Today I had a crappy day.
Between black cats crossing my path more often than necessary, people attempting to run me over when I tried to cross the street, an academic program that sucks the last bit of energy out of my system and the first hint that I may actually miss my friends, my initial burst of positive energy seems to be needing a boost.
Changes are hard and I seem to have forgotten that.
I've been thinking a lot about that "distance makes the heart grow fonder" saying and I think that I'm beginning to understand it and to internalize it and apply it to people as well as situations. I think back on how much better it was before or elsewhere, and maybe it was better, but it seems like selective amnesia has contributed to creating these perfect memories. I find that our brains and hearts are unfair.
Three days ago I wrote to someone saying that I was happy. Two days ago I told that same someone that I was nervous. Yesterday I just thought about stuff. Today I am a little hesitant. I don't even want to consider the possibility that this is me being my own worse enemy, but being indpendent is not the same thing as being alone and right now that's how i feel and incidentally, being along brings out the worse in me, which is funny considering that 90% of the time I am the one to reject people.
I had a weird day and I wanted to call someone up and say "hey let's go have a drink and talk crap for a while" but there was nobody i could really vent to. There was nobody I could do that with. Not yet anyway. I'll keep hoping though and continuing to build because hope is a powerful force...