIS IS GOING TO JAIL, I AM GLAD LINDSAY'S MOVIES ARE BOMBING and I AM GLAD BRITNEY IS GOING INSANE! Frankly, I think the world can do without those three for a while...
"I would never have a relationship with a woman who was not wearing underwear the first time we hooked up"
I would like to thank Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears for lowering the bar so incredibly low that now underwear is a desireable attribute and a deal maker/breaker in a potential relationship!
It is very possible that I may get shit for saying this, just as it is very possible that many people will agree with me when I say this but I AM GLAD PARIS IS GOING TO JAIL, I AM GLAD LINDSAY'S MOVIES ARE BOMBING and I AM GLAD BRITNEY IS GOING INSANE! Frankly, I think the world can do without those three for a while...
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Yet another sad day for a family somewhere...
My friend Ellen went to Columbine High School.
Back when I was in college, while everyone else was celebrating 4:20 in a most corrupt fashion, she would spent the day all bent out of shape thinking about her friend who got shot by one of her classmates. It was a tragedy everyone knew had happened, but frankly it was a hard tragedy to relate because it is hard to imagine those things happening to people "like us".
...and yet, they do happen and then like now all we can really do is hope that things like that don't happen again ...
But they do continue to happen.
Thirty plus people died yesterday at Virginia Tech at the hands of what I can only qualify as a mad man.
I'm not one to follow the news unless there are some good news somewhere within them; however, I've been following this closely because in a university of 26,000 that really could have been any school at any time. And what's more, a handful of those deaths could have been prevented if someone had taken action either after the first shootings or before, when the shooter was writing those twisted plays that have become paramount in this investigation.
My stance on Freedom of Speech is that we should each be allowed to say what we want and that we should take the Don Imus' and Rosie O'Donnell's of the world with a grain of salt. But as a person who demands the right to feel safe at work/school/life environments, I EXPECT that when someone writes something that could be an obvious hint of a potential threat, that someone should do something. That's why we have counselors and the such!
Unfortunately, our society is not one that is very egalitarian and it is not one that shares values.
"rich kids," "debauchery" and "deceitful charlatans" are a part of our culture and we can choose to embrace them or not, but by no means should they have to worry about getting shot on their way to class for being the way they are!
My thoughts and prayers are with the friends and family of those who lost a loved one yesterday...a mere week before the Columbine shooting's anniversary. My thoughts and prayers are with the friends and family of anyone who has lost anyone and shouldn't have in these horrific incidents.
All I hope, and hope is a strong force, is that we will learn from these unfortunate mistakes and people will learn to take action when necessary and those who are disturbed will learn the value of human life. I can't imagine bringing a child into a world so unsafe. We lead wars abroad but we should worry about our own wars, the ones being waged by our kids in our own backyard.
Back when I was in college, while everyone else was celebrating 4:20 in a most corrupt fashion, she would spent the day all bent out of shape thinking about her friend who got shot by one of her classmates. It was a tragedy everyone knew had happened, but frankly it was a hard tragedy to relate because it is hard to imagine those things happening to people "like us".
...and yet, they do happen and then like now all we can really do is hope that things like that don't happen again ...
But they do continue to happen.
Thirty plus people died yesterday at Virginia Tech at the hands of what I can only qualify as a mad man.
I'm not one to follow the news unless there are some good news somewhere within them; however, I've been following this closely because in a university of 26,000 that really could have been any school at any time. And what's more, a handful of those deaths could have been prevented if someone had taken action either after the first shootings or before, when the shooter was writing those twisted plays that have become paramount in this investigation.
My stance on Freedom of Speech is that we should each be allowed to say what we want and that we should take the Don Imus' and Rosie O'Donnell's of the world with a grain of salt. But as a person who demands the right to feel safe at work/school/life environments, I EXPECT that when someone writes something that could be an obvious hint of a potential threat, that someone should do something. That's why we have counselors and the such!
Unfortunately, our society is not one that is very egalitarian and it is not one that shares values.
"rich kids," "debauchery" and "deceitful charlatans" are a part of our culture and we can choose to embrace them or not, but by no means should they have to worry about getting shot on their way to class for being the way they are!
My thoughts and prayers are with the friends and family of those who lost a loved one yesterday...a mere week before the Columbine shooting's anniversary. My thoughts and prayers are with the friends and family of anyone who has lost anyone and shouldn't have in these horrific incidents.
All I hope, and hope is a strong force, is that we will learn from these unfortunate mistakes and people will learn to take action when necessary and those who are disturbed will learn the value of human life. I can't imagine bringing a child into a world so unsafe. We lead wars abroad but we should worry about our own wars, the ones being waged by our kids in our own backyard.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
To be better...
I HAVE SOCIAL DISEASE.
I HAVE TO GO OUT EVERY NIGHT.
IF I STAY HOME ONE NIGHT,
I START SPREADING RUMORS TO MY DOGS.
-Andy Warhol
Apparently people care that I haven't been writing these days.
I have actually been considering quitting the whole blogging thing and focusing on sharing less of myself and doing more things for myself. Taking care of business as one would say. But you know, it's kinda hard to quit when the experience is so cathartic. And to be quite frank, I need that sometimes.
Last week I went on a cruise (obviously not the one that sank). I spent seven glorious days exploring the ports of Cozumel, Grand Cayman, Montego Bay and Lavadee (for the fifth time). On the most part, it was good. But oh! the hangovers! Funny how when at sea drunkenness helps you preserve your balance and 15 drinks only feel like 3.
But I've since stopped that- the drinking that is.
I've been giving it a lot of thought and I've come to the conclusion that I need to control my drinking. Perhaps I don't drink so much that it should be considered a problem; however, in the past couple of weeks I've fucked up royally because I've been drunk.
I lost HWMNBN- this time for good because my judgement was impaired. And I could blame him for buying my drinks or for steering me in the wrong direction or for making me forget things that feel good to remember; but in the end, the one trying to keep up with him was me. The one who thought she was invincible was me. The one who believed she was right because "it felt right at the time" was me- even though I may have been dead wrong.
I worked so hard for something for so many years, and I lost it in 10 minutes.
Maybe I needed this to put an end to this whole ordeal. I just wish it hadn't ended as it did.
-------------
For those who care, I've now been alcohol free for 5 days.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
God closes a door but opens a window...
So I moved.
And I've gone through hell and back getting my shit together but LIFE isn't cooperating with me. I think I'm being tested. I sure I am.
The latest things in the list of horrible things that have happened to me is that I bought myself a super duper TV, threw out the instruciton manual and now I can't get it to work, my BRAND NEW refrigerator refuses to make ice so when they came to fix it they fuckt up my floor. Let's see what else...oh I get my computer back and now my internet card won't work.
But the silver lining...because there is always a silver lining...
I have a date with the guy who crashed into my car the other day...I mean, he did fix my car, and hooked me up with a nice rental in the process...I have a HOT neighbor, I got my computer back, turns out that my new building has bilt in wi-fi, even though I can't actually watch TV, I can see on my TV screen what I would normally watch on my laptop, and I have found new friends!
Things could be worse...sure...but considering how bad they are, each bad thing has bought something pretty good along with it.
I still think I am lucky.
Saturday, March 03, 2007
Lucky girl...
I am alive.
But I am VERY VERY tired.
This moving business is actually quite exhausting, or maybe I'm just getting too old for this kind of thing. Hard to say. In any case, last night while sitting on the floor (still no furniture) eating microwavable lasagna and texting with my brother it ocurred to me that I am a lucky lucky girl.
Lucky girl in deed...
But I am VERY VERY tired.
This moving business is actually quite exhausting, or maybe I'm just getting too old for this kind of thing. Hard to say. In any case, last night while sitting on the floor (still no furniture) eating microwavable lasagna and texting with my brother it ocurred to me that I am a lucky lucky girl.
Lucky girl in deed...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
