First

I was the first born child of both my parents.
I was the first grandchild on my mother's side (which for all practical purposes is the only side that counts)
Needless to say, I was also the first niece.

There are no words to describe how loved I've been by everyone my entire life. (Maybe that's why I turned out to be such a bitch)

It was expected that I would be the first one (of all the cousins) to get married and then have the very first great-grandchild but it seems like Ivan, Maite, and Niurka with their complicated years-long relationships are way closer than I've ever been (or will probably ever be because I don't do relationships like that).

In any case, my grandpa was hospitalized a few days ago. He was diagnosed with an arrhythmia and has since had a number of tests with fun names like cardiac catheterization, which more than anything freak people out; and that then combined with the one thing that mere non-doctor mortals like pretty much everyone in my family actually understand, high cholesterol, have caused havoc on my family dynamics.

In the past 48 hours my whole family has made their way here from the U.S. Everyone is really concerned for his health and not just for what it is, but mostly because this (him being sick) had never happened. You see, my grandfather is an extremely active 65 year old man. The guy doesn't look a day over 50 and has a vivaciousness that would put a lot of 30 year olds to shame. For most of my life, he told people I was his niece because he said he was too young to have a grandchild my age...

I love him to pieces. Because he said that I was too cool to sleep on a crib when I was a baby, he bought me an entire bedroom set complete with a queen size bed and thingies on the side so I wouldn't fall. He bought me my first dog when I was 1. When I was five he gave me a one acre rose garden because as a child I used to talk to roses and he didn't want me to run out of conversation. When I was seven he gave me my very first pony and taught me how to ride it. and his attentions and gifts haven't stopped in the 20 years since.

Although he was in good spirits yesterday when I saw him, it broke my heart to see him on a hospital bed in his pijamas. I had never seen him like that. He was always like supergrandpa and now he is more like mere mortal grandpa. And he knows this. He feels like he's had a near death experience and so he wants to make sure he gets his stuff done. He wants to breathe all of us in until he feels like he is not missing anything. He wants to see us grow and expand. He wants to go to Cincinatti to watch St. Louis play with me (though I'd much rather check out the Yankees). He wants me to continue doing what I am doing.

He wants ME to give him a great grandchild.

Everyone knows that I wouldn't need much motivation to have a baby. I want a baby so badly that it pisses me off. BUT, I understand that until I buy a place (which I am working on now) and get settled somewhere I can't have one. I am not going to be a brokeass mom. I explained this to grandpa.

You know what he said?

"Where do you want your house? I'll buy you a house and support you both until your business takes off. Just hurry up and have that baby"

UFF!