Tuesday, August 07, 2007
There are some situations in life when I don't feel people should be more liberal than accepted by social conventions. Consumption of fatty foods is one of them and relationships is the other. I try to abide by these conventions in my own life and I always hope that the people around me do the same without me having to go around preaching to them every time they eat a burger or jump into bed with someone new.
Most of my friends are in relationships that more often than not appear to be for the long haul. I don't know what the trick to these relationships is but whatever it is, on the most part it appears to work. I will admit though that some of these people are in relationships I wouldn't be in simply because of what these relationships entail.
The other day I was hanging out with the male part of one of my favorite couples. Boyfriend and I have been very close for years so we trust each other a lot with the things that matter. After a few drinks, he tells me that him and girlfriend have an arrangement where they can both go out and sleep with other people as long as nobody else knows about it. This arrangement extends to both men and women as girlfriend is also bisexual. He was absolutely okay with it.
In my mind nothing about this arrangement seemed "okay". I mean, call me crazy but if you love someone you shouldn't need to go out and sleep with anyone else. Relationships are not made up of two people and whoever else one finds sexy! I realize that sometimes people stray but it's one thing to make a mistake and something entirely different to live like that.
I told him this. I told him that this wouldn't end well. Knowing her the way that I do and knowing him the way that I do, I predicted that the moment they each slept with someone else they had kissed their relationship goodbye. He said this was the best way to have a relationship: one that came without having to worry.
A few days ago their relationship went to shit. One of the two pushed the boundaries of their arrangement and a years long relationship was destroyed. Apparently it is one thing to agree to something and something entirely different to see it in front of you- in front of your friends.
I understand that each person is different and every emotion is different and every situation is different; but I can't understand how someone would agree to such a crappy deal. If in theory the arrangement seems cool, it doesn't really seem like it would be so cool in practice. If it were me, I wouldn't be able to have that kind of relationship. Hell, I wouldn't be able to agree to a threesome!
I think that social conventions exist for a reason and if you want to play society allows single people to do so. Why would you promise to love someone "until death do you part" all the while you are screwing the neighbor? That's not right.
Some might say it comes down to trust. But I don't think I could trust anyone that much. Not even myself.