Monday, April 16, 2007

on being the other woman...

I was not brought up to be "the other woman" so I am fairly sure that if m mother were so much as to read the title of this post she would have an aneurysm and die; however, it appears that I'm one to end up in such situations even if it is with the best of intentions (ie- entirely platonic).

My whole life I've known that I'm a boys girl, even despite my girlyness. I have a best friend who is a man, I've always had a "boyfriend", and I've always had boys who are friends. No drama. No stress. Just men in my life to keep me sane. To keep me from turning into one of those girls they hate and I hate and frankly everyone hates.

But I've recently noticed that even when you are trying to be good about things, someone will always turn you into the other woman. And I guess that to an extent I've allowed myself to be turned into such. Take my bestest (I know, not grammatically correct!) friend in the world for example. His girlfriend hated me so we had secret rondez vous. We would meet in the park on the way home or talk after she fell asleep.

One of my close friends here in Miami is married. She knows nothing about me, and yet I am a fairly constant number dialed out of his phone. No kissing, no sex, no nothing except good intentions and yet, I am just someone who REALLY exists (physically at least) when she is not around.

Then there is my buddy the neighbor. Oh this guy is great! Anyway, he has a live in girlfriend I've met once and like alright; however, as it worked out she is never around when we run into each other so we have a friendship outside of her. This weekend he asked me to join them at a party but I wondered if it wouldn't be too weird to show up and have a built in friendship with him and no way to explain it.

Sure, I'm an expert in discussing possible scenarios for meeting the significant others but nowhere near good at following through. I wish I could say "hey! I am friends with your man but I don't want him!" but frankly, what woman would believe that about someone like me?

I like being a girl-friend. Yet, as I get older I find this harder and harder to be. The boys have started to care, and it' not that they don't want me but they want to keep me as a secret. And even when they don't, it seems to hard to revert to a state of "joint friend". I'm the single girl. The one who lost most of her friends the minute she stepped out of a "we" situation.

I guess if I were some other girl, I wouldn't trust me. Not in my circumstances anyway...


Bracuta said...

Dude! You logged off!

Red_Baroness said...

Wow. I'm "the Other Woman" too, and found this searching in Altavista. My best "boy friend" of 16 years is getting married today, and I just was having an emo moment...thanks for blogging this. Thanks so much! It put into words what I cannot.