Today is ugly girl's birthday (only I can call her ugly girl)...She is turning 19 (really 26). In celebration, she is having a masquerade party tonight for 150 of her closest friends, in a place I've never been to. The evite requests that the party goers wear black. I gotta' go shopping.
It is also Valeria's birthday...she is turning 26 either in Hamburg or in Quito...
And Jenny's birthday as well...She is turning 23 somewhere in Maryland (unless she is in Frankfurt).
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRLS!!
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Due to the weather conditions in good ole' Santo Domingo this week (rain, rain and even more rain), I've spent the better part of the week chilling at home. I know that I had been craving some relaxation and sleep but I kinda' miss some of the excitement of last week.
The highlights of my life these days have been:
1. trying to put together a business plan for the worse business imaginable
2. going to the hairdressesr (i love the hairdresser!)
3. shopping for ugly girl's birthday gift
4. trying to translate the names of spices so that I can cook.
Today my project is leg waxing and dress buying.
I know that as a good New Yorker I own enough black clothes that I would make Trent Reznor proud; however, I am on a mission to look extra nice today. This is the first time in years (about 5 years) I am going to be in a confined space with pretty much every Dominican I've ever befriended. A lot has happened in those 5 years.
In retrospect I should have kept in touch better so that tonight I wouldn't have to try so hard. Oh well!
Or I could pretend I'm someone else...chances are that with a mask over my eyes and obscene amounts of make-up nobody will know it's me :)
...but the last time I played one of those role playing games...hahaha...it took me a while to get back to being myself...though my alter ego was so much more fun!
If worse comes to worse at least I'll have my entourage...hahaha
I miss Starbucks a lot these days. Here it's a real pain in the ass to find a latte just the way you want it without going so far as making it myself. I've found a bakery/cafe that makes awesome coffee and has yummy treats, though it's not exactely in my neighborhood: Panavi. It would be great if they delivered.
It's too early and I've writen a lot about nothing. I think later I'll come back and write about something of substance like Dan's theory that people who live at home until marriage live an "unrealistic life and are by-products of the ritzy life scene".
I love Dan, but sometimes his narrow mindedness makes me want to beat him up.
Actually, I'll just make my peace with that now:
A couple of days ago, Dan sent me a link to an article written by who I presume is nothing more than a bitter, ugly woman bashing the generation of women who came about as a result of Sex and the City. I was only supossed to read the first two paragraphs, so I read just that. Anyway, I found the article to be a personal attack on the women of my generation so I wrote him back:
"I think that the success of Sex and the City was in that it celebrated female friendship in a stylish way without ever giving all the power to a man. It was about time this happened if you ask me! I think that the women who could enjoy expensive wardrobes did well before S&TC and hotties usually band together...But when I did see it [ S&TC], I saw an older version of myself and of most of the women I know (...) enjoying a productive friendship and living life on THEIR terms. That was the kind of life I expected (and still do) to have in my late 30's. My priorities have never involved being a plane Jane with monofacetic friendships. If this makes women unbearable then men have been unbearable all along."
So then he responded with the following:
"this wasn't a dig at you it was a social commentary of the unrealistic life that most of the young Manhattanites (both male and female) seem to be driven by. This includes people who despite being in their late twenties through mid thirties for the most part lived a rent/ expense free existence while driving new (and sometimes) fancy cars, going out clubbing all of the time, and not batting an eye at a $100 bottle of wine during dinner. These are the types of people who live an unrealistic illusion. These are also the bi- product of the ritzy bar scene. It is not you."
So I said:
"In defense of those families...I don't think they live an unrealistic illusion. It is simply a cultural thing. In my culture people don't leave home until they are married either. "
That got me no response.
And no response bugs me more than a bad response because it shows me that he really believes this and he is not willing to discuss it.
In my culture it is expected that you'll live at home until you get married. In recent years this has changed because people are not getting married as young as they used to and for a number of other reasons; but staying home is by no means an unrealistic illusion or something that's even frowned upon. Hell, in my book an unrealistic illusion is to go out into the world and be broke all the time, having to live with a stranger or being entirely alone- unless you ABSOLUTELY have to!
I left home at 19 and have been back for short periods of time since, but I left because of geography not because I believe in the "unrealistic illusion".
I think it is an "unrealistic ilussion" to think that you are a better person if you leave home so you can impress the Dan types as opossed to the one person who lives at home, and leads a quality life. At least in my culture, we are raised to help the family and to keep the family running as a unit until other units are created. We think as a group. And for better or for worse I like it better that way.
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7 comments:
Alice Harford: Millions of years of evolution, right? Right? Men have to stick it in every place they can, but for women... women it is just about security and commitment and whatever the fuck else!
Dr. Bill Harford: A little oversimplified, Alice, but yes, something like that.
Alice Harford: If you men only knew...
-Eyes Wide Shut
Enjoy the Masquerade Party!
I left home alone at 18,rejecting the Leave Home When You Marry concept because a) I didn't want to be married just as an excuse to get out of the house and b) I would rather live in a cardboard box than with my family. I had some lean, rough times but never once wished to be trapped in a bad relationship or back home as an alternative.
BTW, maybe you should try your beach nurse outfit at the party. :p
i agree - there is nothing wrong with living at home. i am almost 25 and am still at home. i pay all of my expenses minus food. i thought about moving out last year but then decided it would be better to get therapy ;-) and now i've realized that right now i really need the support that my family can provide. if i were to move out i would be depressed and reclusive. for me it's much better at home.
I think a family unit is very important for development, but at some point the only way to firmly define your independent identity is to be independent. I guess when that time is can vary...
Without knowing any side convo, I could see Dan's response being a resistance to making the subject a personal matter. in his response he says "it's not a dig at you ..." but you still end up tabling your culture to make your point.
So I could see that being dicey territory one might avoid conscious or subcon ...
or not ...
all I've got is two cents.
I agree with you. It's very much a cultural thing. I left home at 18 and, being a latin female, had to deal with a lot of flack from family because it was not considered to be a "respectable" thing to do. Women especially were expected to remain at home until married. Men as well unless they moved away to University (girls were supposed to go to school near home).
What I've noticed though is that men, who used to leave the home before marriage, are now staying. And not just through their 20s and 30s but into their 40s, so I'm not really sure what the big hoopla is about women remaining at home, since this has been the traditionally accepted state for unmarried women through the centuries. I would have expected the ridicule would be more directed towards men deciding to stay home (not that I necessarily agree or disagree with either option - it's a personal decision).
My two cents.
Hmmmm... where am I?
There will always be a disparity between what women do/want and what men THINK women do/want. At least until we're a matriarchical society, and then the world will be awesome!
I say wear a black bikini and a mask to the party...and black f***me pumps! Go with the girly thang!
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