Tuesday, January 01, 2008

I hate the word “resolutions”. Not that there is anything particularly bad about the word; however, it belittles every decision that we make everyday. As if a decision is not a resolve- which it is, depending on how you look at it.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. As it is everyday. Except that today I will kiss goodbye (if I even get a kiss) 365 days of lessons, and sadness and joy-because you can’t have one without the other. Each year I sit down and write what I want to take with me and this year I feel a little bit dry. It seems like this year it was too much and if there is one thing I have learned and have come to terms with is that I am glad that this year is over and I get a chance of a new beginning (if such things even exist).

This year I did a lot of the things that were my last year’s resolutions. Whether or not they were they right things to make “resolutions”, I don’t know; however, in the process I’ve learned that wanting things (and even attaining them) is not always the right thing. There is always something…

One thing I have learned though and I hope to carry this through for the rest of my life, is that no matter what we go through in life we can’t stop loving and laughing because in the end that’s what will keep you sane. Don’t get me wrong, this year I have cried more than I ever have before. I have lost (or have come close) to losing things/people I thought were mine to keep. At times I have felt like there was some merit in giving up. And for more than a second I entertained the thought that love was a heinous backstabbing trap.

But through it all I have learned that one can always laugh and that love is this all encompassing emotion that will help you conquer everything, including loss. Even when you lose in love you can get through it with love.

I don’t have the answers, and I certainly don’t think that because I love my life is going to get any clearer or that certain situations will change; however, love brings you hope and at times that’s all you need to propel you to move forward…

My resolutions for this year are clear cut and simple: work out 3 times a week, eat what I am supposed to eat, keep myself surrounded by good people, and move forward with my projects. Everything else that I could possibly want, should I attain it, is just garnish. All I want to do is be a good person and as such get what I karmically deserve.

Though it’s nice to think that it is, the New Year is not really a blank slate though I wish it were- just like every Monday is a good day to start a diet. I know that January 1 I will be the same person I was on December 31. I just hope, and again hope is a really strong force, that tomorrow I will be able to put certain things behind me and that what is coming to me next is a step forward. Something to look forward to.

I hope that the lessons that the new year will bring are lessons that will come filled with laughter for both myself and those around me. I hope to continue to live knowing that my life and the lives of those around me are filled with laughter and love.


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