Tuesday, June 23, 2009

heavenly creatures...

I have always worried about being a bad girl. Not that I feel like I am a bad girl; however, this is a bit of a paranoia I have.

No matter how open I may be, I like to keep a bit of privacy. and when I don't, I like to be open under my terms.

I sometimes act and react to things as if I were a little girl playing dress up. Even when people look at me and think that my child like enthusiasm is that of someone with nothing but good intentions, on ocassion I do things. Stupid things. Though at times these stupid decisions are brought about by the aforementioned good intentions.

Sometimes I build things and I destroy them. I love more than I'd like but I don't think I know how to express love properly. Everything has to be measured by a second opinion, by a change in perspective and I react depending on how people react to me.

I went to spend time with someone.

I wanted him to like me.

And ultimately he did.

I think.

But when I should have been at my best

I was at my worse.

I think I behaved very badly.

Though ironically, I don't feel much regret,

Maybe embarrasment...

mostly because it was brought to my attention.

To everyone's attention.

Ultimately though, I only went to see him.