Tuesday, December 05, 2006

my own worse enemy

Today I had a crappy day.

Between black cats crossing my path more often than necessary, people attempting to run me over when I tried to cross the street, an academic program that sucks the last bit of energy out of my system and the first hint that I may actually miss my friends, my initial burst of positive energy seems to be needing a boost.

Changes are hard and I seem to have forgotten that.

I've been thinking a lot about that "distance makes the heart grow fonder" saying and I think that I'm beginning to understand it and to internalize it and apply it to people as well as situations. I think back on how much better it was before or elsewhere, and maybe it was better, but it seems like selective amnesia has contributed to creating these perfect memories. I find that our brains and hearts are unfair.

Three days ago I wrote to someone saying that I was happy. Two days ago I told that same someone that I was nervous. Yesterday I just thought about stuff. Today I am a little hesitant. I don't even want to consider the possibility that this is me being my own worse enemy, but being indpendent is not the same thing as being alone and right now that's how i feel and incidentally, being along brings out the worse in me, which is funny considering that 90% of the time I am the one to reject people.

I had a weird day and I wanted to call someone up and say "hey let's go have a drink and talk crap for a while" but there was nobody i could really vent to. There was nobody I could do that with. Not yet anyway. I'll keep hoping though and continuing to build because hope is a powerful force...

4 comments:

Annina said...

Awwwwww...I wish I was rich just to catch a plane and go have a drink hehehe, cheer up sweetie!!! We love you down here but you're there for a reason so Força!!!

Luisa said...

Annush,
you have to grow up. En la vida todo es vace de sacrificios y tu estas muy inestable en tu vida. Te vas NYC para DR, vives como Pari Hilton sin hacer nada productivo, no eres una teenager comenzado la etapa de evolucion, eres ya una mujer con experiencia para formar lo que la vida le tiene.
Si, lo has dicho, es dificil acostumbrase a los cambios, pero si tu lo has hecho tiene que tner una razon validad.

Me encanta tu blog, pero hay veces que me sacas de quisio.

suerte en tu nueva etapa.

annush said...

si hacer nada productivo?
creo que tendremos que discutir un dia lo que significa para ti ser productivo porque yo considero mi vida bastante productiva! Es diferente y eso me hace sentir bien :)

pero gracias por tus buenos deseos.

♥PRiNCiPeSSa♥ said...

luisa:
vace o base?
Pari Hilton O Paris Hilton?
tiene o tienes?
validad o valida?
quisio o quicio?

EEWW go back to school and do something productive yourself!!

>=)

[Princess, Im bored without u... can u tell??]