It's not me...

How can the consequence of sex be a baby?

I mean, how can something as cool as a human life result from sex.

Or maybe more like, how can you create something so little, beautiful and innocent from something that is its absolute opposite?

I am looking at this the wrong way...my friend is having a baby.
Congratulations!

An Inconvenient Truth.

My neighbor and I work in the same company so we carpool to work. Yes, it’s good for the environment. Yes, it’s good for our finances. But it sucks for my mental health.

You see, Sonia loves British pop music, as do I; however, she likes to listen to it quietly and hum along the tunes with the occasional sentence she manages to utter. That’s how she listens to music and I respect it. I, on the other hand, like to listen to my music loudly and I like to sing along. I like to listen to British pop, but I also like rock, and folk, and house, and pop and the occasional hip-hop song. Sometimes I listen to Christina Aguilera just so I can sing loud enough to hit the notes (because I can hit the notes!).

But I can’t do that with Sonia in my car. And I certainly can’t do it in hers. And it makes me miss Yvette L. desperately. It makes me wish for the days when Yvette L. and I would get in the car and not only would we sing along to everything but we’d make up little dances to go along with the songs.

I’ve tried to think about the reasons why I feel so inhibited when I find myself in a confined space with Sonia but I can’t think of anything. I thought that maybe it was lack of trust on my part, but that’s not it…at least not after she saw me in my undies, or drunk, or crying or jumping on my bed. I trust her.

But I guess not enough?

Once, a while back at 5am we were drinking in her apartment and we had a Fiona Apple sing along. I don’t know what was different about that night but I wish I could transport that emotion, that openness to my car (or hers) and bring it with us wherever we go.

Because I want to sing in the car…and I wish she were someone I could sing with all the time.

Nice :D

Because I will one day get old...

So yesterday I became aware of my mortality. Goodie!

I have been in the work-force for years and years and years and I have never been worried about or even interested in what will happen to me when I get old. The Social Security debate is something that has held my attention for minutes at a time but I never really gave it much attention because that didn't apply to me...I wasn't going to get old. Old age happens to other people...

But in a mere week and 3 days I will be turning 28 years old and certain things are beginning to worry me all the while I've become exposed to some other things that maybe 3 or 4 years ago weren't worth my attention.

My new job is great. I love it. They think about all the things I don't and plan for me so I don't have to. This week we talked about retirement and my 401K. I probably wouldn't have talked about it EVER had someone not brought it up first.

Filling out the paperwork I was very nervous. Truth be told, I felt like I was signing a permission slip that would allow me to get old. BUt I knew that the time had come for me to start planning for EVERYTHING. This year I took out my very first life insurance policy and here I am now...first I worried about dying and then about the process of dying. EEK!

I signed up for a 401 K account and 6% of my salary is going to go to that (AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!) but it's a good opportunity because my employer matches my contributions so that is very cool. This is money that knowing me, I would never save on my own and even if I did, I probably would wrap it up in aluminum foil and stuff it in my freezer!

I started planning for the future and I feel a little bit old, but my friend V thinks that I'm maturing. It might be a little of both.

One less thing to worry about.

friends: enemies in training.

and i say what about breakfast at annush's?

This week sucked.

Well, actually, it didn't suck per se; however, it wasn't my best. Between a compressor that took 3 days to get fixed and had me sleeping over at the neighbors', people overstepping their boundaries on Facebook, my lack of desire to go buy food, a phone that refuses to quit ringing even at ungodly hours, the houseguest that seems to have turned into a roommate and last but not least the swelling of my breasts which has made it practically impossible for me to fit on most of my work shirts for two days now, I have to say that it's been a rough week.

But it hasn't been all bad. My week started on Sunday with obscene amounts of champagne. Sometimes when there is nothing to celebrate it's good to get all Breakfast at Tiffany's like and celebrate smoked salmon or something-which we did. It set the tone for the new job which I started on Monday and that aside from all the time spent on all kinds of bullshit training has been great...even with all the obscene amounts of time I've spent with MPChick (and you'll have to excuse me for calling her that but I'm convinced that the girl has multiple personalities!)

I've also been introduced to two new characters this week. These are two people I know. Three dimensional cartoon character like versions of real people who only come out at weird times and I never realized they did. But I like them. I am going to write about them one day soon.

Life's been good...but I'm tired, in desperate need of a visit to Publix, maybe a cigarrette and a Midol.

That would be nice.

Happy Ending.

in case you don't know that i know...

Changes.

Someone once said that today is the first day of the rest of your life. Today I say that tomorrow is the last day of this stage in my life. Tomorrow is my last day at the job where I've had so much fun in for the past 7 months. And happy though I am to be moving forward, I am also a little bit sad.

In the past 6 months I've had something like five jobs, at times simultaneously. I've done what my family wanted me to do, what gave me the most money with the least amount of effort, what I felt I should be doing and this, which is what has served me as therapy...the job I never wanted to quit doing.

On Monday I go back to "corporate America" with the office hours, "casual Fridays", 401K and fun paycheck that go along with it. I'll probably go back to my workaholic ways and start a life filled with stories about crazy co-workers that I won't be able to write about in order to protect my job- because we all know that bad things happen when you bring your job to the internet!

I am excited. Much more excited than I am allowing myself to be on this post. It seems like things are falling into place so that I may find some stability and can begin to do (again) all the things I need get done to truly build a life. This time I am doing it under the sun so I hope that if nothing else this same sun brightens up my days so that I may be happy, and remain happy for a long time to come...

Love Foolsophy

There are some situations in life when I don't feel people should be more liberal than accepted by social conventions. Consumption of fatty foods is one of them and relationships is the other. I try to abide by these conventions in my own life and I always hope that the people around me do the same without me having to go around preaching to them every time they eat a burger or jump into bed with someone new.

Most of my friends are in relationships that more often than not appear to be for the long haul. I don't know what the trick to these relationships is but whatever it is, on the most part it appears to work. I will admit though that some of these people are in relationships I wouldn't be in simply because of what these relationships entail.

The other day I was hanging out with the male part of one of my favorite couples. Boyfriend and I have been very close for years so we trust each other a lot with the things that matter. After a few drinks, he tells me that him and girlfriend have an arrangement where they can both go out and sleep with other people as long as nobody else knows about it. This arrangement extends to both men and women as girlfriend is also bisexual. He was absolutely okay with it.

In my mind nothing about this arrangement seemed "okay". I mean, call me crazy but if you love someone you shouldn't need to go out and sleep with anyone else. Relationships are not made up of two people and whoever else one finds sexy! I realize that sometimes people stray but it's one thing to make a mistake and something entirely different to live like that.

I told him this. I told him that this wouldn't end well. Knowing her the way that I do and knowing him the way that I do, I predicted that the moment they each slept with someone else they had kissed their relationship goodbye. He said this was the best way to have a relationship: one that came without having to worry.

A few days ago their relationship went to shit. One of the two pushed the boundaries of their arrangement and a years long relationship was destroyed. Apparently it is one thing to agree to something and something entirely different to see it in front of you- in front of your friends.

I understand that each person is different and every emotion is different and every situation is different; but I can't understand how someone would agree to such a crappy deal. If in theory the arrangement seems cool, it doesn't really seem like it would be so cool in practice. If it were me, I wouldn't be able to have that kind of relationship. Hell, I wouldn't be able to agree to a threesome!

I think that social conventions exist for a reason and if you want to play society allows single people to do so. Why would you promise to love someone "until death do you part" all the while you are screwing the neighbor? That's not right.

Some might say it comes down to trust. But I don't think I could trust anyone that much. Not even myself.

red hair.

Gustav Klimt was an Austrian painter who lived at the end of the 19th century. His works are all imprinted with a certain eroticism and his particular perception of the female form. A good number of his works also portray his love of the redhead. As a matter of fact, some of his most famous works include "the redhead", which in my study of Klimt I have grown to see as "the one who got away".

For the obvious reasons, I have always liked Klimt. I like the colors he uses, the expressions on the faces of his subjects, and also the emotion he evokes. "Der Kuss" has always been one of my favorite paintings because of this expression of emotion.

I have also liked Klimt because I am a redhead lover myself. In a world where redheads are so rare and most people manage to go through life without ever encountering one, I have lived surrounded by them. Even when I don't look for them, they come and find me. The men I have loved the most, redheads. HWMNBN, redhead. The guys who are the main characters of the stories I will never tell my grandchildren, redheads.

Yesterday I received an email from a friend telling me that she found someone she feels would make an ideal companion for me. Her description of Prince Charming read like this: "...is a 32 year old single white male who has red hair. He is about 5'8 and is not only real sweet but also real..."

Every time my friends find someone who would be perfect for me, more often than not they are redheads. And I wonder why. Frankly, red hair is not a physical feature that I find particularly attractive and neither are the freckles that come with it. Perhaps I become attracted to the personality traits attached to someone with unusual physical characteristics (kinda like that guy I dated who had a brown eye and a blue eye). Hard to say. In any case it's kind of cool I think...

Even if this great person and his lovely red hair would probably just remind me...

W isn't the ONLY reason either...