#MotivationMonday : Friends

When I was a little girl I was fearless.

From the day I was born, I was told that I was amazing and that I could do anything. I believed this wholeheartedly. I believe it to this day. Still, these days the stakes of being fearless are much higher and as I have gotten older I have learned to take a moment and think about what it is that I am trying to do. Some may call it hesitation, I call it a moment alone.

In any case, the world has been really kind to me and I've been able to do some pretty amazing things but there have been times when I've found myself having that "moment alone" and finding that this moment has maybe stretched too long or that I had lost that "Oomph" that I like to believe makes me special.

And this is when I've been able to discover my true friends.

My friends have pushed me. They've reminded me of who I am when I have felt like I didn't know myself and have been my partners in crime when the task I was undertaking seemed so daunting. Surprisingly, it is my friends who have helped me conquer my insecurities and reminded me that in my fearlessness rests my strength.

I am lucky. Very lucky.

My motivation is rooted in the fact that no matter how far away from myself I stray, that I will have some amazing people reminding me who I am and will be sure to point out where I lost my way.

They straighten me out.

And if someone believing in you isn't enough motivation, then I don't know what is.

Foursquare Day

I probably should have written this post about a week ago but I had neither the time nor the motivation so as you can imagine, this complicates things. Still, better late than never they say and I believe this whole heartedly!

Last Sunday was Foursquare Day. For those of you not in the know, Foursquare Day is April 16 and its only significance is that it gives us social media geeks an excuse to hang out and (if we are lucky) maybe get another badge.

This year, the festivities took us to Sugarcane Raw Bar.

(In the interest of full disclosure, we don't need to celebrate anything to go there. It's just that fabulous and if you don't believe me go look on Yelp :) )

...and then it took us to Jimmyz Kitchen- Wynwood.

...and then it took us to Cafeina Lounge.

It was a long day. But it was an amazing day that started at 4.16pm and for some, extended to 4:16am. It was one of those days when most of us in Miami's Social Media community have gotten together and truly enjoyed each other's company.

It's been said that the internet brings people apart but I beg to differ. Somehow, we all came together because of the internet and I would like to thank Foursquare for giving us a chance, if not an excuse, to get together and enjoy each other's company.

That said, Foursquare Day has a special significance for me because last year on Foursquare Day, I met @sarahelles . She who has become my best friend.

Along with all the Foursquare Day festivities, we celebrated our one year BFF anniversary.

People say the internet isolates people. Again, I beg to differ.

I can't wait for Foursquare Day next year!

xoxo

annush

Connect- Connected- Connecting

My friend Olga often says that I am a connector.

I know, one hears that word and automatically thinks of Malcolm Gladwell and books like Blink or of random cliche 2.0 jargon, but Olga used to call me a connector before the book had been written or Zuckerberg had even stepped out of Exeter. (God I'm old!). In this context, it was about connecting human life and experiences. She's always been one step ahead :)

Anyway, the reason she calls me a connector is because I try to make sense of my own life by bringing all the people in my life together to bridge, and subsequently validate, the different aspects of my existence. And I do it even when they have nothing in common except for me (which as far as I'm concerned, is plenty).

If I have to call myself a connector, I would say that this is simply because I need to find comfort in what would otherwise be unfamiliar. The more people I know, and the more people I can bring together, the least likely I'll find myself alone. And I use the word "alone" not because I am afraid of being physically alone, but because a memory or an exchange becomes so much more real if there is someone else who can also tell the story.

My life has been rewarding and satisfying but I can't say that it's been a straight path or a plan that was followed to fruition. It's been more like a book of short stories rather than a novel with a clear beginning, middle and end. I do like new beginnings and maybe this is why I have had so many of them...

I don't know that I would recommend the way I live to anyone since I know that it's flawed and not really very practical. Still, every once in a while, when I find myself in a room full of people and run into someone I've randomly connected with at some point, it makes a difference. It is at times like these, when the world seems so incredibly small, that I feel like maybe I haven't been so wrong after all.

And then I wanna recommend my life to everyone :)

You make me wanna die...

I could be pissed.

I could be all different things.

but I am not. I am simply bothered.

It's been the story of my life that my best friends are beyond hot. Why? I don't know. All through HS my bff was a hottie. All through college, same story. Different body and different personality but a daunting external beauty. And then in my adult life same thing... my best friends have been hottie after hottie...

My current best friend is a platinum blond siren.

Some people say that people stick to their own kind. Some others have the belief that the less hot highlight their hotness so they seek them. I, on the other hand, believe that people play the hands they are dealt. I don't pick my friends because they are hot, I simply like people because of who they are.

That said...

I don't appreciate people thinking that my friend is a ditz because she is blonde and that I am smart because I am the petite brunette. WTF?

I don't speak for anybody. I can't and I won't. But the moment I am asked to speak on a capable human's behalf I have to get upset. Stereotypes hurt. Not just me because I am apparently not the best looking part of the duo, but the other people- even the platinum blonde half of it.

It irks me and bends me out of shape that our collective intelligence is measured in feet, inches and hair color. If perhaps we could offer the world a more interesting perspective together, I am supposed to be the mind of someone who already has a mind and she is meant to represent someone who is clear on who she is-even if I am doing so from a brunette perspective.

I wanna choose for myself.

She wants to choose for herself.

But everything looks better when the sun goes down.

From Ana-Cristina to Annush

Most people don't ever get to know how or why they became who they are.

I am lucky because I am not one of those people.

Once upon a time in a kingdom far away a little girl was born. She was named Ana-Cristina and told that she would grow up to be really special. I must admit, this little girl was cool: She didn't like people, had a thing for short skirts and she was smarter than people were comfortable with.

As Ana-Cristina grew up, she was independent and stubborn. Her mother knew she was a free spirit so she gave her wings and told her the world was her oyster. Her mother feared her freedom. She feared that Ana-Cristina would leave and never come back so she tried to root her into a place. She'd try to give her room to explore but always pulled her back. Ana-Cristina was a wanderer.

Ana-Cristina went to college. She stayed close to home like she was supposed to. Had the grades, the look, the life that had meant she was rooted somewhere. But then something happened and she had a chance to leave. Nobody thought she would, but then she had a plan, and a scholarship, a passport and for once nobody could keep her back.

On the evening of August 17, 2000 Ana-Cristina boarded on a plane to Germany.

She arrived in Stuttgart on August 18, 2010 with nothing but a dictionary and a bunch of luggage. She arrived on a warm summer day, and wrote this email:

--- Gilded Angel <gildedangel@xxxx.com> wrote: >

dear family,

Güten avend!!!! it's me...I'm not only alive and well, but finally in Stuttgart. Let me just tell you

that it took forever to get here. My GOd, I didn't think anywhere could be this far and take so

much hassle to get to, but it is far, and it took a whole lot of hassle but I am here and I am happy.

Not to mention sleepy like you wouldn't even believe. Here it's 11:30 pm and I still haven't slept! It' s

been 2 days!!! However, the place is absolutely beautiful.

I just got here like 4 hours ago, but from what I have seen I can just tell that I am

going to fall in love with the place. The people are very formal, just as I had heard, but they

are also really nice. And not only that, they are really pretty too! You all know me and my

eye obsession...after a while i just had to stop looking at people because everyone looks so

nice. So I was looking at the houses. They are pointy and look the same, but they are so cute!

The hotel I am staying in tonight is perfect (thank you mom!!), and the bellhop is super nice :) I think

he is going to be first friend. First thing tomorrow I'll practice my German and I am going to ask him

his name ;)

Tomorrow I am heading to school. I am pretty anxious to get there. I want to see just what I am going to
be dealing with for the next year. I think I am going to be learning German real soon. The way it
seems, I just might have to.

Other than that, I am all in one piece. Still haven't caused any damage. I hope you all will come visit
me at some point.

Please write to me soon...

I love you all and I will write again as soon as I can.

Auf Wiedersehen (or something like that).

Ana-Cristina

The next day, she arrived in Schwaebisch Gmuend. She checked in, unpacked her her bag, sat on the lawn and soaked it all in. It was on that lawn where she met Olga, the girl who 8 hours later would scream Annush across a crowded bar and give her the only identity she has felt comfortable with since. What was an unfortunate accident, became the name that has best described who Ana-Cristina grew up to be.

That was August 19, 2000. Exactly 10 years ago.

No email has been signed the same since.

I wanna scream!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I wrote the previous post because I really felt that iPhone had stolen my friend.

But now I am CONVINCED it has.

...and it's like every day I have to erase someone from my BBM list and it's killing me because even though I know that it's not like they are no longer my friends, it feels like I am erasing them from my everyday life.

I am hurt. REALLY.

Hardcore Annush has found herself in a place where her everyday life with friends who live across the globe no longer are right there. This is killing me. I hate the concept of iPhone and touch screens and whatever but if I thought for one second that by switching phones I'd have my friends back the way I had them while I had my BB (ie- BBM accessible) I'd do it in a heartbeat.

But I lost my friends to stupid apps.

To a stupid uncomfortable phone more suitable for reading.

To a trend.

And my heart is broken.

Nobody's heart should be attached to a machine but mine was.

I've said it repeatedly, I am a creature of habit. This is bad no mater how I look at it and I am feeling isolated. And stupid. Stupid because I can't explain to my trendy iPhone loving loving friends why I feel the way I do.

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

BBM...you should be universal.

How the iPhone stole my friend.

I have never been interested in owning an iPhone.

Though people say I should own one because apparently "all the cool kids" have one and if they were to jump off a bridge, I would have to jump off too; in the same way that I am a PC, I heart my Blackberry.

I have owned several Blackberrys over the years. I remember the very first one I had which was so clunky that it barely passed the back pocket test (If it doesn't fit, I don't want it). Actually, I remember thinking at the time that I wouldn't last very long with that phone specifically because of its size.

I don't believe that Blackberry was ever intended to be a "cool" smartphone. If anything, at least back in the day, all it did was indicate that you had a job. Still, it does have what to this day I consider to be the coolest application EVER: BlackBerry Messenger.

My favorite people all live in different areas of the world. Although technology has made it easier to keep in touch, most of it still makes me painfully aware of how far apart we really are. And it sucks. At least I hate it.

I hate having to enter 567 numbers to call someone.

I hate Skype dates most of the time.

I hate sending email if i need a quick response.

I hate having to tweet for attention.

(and I know there are ways around all these things but still)

Anyway, BlackBerry Messenger makes me feel closer. I don't know if this was the original plan RIM had when developing this application, but it makes me feel lucky to know that most of the people I love who are far away own a BlackBerry and happy that they are only a message away.

I like to know that I can take and send a picture and get an immediate reaction.

I like to send voice notes singing (and also to receive them).

I like to be able to continue a conversation for days.

A few of my friends have sold into the hype of the iPhone 4.

I honestly didn't think it would make a difference in our relationship, but it has.

...and I miss them very much because for the first time they feel really far away.

There is an app for that...

I have always said that I would much rather be a small fish in a big fishtank than the other way around. So its not surprising that I've lived in some of the biggest cities in the world and I've liked it. What is surprising though, is my small fishtank mentality and the lengths I go to building a bubble in the big fishtank I've selected.

Ahhh the remnants of the Jersey girl.

I suppose I could be all politically correct and apply my "creature of habit" label to this quirk I have but this would be a big fat lie because if my random behaviors are driven by habit, what fuels them is familiarity.

My mother says that I have issues differentiating between the words "friends" and "family"and that as a result my priorities in regards to people are often askewed. Depending on how you look at it, this may very well be true; but as far as it being a bad thing, I am not so sure.

Hillary Clinton wrote a book I've never read called "It Takes a Village". The premise of the book is that it is not only a task for the parents to raise children, but for the community. The title has always caught my attention because I was raised by/in a village (or a small town in NJ if you wanna call it that). Despite the proximity to NYC and the exposure I had to the world from an early age, my "home" was a place where everybody knew my name and where it wasn't only my mom driving me home from cross-country practice.

I find comfort in rituals and familiarity and I've always strived to keep normalcy in my life by being an active part of my community (which is no small feat considering that in my block alone there are more people than in the town where I grew up). Back in the day, before there was twitter, foursquare or meetup and I ordered food from FreshDirect, it would have been so easy to become an unhappy workaholic (and I might have been except that I was a publicist) but now it is so easy and if it gets too hard, just download the app!

I like to walk over to Publix and know that I dont' have to tell the fish guy what I am going to be needing for that week. I like that I have a favorite Starbucks barista, and that there are at least three restaurants where the waitstaff comes to kiss me hello. It brings me comfort to know that at any given outing I am bound to run into at least two or three people I know, though I may not necessarily like. I LOVE that the day my friend Sarah fell and sliced her head open, we were able to get into a stranger's car and that there was a cool stranger who would volunteer to take us to the hospital.

This is not everyone's Miami. But I'm so glad it is the little bubble in mine.

The Situation...

I'm moving out and apparently that's a "sensitive situation"...

drama. drama. drama.

"I can see Alaska from my house"

So Ms. Sarah Palin is quitting the governorship of Alaska which can only lead one to believe that our girl is planning to run for President.

The other day, during a PMS caused dillusion brought about by watching the movie "W", I was convinced that I wanted to run for office. I've always been a political activist, and my resume reads like that's something that would lead someone to believe that Politics is in the cards for me except for the fact that I am an unapologetic human.

Even with the best intentions, which I always have at heart, I have made decisions that have affected nobody but me that would be dissected and analyzed and picked at until they became something completely unrelated that would in turn make me evil. I'm not down for that.

I'm also not prepared to have my mom look at me any differently because I did X thing.

In any case, on this given weekday that I decided this, I told 3 people.

Person #1 said: "You are not consistent"
Granted, to this day I feel like that was a personal judgement more than actual feedback, I took that and made a note to myself and it is what it is.

Person #2 said: "Okay. You need to move to Montana and join the Republican party. "
I freaked out and satated the obvious "dude, I'm so liberal that being a Republican is not even an option" and then he said "yeah, go tell that to Schwarzennegger and Bloomberg". Point taken.

Person #3 said: " YOu would be an amazing leader except that you are anti-American". I was like "WHAT?!?! how can I be anti-American if I am an American?"
He said: "Annush, what do you drive?"
A: "A Volkswagen"
Him: "German. OK. What is your favorite food?"
A: "Mediterranean"
HIm: "OK. What is your favorite drink?"
A: "Bellini"
Him: "Italian. OK. What is your favorite place in the whole wide world?"
A: "Prague"
Him: " Formerly communist. Hmmmm...what nationality was your last boyfriend?"
A: " errrr....German"
Him: "hook-up?"
A: "French/German"
Him: "Have you ever dated an American?"
A: "My HS boyfriend was American :D"
Him: "You are anti-American"
A: "but this is my home, this is what I know, this is the melting pot!!!"
Him: "what's your favorite things about being American"
A: "supermarkets are open 24/7 and shopping is uber efficient"
Him: "You said uber...German"
A: "Who cares, Schwarzennegger is Austrian!"
Him: "It doesn't count. He married a Kennedy. If you marry a Kennedy, then you can be American"
A: "But I can see Cuba from my house!"
Him: "The Republicans will love you!"

hahahahahaha

A2+B2=C2

My brother had a girlfriend he loved and they haid a relationship that ran its course. I won't say that anyone made it easy for them because I'd be struck by lightning if I lied, but the relationship ended when HE decided to end it, so for all practical purposes, it ran its course.

She loved him and he loved her. Of this there is no doubt.

But they were no good for each other. If in mathematical rules two positives is a positive and a positive and a negative is a negative and two negatives is a negative well, together regardless of ther qualities they were a negative.

They loved each other but in life, no matter how supportive they were of each other, they always failed. And it was sad. Life was a wall and there was no way to get around it no matter how they tried.

And now separately they are thriving...

These days I've seen someone I really care about whose privacy I am going to protect, be in the same circumstances. But they are in a hole because they have to remain together. Yet it's obvious that if their life could perhaps suck because of life, or the recession, or whatever, this is not the reason. Their life is sucking because of simple mathematical rules.

So what do you say? I've told them the "my brother was once in a relationship..." story. But how do you tell someone that in order to get back on their feet they need to dettach?

I'm bitchy but not hurtful.

You can't tell someone who/how to love.

But how do you watch someone become a shadow of their former self knowing that it's quite possible that the answer to their problems is all in mathematical rules? I am scientist and a pragmatist and I love this person. How do I come to terms with their choice or tell the, that their choice was a mathematical mistake?

The video.

Years and years ago I made Yvette a video.

Years and years ago = 13 years ago. And it was then that sixteen year old me made a good bye video for her best friend who was moving away.

Thirteen years ago moving away felt permanent and I thought she would forget me so I made a video that encompassed all the silly things that we did and all the things that I felt towards her. Tonight, sitting around a kitchen table with her [Yvette] and Amanda [our other HS BFF] while we were reminiscing about the way things were, the aforementioned video came into play.

This video that had meant so much to me, I had forgotten.

We sat there and talked and in pieces it all came back to me and it was then that Yvette got up and came back holding a small video tape. Needless to say, we got all excited. After calling every Best Buy and Radio Shack in a 50 mile radius we found the adapter and we all got in the car and went to buy this gadget so that we could watch the video.

I am not going to lie, I was excited. I was somewhat fearful too because I didn't remember EVERYTHING that was in the video and we were pretty wild so it could have been a lot. But mostly, I wanted to revisit the dynamic of our relationships when we were 16.

So we made a few Bellinis, sat down in front of the TV and pressed play.

And Rachel Ray's 30 Minute Meals showed up.

Apparently 5 years ago, Yvette and her then boyfriend made a video for a contest being hosted by the Food Network. A few days later, boyfriend mailed the tape. Five years later we come to find that he mailed the wrong the tape.

They didn't win their Food Network contest but we also lost the "us" that was contained in that tape. And now we are sad. I am sad. Because if I didn't remember the tape before and now I am still not sure of what was in it, I feel like I lost all the emotion that I poured into making something special for someone I loved a lot who I thought I would loose for good.

I am sad. And I Yvette was sad too. And as we watched this video about kitchens and Rachel Ray, I just held Yvette's hand and thought to myself "for what is worth, we are together now".

Sixteen-Seventeen-EighteenYvette-Amanda-Ana

Just Like a Star!

The lovely Daniela came to Miami earlier this year to spend time with me and catch up. It had been a good two years since we had last seen each other. Not since I went to London for Gus's college graduation had we been together and even though we always have an amazing time, there is something about time and distance that makes it more comfortable to live without someone. Here is yet another of example of distance not making the heart grow fonder but just making it numb.

Then there is also the thing about being connected that makes time fly by faster. How can I miss her if I know what she is doing, who she is dating, where she is, etc? How can I miss someone I have on speed dial?

Anyway, when she came down to Miami, we had an amazing time and she made me promise I would go back to Europe soon. When she left I missed her terribly.

I think the universe knew I missed her terribly too (and that I needed a break)because as it happened, I was told that I had 2 weeks to use up some vacation days I had left over, the fine people of American Airlines had Europe on sale and for once I had no reason to say no.

So I left and as expected, I had so much fun I didn't want to come back.

Also during this short break to London I met someone I first met through this blog. Even though we have somehow kept in touch for years and had come close to meeting but hadn't, I never thought the day would come when we would really be face to face.

Of course, we all know what happens every time I say "never"…
In this case what happened was that Annush met Schuey.

Although I could talk about a number of things that happened throughout the evening (all positive as he was a delightful date) there were three things that stick out:

1. We met at The Ritz in London. I arrived first and he arrived like 2 minutes later. He had told me that he would know who I was. I didn't think he would and worse yet, I didn't think I would recognize him. But we recognized each other before we were even in the other's personal space and then when we kissed hello there was no miscalculation as to the number of kisses, the side we were kissing first and there was definitely for sure no awkward cheek bone bump.


2. My favorite word (enthusiastic) is part of his vocabulary.


3. The lining of his jacket really did match his shirt which really did have his initials along the cuff.

I must admit that if the stars aligned properly and if given the chance, this is someone I would want to spend time with. Date? I don't know…probably not…but this is someone I would want to have around me simply because around him I don't feel so awkward. He is someone who makes me feel like I am and not how I should be.

Yeah, I liked him. So what?

I often wondered if anything good would ever come out of this blog that more often than not only seems to cause me grief and aggravation. When I started writing here, I thought I would find clarity but I haven't. I have, however, found some cool people to call friends.

...and French ice cream is good!

Frenchie sent you a message.
--------------------
Re: Monday afternoon

Hey!
hahahaha that's funny because yesterday I ate ice cream, and I was thinking about you!
I hope you're well, and I wish a great week-end!
kisses!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

...and in one second we lost 2 friends...

All day yesterday I had been busy recovering from the night before.
You see, while I was laughing and having fun they were taking their last breaths.

I found out via Facebook because I hadn't been in the mood to answer the phone. It hurt me. When it became a good time to call people back, it hurt more.

I imagined them getting in the car.
They were very close friends so I imagine that they at least smiled talking about something trivial while driving to that destination they would never reach. During those last minutes they probably looked at each other. And just like that it was over.

Then I thought of Stone Temple Pilots. And again I thought of them. One died on impact and the other on the way to the hospital. Again I thought of STP.

"If you should die before me -Ask if you can bring a friend" sang Scott Wyland...

He did. He could.
And if we are sad over this tragic loss- a double loss- they spent the last of their time here on earth in good company and no matter where they are now, they are probably together. And this very fact leads me to believe they are alright...

They will be missed.

In loving memory of Cesar and Joy.

Flavors of Latin America.

Until I moved to Miami, I didn't really have many immigrant friends.
Hell, until I moved to Miami I didn't really have any minority friends!

Growing up, I had a life that was beautiful but its landscape wasn't very colorful. Words in Jersey English (not the kind Junot Diaz uses in his book though) and recessive genetic traits were the norm in this little town where most families had been there for generations.

[Thank God] I am not in Kansas anymore!

Last night we were out celebrating Sonia's birthday. Y luego de la parrila Argentina, we ended up at Tapas y Tintos and had a really good time. At one point I looked around the table and I realized how incredibly cool it was that I was surrounded by cool, young professionals who came to look for a different situation and found it. It was also cool to hear my Dominican Spanish in a backdrop of Argentinian, Venezuelan, Chilean, Colombian, Ecuadorian, Honduran and Castillian Spanish. It kind of made me regret not speaking Spanish more often than I do.

I thought of the warmth that we as a group share regardless of our ancestry. The kisses we use to say hello, the nicknames, the gestures, the loud laughter -all parts of our different cultures, the things that make us a different ethnic group.

I like it.

[But I will NEVER like rice and beans!!!]

Happy Birthday Sonia!

i love u!

xox-

ana :)

I think therefore I am...

...and as such, I am sure than I think that I am glad that Lauren exists and that she is finally back from her Holiday back home in NJ...

Lauren and I go waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back...back to high school...back to NJ...back to the days when life was easy and boys wanted to kiss you while you were returning pages on pay phones- which incidentally I found an email making me aware of such things today but this isn't the time to discuss it.

My current friend Lauren wasn't my friend in High School. In fact, it took 10+ years for us to be friends. But it's okay. Somehow- after an awkward meeting at Publix- we managed to build something special and even though I am certain that it is because we come from the same place and in the great land of Miami people are in fact weird, it is something that I truly value.

Today we went to Novecento after one of many things we did "on principle" and I liked that...the principle. I thought I was the only person who acted on principle. I like the principle.

This is very stream of consciousness, I know. But I am happy. I am happy because this first Friday of the year I had a really good time with someone who shares the key to my past, the values of my present and wants to be part of my future. My friend Lauren rocks and I wish that I would have known that 10+ years before.

People certainly change and I am glad that through all this change (in life, location, etc.) I have someone who understands where I come from, where I want to go and who not only thinks that the people around me are special but is special to the people around me.

Special is good.

I was thankful for a lot...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JENNIE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY YVETTE!